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Is it possible to remember the deceased before 40 days? Is it possible to remember before the date of death: how to remember and what to do

40-day funeral: 7 rules that must be followed when organizing, 10 dishes that can be prepared, 6 prayers that are read for 9 and 40 days, 7 memorial dates in Christianity.

People who do not believe in an afterlife consider death to be the final chord human existence. Like, he died - and that’s it, nothing was left of him except his grave. And about the immortal soul - this is all nonsense. But even among inveterate atheists, rarely does anyone decide to break funeral traditions.

40 days of commemoration is an opportunity to remember the deceased, drink a glass for the repose of his soul, light a candle in the church, and gather with relatives.

But this date is far from the only one that needs to be dedicated to the deceased.

People say that a person is alive as long as the memory of him is alive.

In the first year, the deceased is remembered quite often not only by grief-stricken loved ones, but also by everyone who takes part in the wake.

Funeral rites are mandatory for Orthodox Christians. They are carried out according to specific rules that you need to know in order to ensure your soul loved one peace and grace.

Conventionally, any commemoration can be divided into 2 parts:

Church. This includes a memorial service ordered by relatives in the church and a series of prayers read by those close to the deceased. Unchurched people are afraid of making a mistake, ordering something wrong, doing something wrong. Don’t worry, because any temple will tell you the right decision.
Gastronomic. That is, exactly what we mean when we say the word “commemoration”: a dinner to which people from the close circle of the deceased are invited so that they remember his soul.

Another important point– visit to the cemetery. At a wake, you go “to visit” the deceased in order to:

demonstrate to him that you have not forgotten about him;
tidy up the grave;
bring fresh flowers;
put a treat for the poor, who will eat it with gratitude for the remembrance of the soul.

In the first year there are quite a lot of funerals:

After the burial. It is on the day of the funeral that the first memorial dinner is held, to which everyone who paid their last respects to the deceased in the cemetery is usually invited.
Breakfast. On the morning after the burial, the family goes to the graveyard to take breakfast to the “deceased” and remember him near the grave. No one except the closest relatives is invited to this action.
3 days. This date is important specifically for the family of the deceased. The main stages of the commemoration: visiting the burial and family dinner.
9 days. It is believed that for up to 9 days the human soul lives in the “booths of paradise”, but not yet in heaven. Funeral services are held precisely on the ninth day, because that is how many “angelic ranks” there are.
40 days. According to Christian canons, it was on the 40th day that Jesus Christ ascended to heaven - which is why the date is so important for Christians. Funeral services for the “fortieth birthday” are a prerequisite.
Six months. The date of the funeral is not considered mandatory, and therefore is missed by many. If you want to remember your loved one on this day, visit the cemetery, order a memorial service in the church and sit modestly with your family, remembering the good things about the deceased.
1 year Last big one funeral date. On this day, they not only order a memorial prayer service, but also organize a large dinner in honor of the deceased. Ideally, you should invite everyone who was at the funeral, but if finances do not allow, then you can get by with a smaller number of “guests.”

After a year has passed from the date of death, you can remember your loved one whenever you want (for example, on the day of his birth and death, on other dates that are important to you), ordering memorial services and handing out candy for the repose of the soul. There is no longer any need to organize large feasts.

The most important memorial dates, in addition to the funeral date and 1 year, are the 9th and 40th days. We’ll talk about them in more detail later, because many traditions have been forgotten.

9 days: funeral according to the rules

This is the first of three important memorial dates. There are certain rules and traditions that must be followed.

What does the soul expect from the wake on the 9th day?

According to church dogmas, exactly 9 days are given to a person after death to complete his earthly path, say goodbye to family and friends whom you had to leave behind and prepare to meet the Lord.

9 is a sacred number in Christianity, because that is how many ranks of angels exist. It is the angels who must bring the spirit of the deceased on the 9th day after death to the Judgment of the Lord, so that her fate is decided: to remain in heaven or go down to hell if her sins are too serious.

But the verdict has not yet been pronounced, and from the 9th to the 40th day the soul will face ordeal. That is why relatives should be especially careful during this period, so as not to aggravate the sins of the deceased with their rash actions. And it's not just about proper organization wake.

Of course, you will grieve for your loved one, but it is important that your grief is not so inconsolable that your soul cannot leave this world at all.

Funeral for 9 days according to church canons

Relatives are required to express their grief for the deceased not with endless tears, but with prayers and good deeds.

Required on the day of the funeral:

Book a memorial service at the church.
Hold a service on this day to pray in church for the deceased and light a candle that will light the way for him during the days of ordeal.
Give sweets and money to the poor.

You can make a donation on behalf of the deceased to those in need: orphanage or nursing home, hospital, homeless shelter, etc.

Be sure to visit the grave on the 9th day to remove dried flowers from the day of the funeral, light a candle, and pray for the soul of the deceased.

If possible, order a litiya - the priest will come and pray at the burial for your loved one. But it is also permissible to read the prayers yourself at the wake.

In addition to the traditional “Our Father,” you can read the following prayers:

God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world! O Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants: holy patriarchs, His Eminence Metropolitans, Archbishops and Bishops, who served You in the priestly, church and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, the Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors who laid down their lives for the faith and fatherland, the faithful, who were killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of the suicidal, those for whom we were commanded and asked to pray, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, Christian burials deprived of (the name of the rivers) in a bright place, in a green place, in a place of peace, from where illness, sadness and sighing can escape.

Every sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives, as if there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one besides sin, Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and Your word- true. For You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Repose of Your departed servants (the name of the rivers), Christ our God, and to You we send glory with Your beginningless Father, and Your Most Holy, and Good, and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Remember that in prayer it is not so much the words themselves that are important, but sincerity.

40 days of commemoration: everything you need to know about this date

This is the second important date in the tradition of Christian remembrance, which in no case should be ignored if you care about the well-being of the deceased in the next world.

What happens to the soul on the 40th day and does it need a wake?

It is on the 40th day that the soul must hear God’s verdict on where it will be located next: in Heaven or Hell.

It is believed that it is after this time that the soul is completely detached from the body and realizes that it is dead.

The 40th day is the last time when the spirit visits its native places to say goodbye to worldly life, things close and dear to the heart.

Relatives and friends should under no circumstances sob and lament heavily on the day of the funeral, so as not to increase the suffering of an already fragile soul, not to tie it forever to the earth, where it would forever wander between the worlds of the living and the dead.

You can often hear stories that it was on the 40th day that the deceased appeared to his relatives in a dream to say goodbye.

And after this period, you should stop feeling his presence nearby. If this did not happen, then somewhere at the wake you made a mistake, did something to tie the soul of the deceased to the earth.

Consult a priest on how to correct the situation.

Church rules for commemoration for 40 days

The deceased himself is no longer able to change anything, is not able to correct any of the mistakes made during his lifetime. But his loved ones can facilitate the transition of a loved one to Paradise with the help of a worthy wake on the 40th day.

Order a magpie from the church and give a donation to the temple. Be sure to pray yourself (in church or at home) in your own words or with the texts of special prayers:

Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.

It would not be amiss to renounce some of your sins on the 40th day, for example, drunkenness or adultery, in order to make it easier for the dead to pass to heaven, or to make a monetary donation to some charitable foundation.

On the 40th day, in addition to the funeral at home or in some institution, visit the cemetery to:

carry flowers;
light a candle;
give a treat to the poor (if you don’t meet anyone, place a treat on the grave);
pray;
say goodbye to last time- after all, soon the soul will finally leave the earth.

Funeral for the deceased

Funeral dinner on the 9th and 40th days

An important part of the memorial day is lunch. It is significant, first of all, for the living, because for the dead, church commemoration and the sincere grief of loved ones are more important.

Remember that neither on the 9th nor on the 40th day are invitations to the funeral sent out. Those who remember the deceased come and want to honor him with their attention. Therefore, commemoration usually takes place in a narrow circle of friends and relatives.

Here are a number of rules that must be followed when organizing funerals on the 9th and 40th days:

Don't chase the amount of food. Don’t set yourself the goal of impressing the “guests”, showing them that you have money, or feeding those present to your heart’s content. Such pride is a sin from which it is the deceased who will suffer.
Look for a post on the calendar. If the wake falls on the 40th or 9th day during a church fast, give up meat - give it up altogether. Several fish dishes are allowed; the rest of the food should be prepared from vegetables in vegetable oil. If the fast is strict, then dairy products should also be excluded. But even if the wake falls during a period free from food restrictions, do not fill the table with meat. Adhere to a policy of moderation when creating your menu.
Do not place forks on the funeral table. They symbolize the pitchforks that devils use in hell to torment sinners. The main cutlery is spoons, even for main courses and snacks. To the illiterate who are outraged by the lack of forks at a funeral, you can explain why you do what you do.
Begin your meal with the Lord's Prayer. Ask everyone present to pray for the memorial loved one and enlighten yourself sign of the cross before starting lunch.
Speeches in memory of the deceased should be welcomed by relatives. There is no need to force anyone to speak, but you also cannot prevent people from speaking or rush them to finish their speech quickly. Those present gathered not to eat for the week ahead, but then to remember kind words deceased.
Prepare the room where the funeral will take place on the 9th and 40th days. Be sure to include a photo of the deceased with a mourning ribbon. Light a candle or lamp near the image and place a bouquet of flowers. A glass of water, covered with a slice of bread, and cutlery are also placed near the photo so that the deceased eats with everyone else.
Keep order. If you see someone behaving inappropriately (foul language, laughing, talking loudly), carefully reprimand this uncultured person. If this does not work, ask him to leave, explaining that by his behavior he is increasing your grief. But under no circumstances start scandals at a wake - this is a great sin both before people, and before God, and before the deceased.

Dishes that can be prepared/ordered for funerals on the 9th and 40th day:

Separately, it is necessary to say about alcohol. The Church does not encourage drunkenness at funerals and believes that you can do without alcohol altogether, but people usually have a different opinion and put wine and/or vodka on the table.

There won't be great sin, if you do add alcohol to the funeral menu, but make sure that those present drink no more than three glasses, otherwise the wake will turn into a banal drinking session, during which they will forget why they gathered in the first place.

You can control the amount you drink on the 9th and 40th day after the funeral by limiting the number of bottles on the table. Estimate how many people came to the wake and how many bottles of wine/vodka are needed so that everyone drinks only 3 glasses. Hide the excess and do not give in to requests from drunks, such as: “Bring more alcohol. How can one commemorate Mikhalych on dry terms? He’ll be offended!”

40 days - funerals, which are organized only for those closest to you. It is not so much the feast itself that is important, but the church component of the commemoration and the sincerity of your feelings for the deceased.

In the Orthodox faith, the fortieth day, just like the ninth day after a person’s repose, is considered a special date. These days the spirit in heaven finds its place, the Lord assigns it to hell or to the heavenly world. In other words, God's judgment is taking place.

It is generally accepted that for all 40 days the soul after the physical death of the body is among the living, near its family. Many say that throughout this period they feel the presence of the deceased, his smell, subtle sighs and rustles. For the first three days, the spirit remembers its physical existence. On the third day, a memorial service is held. At the end of the forty-day period, the spirit leaves its native land and moves to the place designated for it. Believers claim that the fortieth day is important event, the spirit stands before our Lord, the Creator. And the wake is a farewell to the soul to heaven at the end of preparation for a meeting with a higher power.

Christians claim that once the soul has left the body, it is impossible for it to change its sentence. Cannot be changed eternal life, repent before the Creator. The soul stores all lifetime memories. But, nevertheless, relatives can beg forgiveness for the soul before the Lord. Priests say that prayer for repose on the fortieth day has unique abilities that can influence God’s decision. Fervent and desperate prayers for a soul can determine its place in heaven.

Why was this particular number chosen? This is the time for the spirit to say goodbye to the earthly world and prepare it to accept the order of the Lord God. In addition, the number appears frequently in scripture:

For 40 years Moses led the Jews through the promised land;
The ascension of Christ took place on the fortieth day after the crucifixion.

In forty days the journey of the soul takes place. Five days after death, the soul bows before God. She is tormented by fear and anxiety about the mistakes she made during her life. On the ninth day, a memorial service and remembrance are held. Angels show the soul hell, and on the fortieth day God announces his decision. During this period, the soul experiences a real test: it becomes acquainted with hell and sees the torment of sinners. There is a comparison and importance of her positive and negative actions. Only prayers for the repose of the spirit and guardian angels help to withstand torture.

Theologians consider the fortieth day to be the boundary that divides existing life and heavenly. According to religious canons, this date is considered more tragic and mournful than physical death. The 40th day is meant to remind people that the soul goes to God.

According to tradition, prayers and memorial services on the 40th day are of particular importance. Earnest requests from God for mercy can change the destiny of the spirit. Prayer during this period also helps to gain faith in loved ones and cope with the loss of a loved one. To send a loved one off, women tie their hair with black scarves and light candles in front of icons at home.

How to count 40 days after death?

How to correctly calculate the date of the fortieth day? The countdown starts from the day of death. It is considered as the first, not taking into account the time when the person died, although it happened late in the evening. Add 40 to this date on the calculator and get the day when the soul meets the Lord in heaven. Likewise The ninth memorial day is also counted. The third, ninth and fortieth days after death in Orthodoxy are memorial days. It is customary to sincerely pray for the salvation of the soul of the deceased, to remember him good words. They pray for a Christian in church and at home. Particularly important home prayer, when the relatives of the deceased ask God to forgive mistakes and facilitate the soul’s departure to the upper world. In memory of a loved one, a memorial dinner is held and alms are donated.

40 days after death: wake

On the fortieth day after repose, the spiritual essence of a person returns home to say goodbye to his family and rise to God forever. There are legends that say that if the soul does not see a funeral for itself, it will be doomed to eternal torment and wanderings. Therefore in mandatory On this day it is worth gathering to honor the memory of the deceased. In the morning, relatives go to the cemetery to the person’s grave, commemorate there, and at home they set a table with pre-prepared dishes. You should definitely take flowers and a candle to the grave. It is lit, thus expressing respect for the deceased. It is not recommended to talk loudly near the grave, have large dinners, or drink alcohol. As a treat at the cemetery, you can take a small plate of kutia from home as a tribute for the deceased. If a person was a deeply religious parishioner, then the commemoration is carried out immediately after morning prayer in the church house.

Also on this day you should definitely visit the temple to pray to God and order a memorial service or magpie. The requiem is read in front of a special small table in the church called the eve. Donations are placed there in memory of the dead. Home funeral prayer is considered to be the one sung at the liturgy. Sorokoust begins on the day of death and lasts up to 40 days. At the end of this period it is recommended to repeat it.

A funeral dinner is done with the purpose of remembering a person, praying for the peace of his soul and leading it to God. This is a mournful moment and a request from God for the salvation of the soul of a loved one. It is inappropriate to drink alcohol, sing songs or have fun here. The funeral lasts about two hours. The main thing at the dinner is that only Orthodox Christians are present, who will support the family of the deceased morally in grief. Food should be modest; it is not the main attribute of the funeral. You should avoid meat dishes and do not donate them to the temple. Lunch is a continuation of the ritual of worship, so everything should be done correctly so as not to offend the memory and soul of the deceased. It can be carried out either in home environment, and in ritual cafes.

The obligatory main dish is kutia, made from rice or millet;
Fish can be prepared in any way;
It is not advisable to cook meat dishes fried or baked. The purpose of such a requirement is to make the funeral food as simple and lean as possible in order to lighten the soul and body;
Pancakes should be rich, but without filling;
They bake pies with different fillings - salty and sweet;
Fish sandwiches with salmon, sprats or herring;
Classic cutlets made of meat or with mushroom filling, with salted cheese, if the funeral did not occur during Lent;
Lenten cabbage rolls with rice or mushrooms;
Peppers stuffed with meat and rice;
Salads based on lean ingredients;
Many families follow the tradition of preparing the deceased’s favorite dish for the funeral;
For dessert you should serve sweet cheesecakes, cookies, sweets;
Lemonades are suitable as drinks homemade, kvass, freshly squeezed fruit drinks and juices. It is recommended to cook jelly from berries or oatmeal.

All these dishes are easy to prepare, but at the same time satisfying and tasty. In addition, each of them has its own sacred and ritual meaning. Crumbs from the table after dinner are not swept away or thrown away. They are carried to the grave of the deceased and left there to inform the deceased that the funeral dinner has taken place. It is worth considering when setting the table that no sharp objects, knives and forks are not placed on the table. It is correct to eat with spoons. They are placed on the table back side to the top. The spoons are then distributed to people at the end of lunch. This ritual dates back to ancient times, when wooden spoons were distributed in memory of the deceased. But in contrast to this tradition there is next opinion, which claims that the dishes cannot be distributed - she is a “participant” in ritual commemoration. At night, somewhere on the table, sometimes on the window they put a glass of vodka. Top with a slice of bread. If the alcohol has diminished in the morning, then the soul has drunk it. It is not advisable to leave alcohol on the grave; it is prohibited. Orthodox customs. In addition, on the night of the 40th day, the doors and windows are tightly locked. Under no circumstances should you cry on this day, so as not to attract and return the spirit of the deceased.

Sometimes it is not possible to carry out a remembrance strictly on the 40th day. The priests see no sin in holding them earlier or later. It is not allowed to transfer the memorial only to the cemetery.

40 days after death: what not to do?

There are many customs about what is not recommended to be done before the end of the forty-day period. Some that arose back in Ancient Rus', adhere to us too. An interesting fact is that many of them are fiction, and the church confirms this. The most famous prohibited actions:

For 40 days there is no need to cut your hair, you cannot shave - this is a gesture of disrespect for the deceased;
They do not gnaw seeds for up to 40 days. A strange recommendation says that this way you can spit on the soul and memory of the deceased. Another version: the teeth of the one who committed the violation will hurt for a long time. The third version claims that clicking the seeds will attract devils and evil spirits;
For 40 days it is forbidden to clean the house and turn off the lights - you need to have a night lamp or at least a candle shining;
You cannot sleep in the place of the deceased;
All reflective surfaces are covered with sheets for 40 days. The soul reflected in them can take a living person with it;
When carrying out a memorial, it is worth setting aside a place at the table for the deceased, giving him a plate, a glass and a piece of bread;
In the morning, you need to put warm water and a towel on the windowsill so that the spirit can wash itself.

Words on the fortieth day after death

At the wake, they always make a mournful speech about the memory of the deceased person and honor him with a minute of silence. It will be better if some manager close to the family of the deceased presides over the memorial event. He must maintain sound thinking and keep his emotions under control. He will manage the cafe staff and make arrangements for organizational matters and supervise funeral speeches. Each family member wants to speak about the deceased. The manager must direct the order of speakers. This person diverts the attention of people crying in grief to himself. He reminds us that the deceased left our world only physically, spiritually he will always be with us. And in another world it will be better for him, peace and quiet reign there.

If a priest is present at the wake, he will definitely serve a prayer service, read a sermon and the necessary prayers. In the absence of the priest, the family members perform a ritual: they light candles and read the requiem themselves.

What do they say in a funeral speech?

Remember the good deeds of the deceased, his positive aspects and quality. This is not the time to remember grievances and misdeeds. This is the time to forgive. It would be appropriate to remember joint activities, time spent, touching incidents. There is a custom that you should say good things about the deceased or nothing. Sincere condolences are expressed to the family. Funeral words- speech filled with sadness and sorrow.

Death is grief and pain for the loved ones of the deceased. Natural consolation is the desire to help, to facilitate the deceased’s transition to other facets of existence. According to Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul says goodbye to the earth forever and leaves it. Many people organize funerals. What to say on this day and how to behave?

What is the meaning of a funeral ceremony?

It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul appear before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayers. Everything that will be said about the deceased person on this day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul endure God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day and know

The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do this yourself, or you can invite a priest.

Christian traditions for day 40

The ritual of remembrance has been known since the very beginning of Christianity. The purpose of the ritual is to give the soul of the person who has passed into another world peace and tranquility, and to help to know the eternal heavenly Kingdom.

To do this, the friends of the deceased must also gather at the funeral table. When a wake is organized after a death, what should we say to those present? It is believed that what more people remembers the deceased in his prayers, the better it will be for the soul of the one for whom they are praying. On this day, it is customary to remember moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.

Life does not stand still; if earlier the wake was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to receive more people on this day than on the 9th day, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but also everyone who wishes to do so must say goodbye to the person.

40 days after death, wake: what to say at the cemetery?

Visiting the grave of a deceased person is an obligatory part of the funeral ritual. You need to take flowers and a candle with you. It is customary to carry a pair of flowers to a cemetery; even numbers are a symbol of life and death. Laying flowers is the most best way show respect to the deceased.

When you arrive, you should light a candle and pray for peace of mind, then you can simply stand and be silent, remembering the good moments from the life of the deceased person.

Noisy conversations and discussions are not allowed at the cemetery; everything should take place in an atmosphere of calm and tranquility.

Commemoration on the fortieth day in the church

Church commemoration is the mention of the name of the deceased during prayer during the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal good of the person being remembered. The ceremony is carried out after the relatives of the deceased submit a note “On repose”. It is important to know that this note contains the names only of those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church.

For the relatives of the deceased best view donations will be a candle for the deceased. At the moment of installing the candle, you need to pray for the repose of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, funeral services (40 days after death) are not held before the established date. If, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the ceremony on an earlier date, then on the next weekend after the forties, it is necessary to give out alms. On the same day, carry out church commemoration.

Organization of the funeral table

The purpose of a memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the repose of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, and thank people for their participation and help. You cannot organize a dinner with the goal of impressing the guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting of an abundance of dishes, or feeding them to their fullest.

The main thing is not food, but uniting in grief and supporting those who are having a hard time. It is important to take into account the main rules of Christianity: restrictions on admission alcoholic drinks, fasting and the presence of the simplest dishes on the table.

You should not perceive a wake as a feast. Large expenses in this case are unjustified; it would be much more useful to direct financial investments into charity.

If more than 40 days have passed since the death, a wake can be arranged later, if only the funeral table will be moved. It is necessary to pray for the soul of the deceased on the 40th day.

Main dishes of the funeral table

When setting the table, it is advisable to give preference to lenten dishes. At the head of the table there should be porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish represents the rebirth of the soul and symbolizes the benefits of eternal life.

The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the funeral being organized. Traditionally prepared: pancakes, pies, porridge, cabbage soup and jelly. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetable or Among the first courses: borscht, noodles chicken broth, beetroot. Garnish - buckwheat porridge, pilaf or mashed potatoes. The Church is against alcoholic beverages; in any case, their use should be limited.

If the wake coincided with fasting, then the meat should be exchanged for fish. For salads, vinaigrette is perfect. Let there be mushrooms, vegetables and fruits on the table. The main thing at a wake is to strengthen your strength in order to continue to tirelessly pray for the deceased.

How to prepare a funeral speech

No commemoration is complete without a funeral speech. Sometimes a presenter is invited especially for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of speeches. If the leader is absent, one of the close relatives should take on his role.

When a wake is held for 40 days after a death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in a certain order of speakers. First, the speech is given by the closest relatives, then by friends and lastly by acquaintances.

Don't rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people who are in grief will listen to you. Brevity and accuracy are the main criteria for a funeral speech. Try to find time to practice at home so you can decide where to say nothing and what to add.

Usually all the closest ones come to the wake (40 days after death). A speech given at the table should not consist of a biography of the deceased person, because there will be people who already know well all the life stages of the deceased. It is very good to talk about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.

When preparing a wake for 40 days after a death, poems dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you tune in to a lyrical-tragic mood, helping to create an atmosphere of a wake.

You can supplement your speech with a photograph of the deceased or an item that belonged to him, which will prove to those present how good person was deceased. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the funeral table.

Sample speech

Many people think when they organize a wake for 40 days after a death: “What to say?”... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to say the words from the heart. But there are still certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the funeral ceremony.

You should begin by greeting those present, followed by a story about who you are to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and then go on to talk about good sides the person being remembered. If possible, remember the good moments you experienced together. It is very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is complemented by good memories. The speech ends with a promise to forever remember the one being remembered.

Still, you can remember a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to follow the basic rules of the memorial rite: prayer, alms and good memories of the deceased.

40 days after death is an important date. What does it mean and how correctly, according to Christian traditions, to remember the dead so that they find eternal peace and God's grace. This question is often heard from people who are far from Orthodox traditions, but if the family of the deceased wants to pay a debt of memory and respect to a relative, everything should be done correctly. Therefore, we will tell you how to remember for 40 days after the death of a loved one.

Christians should remember dead friends and loved ones not only by days of mourning. True believers pray for the souls of their loved ones every minute. But there are dates when you must strictly follow the priest’s instructions. These are three, nine and forty days from the date of death.

The fortieth day is the most important for the soul of the deceased; she receives news of where she will wait Last Judgment.

But until this time, the soul is nearby, it is on earth: it sees everything, hears, and yearns. That is why you cannot indulge in grief for a long time, cry bitterly and ask the deceased to return. A person already suffers from the inability to change something, and grieving relatives bring even greater confusion.

A 40-day wake is an important and responsible event.

At this moment, Orthodox Christians should pray for the deceased, set the table, remember the earthly affairs of the deceased, visit the cemetery, and light a candle in the church for the repose. Order a prayer service in memory of the newly deceased servant of God. These actions make it easier for the soul to transition to another world and help those who are grieving to endure a bitter loss.

How should a believer respond to the death of a loved one?

Our ancestors believed in an afterlife, and throughout their earthly journey they prepared for the transition to a new state. Modern Orthodox Christians and fellow Catholics also believe in the posthumous existence of the soul. After death, we no longer influence where the incorporeal shell will be assigned, but relatives and friends are obliged to sincerely and fervently ask for leniency in order to soften the Lord. Only faith, sacred words and warm memories can ease the fate of the newly deceased. Therefore, it is never too late to express grief and ask the Almighty for mercy. A man has died, but close relatives are asking for him.

Go to church, remember with a kind word someone who is dear to you.

Death is a stage life path. Sooner or later, the hour will come for everyone to die. After earthly existence there comes a period of retribution for what has been done. There is no need to be afraid of the end of life; one should be afraid of punishment for unrighteous deeds and deeds.

The meaning of date in Christianity

Burying a loved one is difficult. 40 days after death, what the date means and how to properly remember the deceased - these are the questions people ask when faced with death. How to express grief, organize a farewell and memorial service, what to serve. In difficult times, relatives get lost and don’t know how to behave properly.

There is no exact answer to the question of why exactly the fortieth day is taken as the key point of the soul’s farewell to the earth. But the Orthodox faith says that the power of prayer on this day can decide the fate of the soul going to heaven. This is the last chance given to influence the highest decision. That is why it is so important to observe the commemoration calendar.

The fortieth day is counted from the moment of death. It doesn't matter whether the sad event happened in the morning or in the evening. It is customary to count the ninth day in the same way. These dates are in Orthodox tradition called days of remembrance. It is necessary to observe all rituals and traditions so that the soul of the deceased can feel at ease and at peace.

A Christian, a baptized person is remembered with prayer. It is said in church and at home. They hold a funeral dinner and distribute alms to those in need. A mournful meal may be organized outside the house where the deceased lived.

40 is a sacred number. We will find confirmation of this fact in the Bible. So, Moses led the people through the desert for 40 years; After forty days, Jesus ascended to heaven.

After death, the soul goes on a journey: for the first 9 days it worships the Creator. Then, the angels lead her through the afterlife, showing her Heaven and Hell. Finally, God pronounces a verdict regarding her continued existence. After making a decision, the soul goes to permanent rest. Where the Last Judgment and Resurrection awaits.

There are strict requirements for the mourning dinner.

No alcohol.
Appropriate clothing.
Prohibition of loud conversations and funny songs.
You should not take a wake as an occasion to meet with friends and talk about abstract topics. For socializing, find another place and time.
Those gathered at the table must adhere to Orthodox faith. Only they can help the soul of the newly deceased.

Remember, a wake is not a gathering of old friends. You cannot turn a memorial into an ordinary feast, this is a sin.

You should pray for the deceased not only on mourning dates. You need to turn to the Lord with requests starting from the first minutes of death. This will make it easier for the soul to find peace.

Main dishes of the funeral table

The funeral meal is simple. The rules become stricter when she is in office. But even if there are no restrictions on this day, refuse meat food. Get ready Lenten dishes: vegetables, fish. You cannot donate fast food to the temple.

For the church table they bring products such as cereals, bread, vegetable oil. They bring milk and eggs. Candies are suitable to please children.

Obligatory dishes at a funeral meal.

Kutya
Fish (baked or boiled)
Pancakes
Vegetable salads
Olivier or vinaigrette with herring
Lenten cabbage rolls

Complete the list of dishes following the advice of your confessor. He will tell you what to cook for your farewell dinner.

Among the drinks, preference is given to jelly, kvass, and traditional dried fruit compote.

Important! Ignorant people leave vodka on the grave. Orthodox Church categorically prohibits following the barbaric custom. Water, not strong drinks, is poured into a cut glass that is placed near a photograph of the deceased house. Do not forget about traditions and stop attempts to mix pagan rituals with Orthodox canons.

Funeral words

To remember the deceased properly, you should say a few words about him. At a mourning dinner, it is considered the rule to make speeches. But it will be better if those gathered at the funeral feast honor the memory of their friend and relative with a minute of silence. A sad meeting at the funeral table is a time of remembrance: tell us what a wonderful person the deceased was, what he loved, what virtues he possessed. Tips for hosting an event:

The funeral speech is pronounced standing.
The host is chosen to be someone close to the family. He must be collected and keep the situation under control. Do not give in to emotions, be able to calm inconsolable relatives.
The ceremony director thinks through the speech in advance, prepares soothing phrases in case the words are interrupted due to sobs.

Speeches at funerals are always short, so that everyone has the opportunity to speak. It is important to remember that death is not forever. The soul of the deceased passed into a new state. The death of a loved one is a serious test, but try to distract yourself from sad thoughts and support your friends and relatives.

The Church does not set a strict time frame, but meets the parishioners halfway. The main thing is not to forget about the person: read a prayer, order a service, remember him in church. If the forties fall on a Sunday or Lent, then you can reschedule the funeral dinner and go to the cemetery. This rule also applies to the year from the date of death. It can also be celebrated earlier.

Significant dates memorial calendar– three, nine, forty days, anniversary of death.

Who should not be remembered

IN Christian tradition It is customary to remember only those who died from natural causes. Who else is not named in prayers:

Suicides
People who died or committed suicide while intoxicated or otherwise intoxicated
Apostates
Unbaptized
Atheists
Inovertsev

An exception is made only for those whose death occurred due to clouding of reason. People whose minds have been damaged by illness are not separated from church sacraments. They are buried, prayers are offered over the body, and they are remembered in the temple. This is due to the fact that the person who had gone crazy did not know what he was doing, which means there was no malicious intent.

Life is a great gift given by God. When a person neglects it, he is deprived of the right to church commemoration. Voluntary departure can only mean one thing - eternal torment and suffering of the soul.

They don’t light candles in churches for suicides, they don’t order memorial services. Relatives pray for them at home, privately. They give out alms and ask the Almighty for mercy towards the lost soul. People need to remember this whenever the thought of putting an end to suffering and troubles at once creeps into their minds.

Distribution of things and alms

An integral part of commemoration is the distribution of the deceased's belongings to charity. For 40 days, be sure to sort through what belonged to the deceased during his lifetime: distribute memorable, dear trinkets to friends and acquaintances - this is the right and Christian act. Take clean and unworn items to the temple and offer them to those who are poor. This is not just a ritual or sign, but an act of mercy and goodwill. It will be credited both to the one who does good and to the soul of the deceased in the next world.

Relatives leave things that remind them of their relative.

What prayer to read for 40 days

Prayers are read at home for the repose of the soul. It is not necessary to learn words by heart. The main thing is that they come from the heart. The clergy say that God hears us when we sincerely ask for help. They also say a prayer to Saint War:

O holy martyr Uare, the venerable one, we kindle with zeal for the Lord Christ, you confessed the Heavenly King before the tormentor, and for Him you suffered zealously, and now the Church honors you, as you are glorified by the Lord Christ with the glory of Heaven, Who has given you the grace of great boldness towards Him, and now you stand before Him with the Angels, and rejoice in the Highest, and clearly see the Holy Trinity, and enjoy the light of the Beginning Radiance, remember also our relatives' yearning, who died in wickedness, accept our petition, and like Cleopatrine, you freed the unfaithful race from eternal torment with your prayers , so remember those who were buried against God, who died unbaptized, trying to ask for deliverance from eternal darkness, so that with one mouth and one heart we may all praise the Most Merciful Creator forever and ever. Amen.

Whatever events happen in life, sad or joyful, people should remember that God is watching over them. Supports in difficult times, encourages, instructs, rejoices when life gets better. This statement is first of all worth remembering when death comes to the house. In the first minutes and hours, it is important not to lose heart, to help the disembodied essence of the deceased safely pass the tests on the way to Paradise.

Commemoration of the deceased is not a tribute to traditions or unquestioning observance of Christian customs. A prayer said without faith is a meaningless set of words. This is painstaking and difficult work that falls on the shoulders of those who remain on earth. Our task is to provide the soul with a comfortable transition to another world, to give the opportunity to rest in Christ, to atone for lifetime sins.

Asked by: Inna

Answered by: Site Editor

Hello! Please tell me how to remember 40 days correctly - day after day or can it be earlier/later? Thank you very much!

Dear Inna!

Home prayers and memorials must be performed on the 40th day, and the memorial table can be moved.

The pious custom of remembering the dead at meals has been known for a very long time. But, unfortunately, many funerals turn into an occasion for relatives to get together, discuss news, eat delicious food, while Orthodox Christians should pray for the deceased at the funeral table.

Before the meal, a litia should be performed - a short rite of requiem, which can be performed by a layman. IN as a last resort you need to at least read Psalm 90 and the “Our Father” prayer. The first dish eaten at a wake is kutia (kolivo). These are boiled cereal grains (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains serve as a symbol of resurrection, and honey - the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutia must be blessed with a special rite during a memorial service; if this is not possible, you need to sprinkle it with holy water.

Naturally, the owners want to provide a tasty treat for everyone who came to the funeral. But you must observe the fasts established by the Church and eat permitted foods: on Wednesdays, Fridays, and during long fasts, do not eat fasting foods.

You must abstain from wine, especially vodka, at the funeral meal! The dead are not remembered with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a wake is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who may suffer greatly in life. afterlife. You should not drink alcohol, even if the deceased himself liked to drink. It is known that “drunken” wakes often turn into an ugly gathering where the deceased is simply forgotten. At the table you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - wake). The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the table “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families.

On the contrary, there are pious customs worthy of imitation. In many Orthodox families, the first to sit at the funeral table are the poor and the poor, children and old women. They can also be given clothes and belongings of the deceased. Orthodox people can tell about numerous cases of identification from the afterlife about great help to the deceased as a result of the creation of alms by their relatives. Moreover, the loss of loved ones prompts many people to take the first step towards God, to begin living the life of an Orthodox Christian.

Since after death a person can no longer pray for himself, and we must do this for him. Therefore, memorial services and home prayer for the deceased are very useful, as are good deeds done in their memory - alms or donations to the Church. But it is especially useful for them to remember this Divine Liturgy. There were many apparitions of the dead and other events that confirmed how useful commemoration of the dead is. Many who died in repentance, but were unable to demonstrate it during their lifetime, were freed from torment and received peace. That is why prayers for the repose of the departed are constantly offered up in the Church.

Thus, one living archimandrite says: next case from my pastoral practice.

“It was during difficult times post-war years. A mother, tearful with grief, whose eight-year-old son Misha drowned, comes to me, the rector of the village church. And she says that she dreamed of Misha and complained about the cold - he was completely without clothes. I tell her: “Are any of his clothes left?” - "Yes, sure". - “Give it to your Mishin friends, they’ll probably find it useful.”

A few days later she tells me that she again saw Misha in a dream: he was dressed in exactly the clothes that were given to his friends. He thanked him, but now complained of hunger. I advised to organize a memorial meal for the village children—Misha’s friends and acquaintances. No matter how difficult it is to hard time, but what can you not do for your beloved son! And the woman treated the children as best she could.

She came for the third time. She thanked me very much: “Misha said in a dream that now he is warm and nourished, but my prayers are not enough.” I taught her prayers and advised her not to leave acts of mercy for the future. She became a zealous parishioner, always ready to respond to requests for help, and to the best of her ability she helped orphans, the poor and the poor.”

Archbishop John (Maksimovich) speaks especially well about what we can do for the dead: “Everyone who wants to show his love for the dead and give them real help, Maybe in the best possible way to make this a prayer for them and especially a remembrance at the Liturgy, when the particles taken for the living and the dead are immersed in the Blood of the Lord with the words: “Wash away, Lord, the sins of those who were remembered here with Your honest Blood, with the prayers of Your saints.”

We cannot do anything better or more for the departed than to pray for them, remembering them at the Liturgy. They always need this, especially in those forty days when the soul of the deceased follows the path to eternal settlements. The body then feels nothing: it does not see the gathered loved ones, does not smell the smell of flowers, does not hear funeral speeches. But the soul feels the prayers offered for it, is grateful to those who offer them, and is spiritually close to them.

Oh, relatives and friends of the deceased! Do for them what is necessary and what is in your power, use your money not for external decoration of the coffin and grave, but to help those in need, in memory of your deceased loved ones, at the Church where prayers are offered for them. Be merciful to the deceased, take care of their souls. The same path lies before you, and how we will then want to be remembered in prayer! Let us ourselves be merciful to the departed.

Immediately take care of the sorokoust, that is, daily commemoration at the Liturgy for forty days. Usually in churches where services are performed daily, the deceased who were buried in this way are remembered for forty days or more. But if the funeral service was in a church where there are no daily services, the relatives themselves should take care and order the magpie there where there is a daily service.”

Let us take care of those who have gone to another world before us, in order to do for them everything that we can, remembering that the blessings of mercy are such that there will be mercy (Matthew 5:7).