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How to celebrate the birthday of the deceased. The day of a person’s death is not random, just like the day of birth

The hour comes when the remains of the deceased are buried in the earth, where they will rest until the end of time and the general resurrection. But the love of the Mother of the Church for her child who has departed from this life does not dry out. On certain days, she makes prayers for the deceased and makes a bloodless sacrifice for his repose. Special days of commemoration are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first). Commemoration on these days is sanctified by ancient church custom. It is consistent with the teaching of the Church about the state of the soul beyond the grave.

Third day. The commemoration of the deceased on the third day after death is performed in honor of the three-day resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image Holy Trinity.

For the first two days, the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the Angel accompanying it through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, evil and good deeds. The soul that loves the body sometimes wanders around the house in which the body is placed, and thus spends two days like a bird looking for a nest. A virtuous soul walks through those places in which it used to do the truth. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. Very timely therefore church commemoration the soul that appeared before the Just One.

Ninth day. The commemoration of the deceased on this day is in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and representatives to Him for us, petition for pardon for the deceased.

After the third day, the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. She remains in this state for six days. During this time, the soul forgets the sorrow that it felt while in the body and after leaving it. But if she is guilty of sins, then at the sight of the pleasure of the saints she begins to grieve and reproach herself: “Woe is me! How much I have become fussy in this world! I spent most of my life in carelessness and did not serve God as I should, so that I too would be worthy of this grace and glory. Alas for me, poor one!” On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. The soul stands before the throne of the Most High with fear and trembling. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the merciful Judge to place the soul of her child with the saints.

Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation and acceptance of the special Divine gift of the gracious help of the Heavenly Father. The Prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The Israelites reached the promised land after a forty-year journey. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established commemoration on the fortieth day after death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of God, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.

After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - according to earthly affairs, it is assigned a place to stay until Last Judgment. That's why it's so timely church prayers and commemorations on this day. They atone for the sins of the deceased and ask for his soul to be placed in paradise with the saints.

Anniversary. The Church commemorates the deceased on the anniversary of their death. The basis for this establishment is obvious. It is known that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual circle, after which all the fixed holidays are repeated again. The anniversary of the death of a loved one is always marked with at least a heartfelt remembrance by loving family and friends. For an Orthodox believer, this is a birthday for a new one, eternal life.

UNIVERSAL MEMORIAL SERVICES (PARENTAL SATURDAYS)

In addition to these days, the Church has established special days for the solemn, general, ecumenical commemoration of all fathers and brothers in faith who have passed away from time to time, who have been worthy of Christian death, as well as those who, having been caught sudden death, were not given a farewell afterlife prayers of the Church. Requiem services performed at the same time, specified by the charter Universal Church, are called ecumenical, and the days on which commemoration is performed are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. In the circle of the liturgical year, such days of general remembrance are:

Meat Saturday. Dedicating the Meat Week to the remembrance of the last Last Judgment of Christ, the Church, in view of this judgment, established to intercede not only for its living members, but also for all those who have died from time immemorial, who have lived in piety, of all generations, ranks and conditions, especially for those who died a sudden death , and prays to the Lord for mercy on them. The solemn pan-church commemoration of the departed on this Saturday (as well as on Trinity Saturday) brings great benefit and help to our deceased fathers and brothers and at the same time serves as an expression of completeness church life which we live. For salvation is possible only in the Church - the community of believers, the members of which are not only those living, but also all those who have died in the faith. And communication with them through prayer, their prayerful remembrance is an expression of our common unity in the Church of Christ.

Saturday Trinity. The commemoration of all dead pious Christians was established on the Saturday before Pentecost due to the fact that the event of the descent of the Holy Spirit completed the economy of human salvation, and the deceased also participate in this salvation. Therefore, the Church, sending up prayers on Pentecost for the revival of all living by the Holy Spirit, asks on the very day of the holiday that for the departed the grace of the all-holy and all-sanctifying Spirit of the Comforter, which they were granted during their lifetime, would be a source of bliss, since by the Holy Spirit “every soul is given life.” " Therefore, the Church devotes the eve of the holiday, Saturday, to the remembrance of the departed and prayer for them. Saint Basil the Great, who composed the touching prayers of Vespers of Pentecost, says in them that the Lord especially on this day deigns to accept prayers for the dead and even for “those kept in hell.”

Parents' Saturdays 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of the Holy Pentecost. On Holy Pentecost - the days of Great Lent, the feat of spirituality, the feat of repentance and charity to others - the Church calls on believers to be in the closest union of Christian love and peace not only with the living, but also with the dead, to perform prayerful commemorations of those who have departed from this life on designated days. In addition, the Saturdays of these weeks are designated by the Church for the remembrance of the dead for another reason that on the weekdays of Great Lent no funeral commemorations are performed (this includes funeral litanies, litias, memorial services, commemorations of the 3rd, 9th and 40th days by death, sorokousty), since there is no full liturgy every day, the celebration of which is associated with the commemoration of the dead. In order not to deprive the dead of the saving intercession of the Church on the days of the Holy Pentecost, the indicated Saturdays are allocated.

Radonitsa. The basis for the general commemoration of the dead, which takes place on the Tuesday after St. Thomas Week (Sunday), is, on the one hand, the remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell and His victory over death, connected with St. Thomas Sunday, and, on the other hand, the permission of the church charter to perform the usual commemoration of the dead after Passion and Holy Week, starting from Fomin Monday. On this day, believers come to the graves of their relatives and friends with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ. Hence the day of remembrance itself is called Radonitsa (or Radunitsa).

Unfortunately, in Soviet times, the custom was established to visit cemeteries not on Radonitsa, but on the first day of Easter. It is natural for a believer to visit the graves of his loved ones after fervent prayer for their repose in the church - after a memorial service has been served in the church. During the same Easter week There are no memorial services, for Easter is an all-encompassing joy for believers in the Resurrection of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, during the entire Easter week, funeral litanies are not pronounced (although the usual commemoration is performed at the proskomedia), and memorial services are not served.

CHURCH FUNERAL SERVICES

It is necessary to remember the deceased in the Church as often as possible, not only on designated special days commemoration, but also on any other day. The Church performs the main prayer for the repose of deceased Orthodox Christians on Divine Liturgy, making a bloodless sacrifice to God for them. To do this, you should submit notes with their names to the church before the start of the liturgy (or the night before) (only baptized Orthodox Christians can be entered). At the proskomedia, particles will be taken out of the prosphoras for their repose, which at the end of the liturgy will be lowered into the holy chalice and washed with the Blood of the Son of God. Let us remember that this is the greatest benefit we can provide to those who are dear to us. This is how it is said about commemoration at the liturgy in the Message of the Eastern Patriarchs: “We believe that the souls of people who fell into mortal sins and did not despair at death, but repented even before separation from real life, only those who did not have time to bear any fruits of repentance (such fruits could be their prayers, tears, kneeling during prayer vigils, contrition, consolation of the poor and expression of love for God and neighbors in their actions) - the souls of such people descend into hell and suffer for what they have done sins of punishment, without losing, however, hope for relief. They receive relief through the infinite goodness of God through the prayers of priests and charity performed for the dead, and especially through the power of the bloodless sacrifice, which, in particular, the priest makes for every Christian for his loved ones, and in general for everyone the Catholic Church makes every day. Apostolic Church».

An eight-pointed symbol is usually placed at the top of the note. orthodox cross. Then the type of commemoration is indicated - “On repose”, after which the names of those commemorated in the genitive case are written in large, legible handwriting (to answer the question “who?”), and the clergy and monastics are mentioned first, indicating the rank and degree of monasticism (for example, Metropolitan John, schema-abbot Savva, archpriest Alexander, nun Rachel, Andrey, Nina).

All names must be given in church spelling (for example, Tatiana, Alexy) and in full (Mikhail, Lyubov, and not Misha, Lyuba).

The number of names on the note does not matter; you just need to take into account that the priest has the opportunity to read not very long notes more carefully. Therefore, it is better to submit several notes if you want to remember many of your loved ones.

By submitting notes, the parishioner makes a donation for the needs of the monastery or temple. To avoid any embarrassment, please remember that the difference in prices (registered or plain notes) only reflects the difference in the amount of the donation. Also, do not be embarrassed if you did not hear the names of your relatives mentioned in the litany. As mentioned above, the main commemoration takes place at the proskomedia when removing particles from the prosphora. During the funeral litany, you can take out your memorial and pray for your loved ones. The prayer will be more effective if the one commemorating himself on that day partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ.

After the liturgy, a memorial service can be celebrated. The memorial service is served before the eve - a special table with an image of the crucifixion and rows of candlesticks. Here you can leave an offering for the needs of the temple in memory of deceased loved ones.

It is very important after death to order the sorokoust in the church - continuous commemoration during the liturgy for forty days. After its completion, the sorokoust can be ordered again. There are also long terms commemoration - six months, a year. Some monasteries accept notes for eternal (as long as the monastery stands) commemoration or for commemoration during the reading of the Psalter (such is the ancient Orthodox custom). Than in more temples will offer prayer, so much the better for our neighbor!

It is very useful on the memorable days of the deceased to donate to the church, give alms to the poor with a request to pray for him. On the eve you can bring sacrificial food. You cannot just bring meat food and alcohol (except for church wine) to the eve. The simplest type of sacrifice for the deceased is a candle that is lit for his repose.

Realizing that the most we can do for our deceased loved ones is to submit a note of remembrance at the liturgy, we should not forget to pray for them at home and perform acts of mercy.

MEMORY OF THE DECEASED AT HOME PRAYER

Prayer for the departed is our main and invaluable help to those who have passed into another world. The deceased, by and large, does not need a coffin, a grave monument, much less a memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. But forever living soul The deceased feels a great need for constant prayer, because she cannot do good deeds with which she would be able to appease the Lord. Home prayer for loved ones, including the dead, is the duty of every Orthodox Christian. St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, speaks about prayer for the dead: “If the all-discerning Wisdom of God does not forbid praying for the dead, does this not mean that it is still allowed to throw a rope, although not always reliable enough, but sometimes, and perhaps often, saving for souls who have fallen away from the shores of temporary life, but have not reached eternal refuge? Saving for those souls who waver over the abyss between bodily death and the final judgment of Christ, now rising by faith, now plunging into deeds unworthy of it, now elevated by grace, now brought down by the remains of a damaged nature, now ascended by Divine desire, now entangled in the rough, not yet completely stripped of the clothes of earthly thoughts..."

Home prayerful commemoration of a deceased Christian is very diverse. You should pray especially diligently for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. As already indicated in the section “Reading the Psalter for the Dead,” during this period it is very useful to read the Psalter about the deceased, at least one kathisma per day. You can also recommend reading an akathist about the repose of the departed. In general, the Church commands us to pray every day for deceased parents, relatives, known people and benefactors. For this purpose, among the daily morning prayers included the following short prayer:

Prayer for the departed

Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is more convenient to read names from a commemoration book - a small book where the names of living and deceased relatives are written down. There is a pious custom of keeping family memorials, reading which Orthodox people remember by name many generations of their deceased ancestors.

FUNERAL MEAL

The pious custom of remembering the dead at meals has been known for a very long time. But, unfortunately, many funerals turn into an occasion for relatives to get together, discuss news, eat delicious food, while Orthodox Christians should pray for the deceased at the funeral table.

Before the meal, a litia should be performed - a short rite of requiem, which can be performed by a layman. IN as a last resort you need to at least read Psalm 91 and the Lord’s Prayer. The first dish eaten at a wake is kutia (kolivo). These are boiled cereal grains (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains serve as a symbol of resurrection, and honey - the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutia must be blessed with a special rite during a memorial service; if this is not possible, you need to sprinkle it with holy water.

Naturally, the owners want to provide a tasty treat for everyone who came to the funeral. But you must observe the fasts established by the Church and eat permitted foods: on Wednesdays, Fridays, and during long fasts, do not eat fasting foods. If the memory of the deceased occurs on a weekday during Lent, then the commemoration is moved to the Saturday or Sunday closest to it.

You must abstain from wine, especially vodka, at the funeral meal! The dead are not remembered with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a wake is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who may suffer greatly in the afterlife. You should not drink alcohol, even if the deceased himself liked to drink. It is known that “drunken” wakes often turn into an ugly gathering where the deceased is simply forgotten. At the table you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - wake). The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the table “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families.

On the contrary, there are pious customs worthy of imitation. In many Orthodox families, the first to sit at the funeral table are the poor and wretched, children and old women. They can also be given clothes and belongings of the deceased. Orthodox people can tell about numerous cases of identification from the afterlife about great help to the deceased as a result of the creation of alms by their relatives. Moreover, the loss of loved ones prompts many people to take the first step towards God, to start living life Orthodox Christian.

Thus, one living archimandrite says: next case from his pastoral practice.

“It was during difficult times post-war years. A mother, tearful with grief, whose eight-year-old son Misha drowned, comes to me, the rector of the village church. And she says that she dreamed of Misha and complained about the cold - he was completely without clothes. I tell her: “Are any of his clothes left?” - "Yes, sure". - “Give it to your Mishin friends, they’ll probably find it useful.”

A few days later she tells me that she again saw Misha in a dream: he was dressed in exactly the clothes that were given to his friends. He thanked him, but now complained of hunger. I advised to organize a memorial meal for the village children - Misha's friends and acquaintances. No matter how difficult it is to hard time, but what can you not do for your beloved son! And the woman treated the children as best she could.

She came for the third time. She thanked me very much: “Misha said in a dream that now he is warm and nourished, but my prayers are not enough.” I taught her prayers and advised her not to leave acts of mercy for the future. She became a zealous parishioner, always ready to respond to requests for help, and to the best of her ability she helped orphans, the poor and the poor.”

The question of why one should not go to a cemetery on the birthday of the deceased interests both superstitious people and realists. After a person dies, the relatives of the deceased do not forget about him, preserving the eternal memory of his soul. A visit to the cemetery is a must. Usually, this is done on Radunitsa or when it is necessary to clean up and restore order at the burial site. Is it possible to come to the grave on the birthday of the deceased and how should one behave on such a date?

What does the church think about this?

Church ministers do not prohibit close people of the deceased from going to the cemetery on his birthday. It is correct to combine these types of visits with an order. church service for the repose, or it is necessary to give alms. The commemoration that the church allows is flower arrangements at the tombstone and candles. The most important thing is to know a sense of proportion. Purchasing wreaths from the agency in large quantities and holding large-scale celebrations at the grave of the deceased is not only not recommended, but also prohibited.

The main thing, as church ministers say:

  • visit the grave;
  • pray;
  • harbor exclusively good thoughts.

It is better not to shed tears or get upset when visiting the burial site, otherwise the soul of the deceased will begin to worry. There are no prohibitions on visiting the cemetery. You are allowed to come and sit at the grave whenever it is convenient, but you can stay in the cemetery as long as you want. But there is one point. You cannot celebrate the birthday of the deceased! This date after death simply does not exist, so it is not celebrated.

Church officials do not consider the birthday of the deceased to be anything special. After death it loses its meaning. Therefore, you should not think about this issue. Whatever the relative of the deceased spends on this day is always permitted.

What is possible?

We figured out that you can visit the grave on the date of birth of the deceased, if you do not perceive it as a holiday. There are several simple actions that are not prohibited. A person can:

  • conduct a church memorial service;
  • execute common prayer at the gravestone;
  • restore order at the burial site;
  • mentally communicate with the deceased;
  • give to the poor begging.

When a person returns home from the cemetery, as is customary, it is allowed to treat those present delicious dishes. This will help to remember the deceased and read a prayer for his reassurance.

What's not allowed?

Experts give some advice on how to behave at the grave of the deceased. Prohibited:

  1. It's great to celebrate.
  2. Drink alcohol.
  3. Leaving food at a gravestone or taking something from a grave.

To adhere to the rules, you are allowed to remember the deceased at home and in church, and you can visit the cemetery, but without gatherings, noise or alcohol. If it is difficult for a person to visit a cemetery, then it is necessary to pray at the location. Attendance at funerals and services is permitted regardless of the territory of the cemetery where a loved one rests.

Should we celebrate?

You can visit the grave of the deceased on his birthday. But there are also rules of conduct in the cemetery:

  • You cannot wear bright clothes;
  • you need to come in the first half of the day;
  • avoid swearing, loud crying, laughter;
  • It is forbidden to spit and litter;
  • You need to leave without looking back, you can’t come back.

People of the past generation, despite the fact that they did not have literacy, compared with today's average person, read the traditions of Orthodoxy much more correctly and knew more about life than young people. They treated the dead, friends, and relatives in a special way. Once upon a time, no one took food to the grave. This date was not celebrated. And this is due to the fact that previously people believed that after the death of a deceased person there was no birthday, when the soul was in the body of the deceased. When she goes to heaven, the date of her death is immediately transformed into the date of birth.

Every person comes into this world to fulfill his destiny. But the time comes when you have to leave the earthly world and go to eternity. gives life, and he takes it away. In Orthodoxy there are basic customs and traditions on how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death.

Wake. History of the ritual

A ritual such as a wake is carried out by the relatives of the deceased. It arose a long time ago on the basis of Christianity. Moreover, it combined several rituals from several religions. However, this rite can only be performed on those who have been baptized. The Church does not pray for those who have taken their own lives, the unbaptized, and people of other religions.

Orthodox Christians hold funeral services 3 times: on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death. The basis of this ritual is as follows:

  1. Relatives or friends are preparing a funeral table.
  2. Everyone who knew the deceased is welcome to come and take a place at the table.
  3. They eat and remember the deceased good words, tell interesting incidents from his life.
  4. The remaining food is distributed to all guests so that they still think about the deceased.

For 40 days after death, the soul is in search and ignorance. For the first 3 days, she visits all her native and familiar places, being close to those who were close during life. Until the 9th day, he gets acquainted with places called paradise. And until the 40th day he sees the suffering of people who are in hell.

On the 40th day God's judgment pronounces a verdict on where a person’s soul should find peace. The anniversary of death is considered the beginning of this eternal life.

The most dear people are invited to the anniversary. They try to call those whom the deceased would like to see during his lifetime. Preparation for the meal begins in advance.

How to prepare a funeral meal

First of all, you need to determine what day the anniversary of the death falls on. If it is a day of fasting, it is necessary to prepare meatless dishes. If it’s a normal day, you can include in the menu those dishes that the deceased loved. It is prohibited to place any alcoholic beverages on the table.

You definitely need to prepare kutya and consecrate it in the church. As a rule, Orthodox Christians prepare it from rice or wheat with raisins.

Much attention is paid to table setting. Everything should be modest; forks are not placed on the table on Memorial Day. An even number of guests are seated at the table, and the same number of cutlery is placed.

But the main point is reading prayers and saying kind words about the deceased. You need to light a candle or lamp, put a photograph in a mourning frame.

For the deceased, a glass of water is placed on the table, which is covered with a piece of bread, a spoon and a small cup of salt are placed next to it.

Visit to the cemetery

Before sitting down to the table, you must visit the grave of the deceased. If for some reason this cannot be done on the day of the funeral, you can come to the cemetery on another day. Just be sure to arrive at the burial site before noon.

You should take a candle with you, which you need to put and light in a special glass. Flowers will not be out of place: fresh or artificial, depending on the time of year. By pagan rituals many people bring food with them, leave candy or what the deceased loved at the grave: apples, cigarettes, pies.

True believers remember the deceased only with prayers and the laying of fresh flowers.

The Christian faith believes that memory can only be honored through prayer. In this case, even the most serious sins can be forgiven. Therefore, you need to order a Memorial Service in the church. You can also order Sorokoust about the deceased, which will be recited for 40 days, 6 months or a whole year.

Be sure to light a candle for the repose of your soul. You can invite a priest to the grave, who will read the akafest and perform a litia.

Is the deceased remembered on his birthday?

In some families, it is customary to remember the deceased on the day he would have had a birthday. Is this correct? According to ancient beliefs, the birthday of the deceased ceased to have any meaning, since now the date of death is the date of birth of a new life. Therefore, our ancestors did not remember this day and did not go to the cemetery.

The priests believe that they can commemorate him at any time, including on his birthday on earth. Only this remembrance should occur in prayers and thoughts about the deceased.

How to remember a deceased person on the anniversary of his death if he voluntarily passed away or was unbaptized? The answer can be found in the letter of the Apostle Paul to the Colossians, who says that for God everyone is equal. Therefore, no matter how a person died, at least close people should remember him on his anniversary. After all, only prayers will help him cleanse himself from the sins of worldly life.

The Church, taking into account the psychology of people, separates days of celebration and days of sadness. The joyful rejoicing that the Church communicates to believers at Easter is separated from the mood of sadness that accompanies the remembrance of the dead. Therefore, on Easter Day you are not supposed to go to the cemetery and not perform a funeral service.

If someone dies, and death on Easter is traditionally considered a sign of God’s mercy, then the funeral service is performed according to the Easter rite, which includes many Easter hymns.

To visit the cemetery, the Church appoints a special day - Radonitsa (from the word joy - after all, the Easter holiday continues), and this holiday is celebrated on the Tuesday after Easter week.

On this day, a funeral service is served and believers visit the cemetery to pray for the departed, so that the Easter joy will be passed on to them.

THIS IS IMPORTANT! People began to visit cemeteries on Easter only during Soviet times, when churches were closed. People who felt the need to gather and share joy could not go to churches, which were closed, and went to the cemetery on Easter instead of going a week later. The cemetery seemed to replace a visit to the temple. And now, when churches are open, therefore this Soviet-era tradition cannot be justified, it is necessary to restore the church tradition: to be in church on Easter Day and celebrate the joyful holiday, and to go to the cemetery on Radonitsa.

It must be remembered that the tradition of leaving food easter eggs on the graves is paganism, which was revived in the Soviet Union when the state persecuted the right-wing faith. When faith is persecuted, severe superstitions arise. The souls of our departed loved ones need prayer. From a church point of view, the ritual when they place vodka and black bread on the grave, and next to it a photograph of the deceased, is unacceptable: this, speaking modern language– a remake, because, for example, photography appeared a little over a hundred years ago: this means that this tradition is new.

As for commemorating the dead with alcohol: any kind of drunkenness is unacceptable. IN holy scripture the use of wine is permitted: “Wine makes glad the heart of a man” (Psalm 103:15), but warns against excess: “Do not get drunk with wine, for there is fornication in it” (Eph. 5:18). You can drink, but you can't get drunk. The deceased need our fervent prayer, our pure heart and sober mind, alms given for them, but not vodka.

How the dead are remembered on Easter

On Easter, many people visit the cemetery where the graves of their loved ones are located.

Unfortunately, in some families there is a blasphemous custom of accompanying these visits to the graves of their relatives with wild drunken revelry. But even those who do not celebrate pagan drunken funeral feasts at the graves of their loved ones, so offensive to every Christian feeling, often do not know when Easter days it is possible and necessary to remember the dead. The first commemoration of the dead takes place on the second week, after St. Thomas Sunday, on Tuesday.

The basis for this commemoration is, on the one hand, the remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell, connected with the Resurrection of St. Thomas, and, on the other, the permission of the Church Charter to carry out the usual commemoration of the dead, starting with St. Thomas Monday. According to this permission, believers come to the graves of their loved ones with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ, hence the day of remembrance itself is called Radonitsa.

How to properly remember the dead

Prayer for the departed is the greatest and most important thing we can do for those who have passed on to another world.

By and large, the deceased does not need either a coffin or a monument - all this is a tribute to traditions, albeit pious ones. But the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for our constant prayer, because it itself cannot do good deeds with which it would be able to appease God. That's why home prayer for loved ones, prayer in the cemetery at the grave of the deceased is the duty of every Orthodox Christian. But commemoration in the Church provides special help to the deceased.

Before visiting the cemetery, you should come to the church at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the names of your deceased relatives for commemoration at the altar (it is best if this is a commemoration at the proskomedia, when a piece is taken out of a special prosphora for the deceased, and then as a sign of washing away his sins will be lowered into the Chalice with the Holy Gifts). After the Liturgy, a memorial service must be celebrated. The prayer will be more effective if the one commemorating on this day himself partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ. It is very useful to donate to the church, give alms to the poor with a request to pray for the departed.

How to behave in a cemetery

Arriving at the cemetery, you need to light a candle, perform a lithium (this word literally means intense prayer. To perform the rite of lithium when remembering the dead, you need to invite a priest. Then clean the grave or just be silent, remember the deceased. There is no need to eat or drink in the cemetery, especially It is unacceptable to pour vodka into the grave mound - this insults the memory of the dead. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread on the grave “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families. There is no need to leave food on the grave; it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

When can you go to the cemetery:

*on the day of the funeral;

*on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death;

*every year on the day of a person’s death;

*V memorial days– Monday and Tuesday of the week following Easter;

*Meat Saturday, the week preceding Lent;

*2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Lent;

*Trinity Saturday - the day before the feast of the Holy Trinity;

*Dmitrov Saturday is the first Saturday in November.

When not to go to the cemetery:

*Orthodoxy does not encourage visiting the graves of relatives on such Christian holidays, like Easter, Annunciation and Christmas;

*Trinity is also not celebrated in the cemetery. On Trinity they go to church;

*it is believed that there is no need to go to the churchyard after sunset;

*women are not advised to visit the place of the dead during pregnancy or menstruation. But this is a personal choice of each representative of the fair sex.

Some sources report that it would be wrong to go to his tomb on the birthday of the deceased. You can just remember him kind words, among the family and loved ones of the deceased.

Upon arrival at the grave positive action will light a candle to remember the deceased. You should not drink or eat near the gravestone. Host a memorial dinner at home.

Do not step on or jump over graves. There is no need to touch other people's graves or restore order there, unless the relatives of the person buried there have asked you to do so.

In the case when you dropped something on the dead ground, it is better not to pick up this thing. If the fallen object is very important to you, when picking it up, put something in its place (sweets, cookies, flowers).

When leaving the cemetery, do not turn around, much less do not return. When you come home, wash your hands thoroughly (or better yet, do this at the cemetery), be sure to wash off the cemetery soil from your shoes, and wash the tools you used to clean the grave.

Unpleasant situations happen very often in the life of every person. It is especially difficult to endure them when it comes to death, because it is not so easy to understand that you will no longer see a loved one. After the death of a person, it is necessary to preserve his memory, come to the grave on the specified days and take care of it. But is it possible to go to the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased, and most importantly, how to behave correctly on this day? Regarding this issue, during specific periods, opinions emerged and they were different.

Visiting a cemetery on the birthday of the deceased

In ancient times large number The masses of the population believed that there was no need to remember the deceased on the day he was born, and, accordingly, there was no need to go to the cemetery. This was explained by the fact that a person who has passed on to the afterlife has nothing in common with his earthly date birth, because on this day he came to earth, and now nothing connects him with it. Some peoples considered it their right to celebrate this significant day with the deceased, and if the body was kept in the form of ashes, they went to the cemetery, took it to their home, held a holiday, and after this day returned it again dead relative to a place of eternal rest. A number of people believed that on the birthday of the deceased it is necessary to bring him gifts directly to the grave to show that everyone remembers and loves him this person. There is also an idea that you should not go to the cemetery of a deceased person on the day he was born in winter. This is not due to the memorable date itself, but to the fact that visiting a cemetery in the cold season was considered a terrible act in ancient world. This ban was associated with the fact that winter is a time of complete peace of nature, as well as the souls of those who have passed on to another world, and their peace cannot be disturbed in any way.

Is it possible to visit a cemetery on the birthday of the deceased? IN modern world Almost every second person asks this question. Its emergence is connected with the traditions of ancestors that have developed over centuries, but very often the teachings of the Christian world are broken on the rock, and the religious affiliation of a person is not important.

Birthday of a deceased person in a cemetery - the opinion of the church

The Church loudly insists that it is possible and even to some extent necessary to celebrate the birthday of a deceased person in a cemetery. It is especially good to combine such a visit with a funeral service and the distribution of alms. Of course, here it is not supposed to organize gatherings or drink alcohol after visiting a relative, because church ministers claim that in this way you can only bring harm to the relative’s soul and even more suffering, and devalue the service held in his memory. You can bring flowers and a candle to the coffin, but nothing more. The main thing on this day is to go to the deceased at the coffin with prayer and good intentions. Some priests are of the opinion that a person who goes to the coffin of the deceased on such a day should not cry, because if this happens the soul cannot find peace. Regarding grave visits in certain time days or depending on the weather, the clergy here are unanimous - the main desire is to visit a person’s grave and remember him with a kind word, and other factors are not important.

A visit to the grave on the birthday of the deceased - a modern view

Modern people, in most cases, are not prone to superstitions and even in some cases go too far with the desire to drink vodka at the grave and thus celebrate the day on which their loved one was born. But it's pretty rare cases and the birthday of a deceased person in a cemetery does not take place in this way. A person of the 21st century, who is a practicing Christian, hires a funeral service in the temple, goes together with the priest to the coffin, where a general prayer rule. Then the relatives remain at the coffin, very often wanting to express to a loved one show all your troubles emotional state. They return home with bright thoughts, treat relatives and neighbors with sweets, with the goal that someone else will remember the deceased and support his soul with prayer in the afterlife.

Visiting a cemetery on the birthday of the deceased has already become a good tradition that everyone is accustomed to following, and only some superstitious people follow such restrictions as the ban on visiting in winter, after twelve o'clock in the afternoon, empty-handed. But such a practice should not be something scary or an action that is forced. Each person must decide for himself whether he needs this, and then take any specific actions. It doesn’t matter whether you manage to visit the burial place of a relative, friend, parents, children or not - the main thing is that only good and positive memories remain about them. The practice of visiting a cemetery is an opportunity to pay tribute to the deceased, and if you have the opportunity, desire, or strength, it should not be neglected.

Each nation and individual person has their own idea of ​​this day. Some celebrate, others forget, some pray, some drink and travel, but they remember in any case. If you ask again whether it is possible to go to the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased, the answer of the majority will be unequivocal and confident - of course you can. The main thing is to believe that death is a rebirth that brings new life, something bright and good, and then even such a process as visiting a burial place loved one will not carry a note of sadness. Everything that is not done must be done sincerely and with love, because it is in such an emotional field that a person is protected from everything bad and, despite the prohibitions and superstitions, he always remains confident that everything will be fine.

A visit to a cemetery to a person who was born on the day of such a visit is quite normal phenomenon. Whether to do this or not, everyone decides individually based on their beliefs and religious affiliation. Hence the conclusion - let everyone do as he is comfortable and as he is used to, because no one can know the inner state of a person.