Angina

A narcissist in the modern world. Relationships with the narcissist type of man

You have a better chance of finding a narcissist in the office famous company than on the street, a new study suggests. That's because the personality traits that make narcissists difficult to deal with for most people (including the constant need to test others, the willingness to control people, the ruthlessness of demanding their own needs be met) make them extremely effective at climbing the career ladder.

Do you consider yourself or someone around you to be a narcissist? Here general signs narcissism that will allow you to test it.

You are a bad athlete

Some narcissists turn out to be bullies, and one of their most difficult character traits is their tendency to misperceive both failures and victories.

For example, when they lose in sports competition, they may try to humiliate the referee. When they win, they may gloat excessively or insult the losing party.

You constantly feel underappreciated

People who can be called “grand” narcissists are always resentful of the world. They tend to feel entitled to something better and think they don't get the recognition they deserve from others.

You may be an introvert, suffer from hypersensitivity or anxiety

Psychologists talk about “the two faces of narcissism.” On the one hand, there is the hyper-aggressive, super-loud type. But there is also a milder form of narcissism. This is “secret narcissism”, which is indicated by introversion, hypersensitivity, defensiveness and anxiety.

Both shades of narcissism have a common basis - arrogance, arrogance and a tendency to pay attention only to one's own needs and not to take others into account.

Many narcissists are know-it-alls and find it very difficult to argue with colleagues and friends because they refuse to believe that they could be wrong about anything.

Such narcissists have a strong sense of superiority over others and take only their own opinions into account when making decisions.

Do you really like to argue with people?

People who are prone to narcissism are more prone to discussions and arguments than others. They also tend to use more explicit language.

You're smug

Narcissists often believe that their views are inherently superior to those of other people. But what really matters is the attention they receive in response to expressing these views.

For example, a narcissistic person may believe that he has a closer connection with God, but it is more important to him when other people recognize this connection and admire his deep spirituality.

You feel entitled to be vindictive

Narcissistic people usually know that vindictive or antisocial behavior is not acceptable. But they feel entitled to act this way because they constantly feel that they have been wronged. What's more, they often get offended for no particular reason, which means they constantly hear other people say, "That's not what I meant!"

You get pleasure from telling others what to do.

Narcissists tend to use their leadership position to dominate others and force them to comply with their own demands.

You hate your own emotions

The very act of showing emotion in the presence of another person suggests that you may be emotionally moved by friends, family, partners, random tragedy or misfortune. This is why narcissists try to avoid any emotional expression.

The presence of emotions challenges the narcissist's perfect autonomy.

As a result, the narcissist will usually try to change the topic of conversation if it involves feelings - especially his own.

You are probably a young man

After conducting interviews with 34,653 people, psychologist Frederick Stinson found that men tend to be more narcissistic than women. Narcissism is believed to reach its peak in adolescence and decreases with age.

You are considered attractive and dress better than others

Narcissists tend to be rated by others as more stylish and physically attractive, according to a study conducted by psychologists at the University of Washington.

Instead of listening, you wait to talk.

Narcissism in communication usually manifests itself in the fact that a person tries to talk only about himself, gesticulates, talks loudly, brags and shows disinterest when others are talking.

You are extremely romantic

Narcissistic people tend to fall in love quickly and easily, often with people they barely know. They think their partner is absolutely perfect (in addition to their own perfection) until they have to face reality. When narcissists realize that their partner is flawed, they end the relationship.

You are cheating in relationships

Narcissists most often deceive their partners when they themselves think that they are committed to them.

Partners dump you after dating for four months

The four month mark is the visible peak of satisfaction in any relationship. As a rule, this is how long it takes for the partner of a narcissistic person to see him in his true light.

You put some people on a pedestal

The logic of a narcissist is as follows: “If I find ideal person and I will become closer to him, perhaps his perfection will affect me, and those around me will perceive me the same way.”

In their search for such perfection, narcissists admire people they perceive as perfect - be it a colleague or a partner - and then become very disappointed when that person turns out to be less than perfect as they imagined, because to the narcissist, everything has to be perfect.

You enjoy humiliating other people

Narcissistic people deliberately put others down in order to maintain a positive image of themselves. Ultimately, this becomes increasingly difficult to achieve because others do not always readily applaud them. This means that narcissists should always be looking for new acquaintances from whom they will receive their next dose of admiration. This also explains why narcissists usually only maintain weak relationships.

Your parents ignored and adored you at the same time

According to Sigmund Freud, the combination of parental rejection and excessive admiration is more closely associated with narcissism in adulthood than if they only pursued one tactic. Parents' inconsistency in their attitude towards children will ultimately lead to " deep thirst admiration." A narcissist spends his life seeking fleeting approvals that boost his ego.

Narcissistic men and women choose their friends differently. Women choose male friends with high social status, next to which they could feel self-esteem. Men choose friends who can be wingmen.

You have to control everything

Just as narcissistic people hate talking about their feelings, they also cannot afford to be at the mercy of other people's preferences. It reminds them that they are not invulnerable or completely independent.

That's why they want to control everything. In case romantic relationships the narcissist tries to control a partner who has different views, tries to change his plans. This allows the narcissist to undermine other people's ability to make choices. By doing this, the narcissist maintains his sense of complete autonomy, which he so desperately needs.

Are you willing to tolerate other people's narcissistic traits?

Turns out, best friends tend to show similar levels narcissism. The greatest similarities were found between male friends who are extremely narcissistic.

One of many possible reasons This phenomenon is that narcissists are less put off by other people's narcissism because they only pay attention to themselves.

Narcissism is a mental disorder that is expressed in a person’s inflated self-esteem, complacency and narcissism. Such pathological love for one’s own personality is expressed in close attention to one’s own person, while a person cannot control his ambitions, strives for wealth and external attractiveness, and infantilism is manifested in manners and actions.

A little history

The term "narcissism" comes from the name of the ancient Greek mythological hero Narcissus. The young man was incredibly handsome: the narcissistic hero rejected the love of the nymph Echo, for which he was punished. Ancient Greek gods Narcissus was sentenced to lifelong admiration of his face through the reflection on the surface of the water.

According to Sigmund Freud, narcissism is a manifestation of specific intimate behavior. Many children on early stages life show a narcissistic feeling, admire themselves. Moreover, if the child’s personality develops harmoniously and correctly, and the parents participate in the full upbringing of the child, such narcissism does not cause any harm and disappears on its own as they grow older. In the process of creating the method of psychoanalysis, Freud finally introduced the concept of narcissism into psychiatric practice.

Narcissistic personality disorder and its causes

This mental disorder may have various reasons. When studying the brains of patients, scientists discovered thickening of the cortex and altered structure of some nerve cells. Deviations affect the part of the brain that is responsible for feelings of compassion.

According to experts, the feeling of empathy depends on concentration gray matter: in narcissists, its amount is significantly less than in healthy people.

Narcissism is a mental illness that occurs for the following reasons:

Low self-esteem in childhood. At the same time, such behavioral features can be laid down by a person’s parents or environment; constant reproaches and reproaches provoke the emergence of defense mechanisms.
Absence parental restrictions V childhood, excessive praise and idealization of the child’s personality by parents.
Permissiveness, in which the child does not understand what he can do and what he is prohibited from doing.

Please note that individual traits of narcissism often appear during puberty, but this does not mean that such a phenomenon will develop into a mental disorder.

Some theorists believe that narcissism is a pathology that is also hereditary. The presence of one or another idol in a teenager also plays an important role. In some cases, this phenomenon is associated with a more serious mental illness(for example, with schizophrenia), in this case the patient completely loses touch with reality, considers himself a messenger of a deity or another idol.

Signs of Narcissism

Below are the symptoms of this disease, based on which the psychiatrist makes a diagnosis.

Exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Constantly arising fantasies of stunning success and fame, incredible wealth.
Confidence in one's own uniqueness, the desire to communicate only with people of high social status.
Demanding admiration and reverence from other people.
Arrogance and ambition (some narcissists make mean and cynical jokes about other people).
Lack of empathy and compassion.
Negative attitude towards criticism.
Inflated self-esteem is only a mask for other people; deep down, such patients are weak individuals with many psychological complexes.
Careful disguise of one's own shortcomings.
Using other people for one's own benefit.

All people who suffer from this disease try to protect themselves from envious feelings towards others, so they are often not interested in their personal life and professional activity your friends and acquaintances. A sick person often expresses uncertainty in his opinion: at first he perceives this or that person as an idol or idol, and then expresses contempt for it and considers this or that person unreasonable.

Narcissists are people addicted to praise; very often they do not react in any way, do not respond with gratitude when hearing compliments. In most cases, patients do not show interest in generally accepted values (moral or aesthetic).

Narcissism in women and men: features and main differences

The psychology of narcissism in men is profound, and the reasons lie in childhood upbringing. Moreover, this disease most often occurs among representatives of the stronger sex. Male patients try with all their might to achieve their own importance in the eyes of society. They achieve career growth and a high financial position by all means. When the desired goal is achieved, the patient's joy from what he receives lasts only a few minutes, after which their needs increase again and they begin to desire more.

Before reaching mature age growing goals and needs do not cause concern to the patient; he gradually implements certain tasks and sees no reason to worry. However, subsequently the narcissist begins to realize that he has never achieved happiness. Men with this diagnosis are not able to build full-fledged relationships with people, they destroy families, while the children of the narcissist also begin to suffer from negative influence father.

As for female narcissism, it is expressed in the inability to understand her child, the inability to enjoy simple things and, as a result, dissatisfaction own life. Patients force their children to study day and night, to receive only excellent grades, and conflicts often occur against the backdrop of the fact that the child did not live up to his mother’s expectations.

Personal intergender relationships also suffer from female narcissism: patients choose exclusively caring and attentive men as partners, but they themselves do not respect them, because they consider them weak-willed and not worth anything. capable people. If both people in a couple have signs of narcissism, a relentless struggle of characters begins: these people will compete with each other in absolutely everything, and such a tense relationship is unlikely to last long.

Diagnostic features

This pathology can be determined during a personal conversation with the patient. The conversation format in the form of an interview is best suited for these purposes. Based on the survey results, scores are given, on the basis of which the psychiatrist determines whether the patient has serious disorder personality or a borderline state, which is expressed in inflated self-esteem.

Among the questions are the following:

Why do you think you deserve close attention and special treatment towards your person?
In your opinion, who might deserve your attention, and why exactly?
What kind of people are you willing to sacrifice your free time for?
Is it important for you to spend time exclusively with influential people with high social status?

It is important to distinguish narcissism from ordinary inflated self-esteem, as well as from symptoms of other diseases (for example, schizophrenia).

Why is narcissism dangerous? If correction of an individual’s behavior is not started in a timely manner, the mental disorder may progress. As a result, the patient will be unable to maintain social connections and engage in professional activities, gradually moving away from public life, which leads to the development of other mental disorders. IN in some cases aggression and psychosis appear, the patient ceases to control his behavior. Treatment in such situations is possible only in a hospital.

Testing for the presence of the disease

IN modern psychiatry There are several effective techniques aimed at identifying narcissism. One of these methods includes a special questionnaire, which includes 163 questions of various nature. When studying the answers to them, the specialist studies the so-called Lickert scale.

The patient must express the degree of his approval or the degree of disagreement with this or that statement. As a result, the psychiatrist calculates the narcissism coefficient. It is worth noting that this technique also has contraindications: for example, it cannot and is not advisable to use it during periods of severe depression or acute psychosis.

How to treat narcissism?

Treatment for this mental disorder ineffective at home. If signs of such a disease appear, you should contact a psychotherapist who will necessary diagnostics and will appoint effective therapy, allowing to normalize self-esteem.

At the same time, doctors are not recommended to show weakness in the presence of the patient, since he can take advantage of the specialist’s uncertainty and influence the course of therapy, as well as pressure on the medical staff. At the same time, the psychiatrist must treat the patient with respect, so that the patient cannot constantly demonstrate a sense of self-importance.

Treatment of narcissism in men and women includes individual psychotherapeutic techniques. During psychotherapy, the specialist must refrain from excessively criticizing the patient, otherwise his self-esteem will be further damaged. You should not show feelings of pity and sympathy: such a person may simply not understand the doctor’s compassion.

It is worth noting that not all patients are aware of their problem, so the specialist needs to act very carefully and first identify exactly what signs this disease has (it is best to do this using the example of other narcissistic people).

Group psychotherapy is also of no small importance, during which the patient develops a healthy and adequate individuality (and not pathological narcissism): regular group conversations with the right bias will allow the patient to get rid of inflated self-esteem, begin to correctly understand other people and consider them full-fledged individuals.

In some cases, therapy also includes medication. The patient may be prescribed psychotropic drugs to eliminate increased excitability and anxiety (if such symptoms are present). If the patient has depressive states associated with deep psychological complexes, a course of antidepressants is prescribed. All these drugs are prescribed only by the attending physician. If treatment takes place in inpatient conditions, there must be control medical personnel for taking medications. Medicines are prescribed in strictly defined dosages because they have many side effects.

Only in severe cases therapy is carried out in a hospital setting. As his health improves, the patient can undergo treatment on an outpatient basis, that is, at home with regular visits to a specialist for psychotherapy sessions. The exact duration of such sessions and their number are determined individually, depending on the specifics of the mental disorder. Often it is not possible to completely get rid of manifestations of narcissism and inflated self-esteem, but with the help complex therapy judgments can be adjusted and personal characteristics the patient, help him begin to fully communicate with other people, establish family and friendly connections with a minimum of conflict situations.

Preventive measures

What should you do to ensure that your child grows up to be a full-fledged person with adequate self-esteem? The following preventive measures will prevent the development of narcissism:

During puberty, children are especially vulnerable, prone to excessive shyness and psychological complexes. In order for the growing personality to fully develop, it is important to maintain in the child a sense of self-esteem and independence from the opinions of others.
Children often cry to express their dissatisfaction with something. Let your child do this, because this is how he will understand that not all needs can be satisfied immediately. It is important to firmly refuse a child if he makes increased demands and is capricious (of course, this does not apply to natural needs).
It is better to confess your love to your child more often, without focusing on his beauty. Otherwise, the individual will develop an unpleasant feeling of vanity.
Praising a child for truly worthy things is normal phenomenon. However, too frequent and exaggerated praise is guaranteed to lead to further narcissism.
Don't brag about positive qualities and the actions of a son or daughter in his presence, it is better to do this when he does not hear.
You should not practice the good and evil parent method. Such an imbalance will disrupt the child's value system, causing him to not differentiate between positive and negative actions.
The child must understand that he will have to live in society, but society should not live for him.

Thus, narcissism is a personality disorder that is expressed in excessively inflated ambitions, a tendency to narcissism and a lack of feelings of compassion. In most cases, this disease develops in childhood and adolescence, as a result of which an adult remains infantile and unable to maintain normal social connections. Treatment of such a mental disorder is carried out under the supervision of professional psychotherapists, treatment is provided both in inpatient and outpatient settings.

Ideally, you should not be in a relationship with a man who has narcissistic personality disorder. It is better to look for a more flexible and loyal partner. But if there is true love between you and its development is hampered by a specific character, then you will have to carry out a serious psychological work with your chosen one. Think about whether you really need this narcissist who is in love only with himself. Let us immediately note that the behavior of such a person is not easy to change, but if you wish, you can adapt to it.

What is a narcissist?

Almost everyone is attentive to their own person, but the narcissist has an excessive focus on his own personality. The formation of narcissistic behavior is based on the influence social environment and relatives. Genes can have an effect, but only slightly. A narcissist can have a negative influence on others. Often such a man gives the impression of being ambitious. He is physically attractive. He has a lack of self-confidence.

Problems often arise in personal life. The narcissist tries to lower his partner's self-esteem. He tries to masterfully control her behavior. Usually he manages to assert himself only in a family environment. And against the backdrop of strong opponents, he loses. A woman who lives with a narcissist adores his appearance, but interacting with him inexplicably causes mental exhaustion and physical weakness.

If you are constantly tormented by feelings of guilt, then it is likely that you have fallen under the influence of a narcissistic manipulator. The narcissist loves himself and always puts his person above. He is incapable of empathy. The behavior is pretentious and proud. He tries to show himself off best sides. Does not tolerate any criticism.

All this can be present in doses and in ordinary person with normal self-esteem, but in our case, narcissism is exacerbated and brings discomfort to loved ones, so living with a narcissist is difficult.

narcissist - an indifferent and self-centered man

Types of Narcissistic Men

Not all men with narcissistic personality disorder are the same. In psychological and medical literature There is no division into types, but for convenience and a better understanding of the problem, 4 types of behavior can be distinguished:

hypersensitive narcissist - insecure, tries not to show himself anywhere so as not to look stupid, easily vulnerable, painfully in love with himself, but afraid of everything;
an amorous narcissist - asserts himself more by attracting the attention of women, constantly and richly lies, loves to dramatize life situations;
inverted narcissist - one of the subtypes of narcissist who does not want recognition from society, he prefers to remain in the shadow of some very bright character;
an unprincipled narcissist is a narcissistic sociopath, often violates generally accepted moral boundaries, prefers to manipulate other people, and strives for dominance.

Causes of narcissism in men

As we know, narcissistic personality disorder is not something that a person is born with, but something that develops gradually under the influence of various factors. Most mental defects have roots going back to childhood. The following circumstances play a significant role.

Talent and overprotection in childhood

A child who exhibits genius in childhood runs the risk of growing up to be a narcissist. If this factor combined with overprotection or other incorrect actions of parents, then it is detrimental to the individual. Some mothers and fathers, having noticed amazing abilities in a child, do not allow the talent to develop correctly and they develop a false genius.

Parental attention deficit

Excessive care is harmful, but lack of attention is also destructive. The development of narcissistic behavior is influenced by lack of parental attention. The individual suffers greatly from this. To compensate for the lack of communication with parents, the child plunges into himself. Defense mechanism psyche on a subconscious level saves the baby from worries against the background of the indifference of a loved one by elevating his own “I” to a cult. Idealizing himself, the child never ceases to highly value his parents despite their coldness.

Too much praise

It is possible and necessary to praise children - to prevent an inferiority complex and all the problems arising from this circumstance. But this is done wisely. If you pamper a child, admire him, constantly shower him with compliments, extol him and clearly exaggerate his merits, then this can cause selfishness. A growing personality will fall in love with himself and begin to infringe on the interests of his loved ones. Many men were over-praised by their mothers and grandmothers in childhood, so they now suffer from narcissism.

Systematic luck

If there are too many successful moments in life for any reason, then a normal man can turn into a narcissist. Perhaps this is a purposeful and persistent person or just a random series of gifts of fortune. This situation sometimes gives a man the impression that he is the center of the world.

Rebellious character

Occasionally there are rebel narcissists who are ready to confront the whole world. Such people are characterized by cynicism in character. To hide from reality, they begin to overly concentrate on their inner world.

Having an idol

Teenagers tend to create idols for themselves. This situation has deep meaning. In some cases, a person tends to identify himself with his idol. It turns out that a person ascribes to himself the quality of his object of adoration. If a child or an adult man finds at least something in common with his idol, he can conclude that he himself is unique. The realization that a person is superior to many leads to the development of narcissism.

Inharmonious upbringing

Interestingly, people who received uneven parental attention in childhood are more likely to grow up to be narcissists. That is, mom and dad alternated their moods in raising and communicating with the child. The child saw either complete cold indifference, or excessive universal recognition and admiration for him. Scientists think so.

narcissist - aggressive and arrogant

Signs of Narcissism

People prone to endless narcissism have a number of common character traits. They are aggressive, self-centered, arrogant, indifferent to other people's problems and have a cold soul.

The narcissist is indifferent

Narcissistic men have cold soul. Sometimes you don’t even care about deviations from the planned course of events. A narcissist will definitely prove himself in a relationship. Inverted narcissists have increased resentment. The hidden persona is a shadow admirer of the proud and expressive leader. But open egoists are easier to recognize; they willingly and demonstratively ignore everything around them. Vivid manifestation last case is absolute insensitivity, since an obvious egocentrist is not touched even by an object trying to disturb his peace of mind.

The narcissist is self-centered

Narcissistic people believe that others owe them something. This belief is perceived by a person as an unshakable fact. They will not even explain the essence and reasons for this circumstance, since they will not stoop to making excuses before the gray masses ordinary people. The narcissist explains little, since those around him, in his opinion, should themselves guess why they did not please such an ideal creation.

The narcissist is arrogant

In fact, all people in the world are equal, there are no better or worse. Some people do not agree with this; they carry their own exclusivity and godlikeness through all their affairs and contacts. The narcissist seriously thinks that he is the center of the Universe and lives by special internal rules, distinguishing himself. This is the quality in mild form can be called snobbery.

The narcissist is aggressive

A man with narcissistic behavior is well aware of his rights. He shows his self-centered character in that he will admire his photos or reflection in the mirror for several hours. The narcissist cannot stand competition, and sometimes violently rejects those who devalue or do not notice all of him best qualities. There is also a passive variation of behavior when a man in love with himself is not afraid of anything, because he does not even suspect that there may be someone more perfect, smart and attractive than him in the world.

The narcissist looks right through you

When communicating with a narcissist, one may get the impression that he hears the words of the interlocutor, but does not see him. And all because he sincerely does not care what needs and difficulties his family and friends have. The basis of life for a narcissist is internal dialogue and contemplation of the loved one. All sorts of everyday circumstances only interfere with this. It is difficult to communicate with this man, since he does not notice the person until he showers him with praise.

How to behave in a relationship with a narcissist?

Be unpredictable

To remain unnoticed by a narcissist, it is enough to behave mediocrely and obey him in everything. Remember that he loves and adores himself, so he will ignore your efforts, since, most likely, you underestimate yourself. We need to bring some intrigue into your life. A woman must be more attractive and unpredictable in order to cunningly capture the narcissist's attention.

Forget about negativity

You can't criticize a narcissist, he won't tolerate it. Perhaps he listens internally to strong women, openly expressing complaints to him, but he does not need all this. Think carefully about everything you say to a man, try to smooth out the corners. You need to practice your ability to persuade people and you will be able to positively influence the behavior of a narcissist.

Have a heart to heart talk

Have a sincere and heartfelt conversation with your partner when he is in good mood. Give him what he wants, that is, mention all his best qualities, be generous with compliments. Such intimate conversations will strengthen the narcissist’s self-confidence and he will become even more significant in his own eyes, as if he will assert himself. As a result, the best emotions will be associated with you and he will be more favorable towards you.

Equalize rights

It's not easy being on equal terms with a narcissist. A woman should not take second place and be in the shadow of her brilliant partner. She is also an original and self-respecting person. This needs to be conveyed to the man. And the result will depend on how the information is presented. The narcissist will either refuse such a relationship, or continue to admire himself and leave everything as it is. It is better to set all priorities and clarify at the very beginning of the relationship.

Praise a man for his achievements

There is no need to flatter the narcissist; you should fairly highlight all his victories. Such men are often sociable and look good. Don’t be afraid to once again talk about all its advantages. Thus, you will satisfy his pride and he will find in your words confirmation that he is the center of the Universe. True, not every woman with pride and self-respect will be able to endure this - constantly grooming and cherishing a narcissist and not receiving a similar return.

Should you be in a relationship with a narcissist?

Following the above tips does not guarantee success. The narcissist may not react at all. It's worth a try though. If these actions do not give anything, then there is no need to suffer next to a narcissist who is in love only with himself. Perhaps this is not your type of man and you need an antipode - a caring and affectionate partner who gives all his attention to you.

You must understand that narcissistic character is an inherent quality of a particular personality. This trait formed perhaps from childhood. If this feature already exists, then it will not go away.

Know that you won’t be able to change a narcissistic man so easily. Even if at the beginning of the relationship, during the romantic period, there is complete confidence that it will be possible to charm the narcissist and rebuild his character to new way, you can expect any outcome of the situation.

Whether you continue to live with a narcissist or end the relationship is up to you. Few people get along with such people. But in principle, all people are different and one narcissist is not identical to another. Maybe you will be able to improve your relationship.

The main thing is that you realized the problem that in front of you is a person with a specific worldview who is very difficult to influence. If his disorder is severe and the relationship causes you great suffering, then it is better not to contact the narcissist or to do deep work on yourself. You can’t dissolve in your man and live only for him, you need to love yourself too.

If you have minor difficulties, you can try working with a psychologist. If a person is really so dear to you, then fight for him. In this case, you both will need therapy, since narcissists are often attracted to anxious and emotionally unstable neurotics with low self-esteem.

Narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder – psychological state, in which a person has inflated self-esteem. In other words, this is pathological self-love, expressed in constant narcissism and attention to one’s own person. It is difficult for such people to socialize because they do not like to communicate and be friends with them. And even the relatives of the narcissist sometimes find it difficult. How to recognize a narcissist among your friends? Is it possible to help him somehow, and is it worth doing? And how not to become a narcissist yourself?

Etymology of the term

Most people by the word “narcissus” mean a flower with snow-white petals and a yellowish center. But the same term is used to describe a narcissistic person. There is a legend that explains the origin of this word. IN Greek mythology there was a young man named Narcissus. One day a nymph named Echo fell in love with him, but the guy was too proud to accept the beauty’s pure and sincere love. Then Nemesis, the goddess of retribution, decided to punish him and doomed him to fall in love with his own reflection. And when the young man leaned towards the pond and saw himself in it, he could no longer leave this place. On the shore of the pond he died from suffering and hunger. Later, a flower grew in this place, which was called narcissus.

By the way! The receptacle of the narcissus is slightly tilted downwards, which symbolizes the head of the young man, inclined towards his reflection in the pond.

Now it is more clear who narcissists are. But today this concept is more blurred. It is understood not so much as sensual narcissism as ambitious. The man is more than confident in his superiority. And he is sincerely perplexed if he loses to someone in something. This can cause serious psychological distress, which is why people are calling for a fight against narcissism.

How to recognize a narcissist

Let us highlight the general and most common signs of narcissism, which are different times were formulated various psychologists based on observation data of similar individuals.

Excessive sense of self-importance.
Lack of response to criticism.
Direct mockery of those who, in the opinion of the narcissist himself, do not meet the parameters of perfection.
Demanding increased admiration for yourself and being sincerely surprised if this does not happen.
A passionate desire to become the very best (rich, beautiful, powerful, etc.).
Confidence in uniqueness.
Lack of compassion for others. Perhaps it is present, but it is quickly suppressed by the spontaneously arising desire to admire oneself.
Confidence in the envy of others.
A vivid demonstration of imaginary “achievements” that are actually fictions or simply platitudes (I am the tallest, I have the most beautiful mole on my cheek, etc.).
Arrogant behavior.
Violent banter with others; Insults are common (so-called negative narcissism).
Mercantile interests.
Fear or anger when others try to reproach him for something.
Disguising one's own negative traits and parties.
Focusing on the shortcomings of others, ridiculing them in one's own favor.

You need to understand that narcissists do not act out anything. If they admire themselves, it means they really enjoy it. There is no playing to the public here. Everything is done only for self-satisfaction. Therefore, being offended by narcissists is stupid and useless. They still won't understand the reason for your bewilderment. Therefore, you must either accept them or not communicate at all.

Women

It is generally accepted that it is women who love to engage in narcissism. But this is female nature: a man loves with his eyes, so girls want to look perfect, stunning. Therefore, if a woman often looks in the mirror or fixes her hair, this does not mean that she is a narcissistic person. Psychological disorder manifests itself somewhat differently.

While a girl is young, it is difficult to notice manifestations of narcissism in her behavior. She dresses well, takes care of herself and looks great. And a certain arrogance in her communication even attracts men. By the way, a narcissist woman chooses a caring and gentle partner. One who will admire her. But she may not pay attention to his character, so her man will depend on the opinions of others. She simply doesn’t need someone who is ambitious and decisive, because the main violin in family relationships she will play.

The problems for a narcissistic woman begin when the child appears. This is its beginning, its continuation and its reflection, so it must also be ideal. The son or daughter has a hard time: a narcissistic mother will constantly expect something more from the child. Often women strive to see in their children what they themselves have not achieved, so the child becomes a victim of circumstances (the so-called narcissistic expansion). At the same time, the mother herself also suffers, but she cannot help herself.

Men

Narcissism in men, on the contrary, is more noticeable at a young age. The guy is quite active, constantly spinning around him fun company, but there are no close friends among them. The young narcissist devotes a lot of time to his appearance. Modern society may even decide that it's a boy gay: he takes care of himself so zealously and carefully. Problems can also arise with girls, although relationships with a narcissist are very interesting and exciting in their own way at first. But the young narcissist will sooner or later consider that he deserves more, so every beauty and clever woman will be rejected, like the nymph Echo.

If a narcissistic man does start a family, he still continues to assert himself. Loving woman accepts her husband with all his shortcomings, but the child may suffer. A father with signs of narcissism cannot give him proper education and banal attention. A man will be constantly carried away by his ambitions. The problem is that with each successive victory, the narcissist receives less and less satisfaction. As a result, by about 35-40 years of age, he realizes that there is no longer any pleasure from self-admiration. And it’s too late to look for happiness elsewhere (family, career). Therefore, men often become patients of psychologists at the turn of their fortieth birthday.

If in pairs?

Such families are not uncommon. Two people converge on one common interest: self-love. Those. In a couple, each partner is fixated on himself, but the other person is not at all against this. Narcissistic people support each other, and a family is built on this mutual understanding. And no one has a question about how to live with a narcissist, because he himself is one.

But the children of such a couple have a hard time. They are also forced to adapt to the wishes of mom and dad, embodying what they could not achieve. Although, sometimes parents transfer their love to a small family member, but most often he also grows into a narcissist.

Sexology

There is a variety sexual deviation(deviations) when a person experiences sexual attraction to himself. Otherwise it is called autophilia or autoeroticism. And it is narcissistic behavior that sets the basis for such a disorder. At first, a person simply admires himself in the mirror or receives moral pleasure from the thought that he is ideal. Then it starts to show up in physical self-satisfaction during which, the narcissist does not fantasize, but enjoys his own beauty.

What Freud said

When talking about sex, one cannot help but mention Sigmund Freud. In his descriptions, he argued that narcissists often grow up in single mothers who gave all their love to a single man - their son. The famous psychologist believed that sooner or later a boy in love put himself in the place of his mother, impersonating himself with her. This gave rise to problems with one's own self, a topic on which Freud wrote a lot. Such a young man could easily become not only a narcissist, but also a homosexual, because feminine character traits predominated in him.

The term “narcissism” itself appeared in psychoanalysis in 1914. Although long before this, Freud introduced many other related concepts. One of them is narcissistic libido (or self-libido). This is when the energy of drives is projected from others onto oneself. Freud believed that it was difficult mental disorder requiring treatment. But he did not deny that such people could live in society.

How to build communication

Those who do not have close people with a narcissistic personality type probably snorted when they saw this question. But a narcissist is not at all bad person which should be avoided. He does not wish harm to anyone, and his behavior is due to a mental disorder. And if at work or among friends there are people with signs of narcissism, then, willy-nilly, you have to find contact with them and build communication.

Narcissists have such a trait as devaluing other people's merits. He will look for flaws and inconsistencies in you in order to feel like the very best against you. Therefore, your task is to reveal yourself completely, leaving no reason for the narcissist to doubt you. Of course, he will not stop thinking that he is unique and unsurpassed, but respect for you will still appear.

In psychology there is a technique that allows you to win over a person. In the case of a narcissist, you need to mirror his pomposity. For example, he enthusiastically tells you about nanotechnology, which you have absolutely no understanding of. The narcissist takes pleasure in the fact that he is better versed in this area of science than you are. What to do? Hit the ball by raising a topic that he does not understand. 95% out of a hundred, the narcissist will give you his crown, or at least take off his.

A narcissist is a person who also has positive character traits. He can be kind, sweet, sympathetic and simply meaningful to you. So if this close person who is dear to you, do not try to change him, but simply accept him as he is.

If you encounter a malignant narcissist who is aggressive and trying to manipulate you, then you do not have to date him common language or maintain friendship. Every person has the right to choose their social circle, so if you are completely uncomfortable with someone, there is no need to suffer. So-called destructive narcissism, when all the actions of a narcissistic person are aimed at destroying everything around, is rare. But communicating with such a narcissist is very difficult. If you have forced contact (at work, for example), then you can use ignoring. Just ignore his antics and concentrate on business.

I'm a narcissist. What to do

Narcissists rarely try to understand themselves. They simply do not understand and do not experience any uncomfortable symptoms. It seems to them that their behavior is normal and quite adequate. But if a person suffers from deficit narcissism, he may feel strongly dependent on the opinions of others. This is a special type of mental disorder when the narcissist is not satisfied with admiration from himself. He needs others to admire him too. And if this does not happen, problems begin.

A person who experiences deficit narcissism syndrome is recommended to consult an experienced practicing psychologist. Yesterday's university graduate will not help him. What you need is a professional who has been working for many years. You can visit a psychologist either alone or with your loved one.

Very often, narcissism is talked about as an extremely aggressive disorder in men. Actually this is not true. Women can also be narcissists, although it may look a little different. Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada portrayed a narcissistic boss woman perfectly.

Appearance. Narcissists consider themselves attractive and are usually well-groomed to attract attention. While narcissistic men combine their attractiveness with charm to achieve a goal, narcissistic women use it to gain dominance. Many narcissistic women are obsessed with their appearance, which sometimes leads to numerous plastic surgeries.

Seduction. Both male and female narcissists tend to excel at the art of seduction, but they seduce in different ways. Men use their charm, and women use their bodies, which is easy to notice by the provocative outfit.

Read more about what love is for a narcissist: Love of a narcissist (editor's note)

Self-confidence. Narcissists hide their deep-seated insecurities under the belief that they are special. Narcissistic women tend to strengthen their position by comparing their merits to those of others. They feel good when others are below their own standards of excellence.

Money. Narcissists have a strong love for money because they believe that money gives them power, control, success, status and dominance over others. Narcissistic men are preoccupied with getting money at any cost, even to the point of committing crimes and robbing their own loved ones. Narcissistic women like to spend a lot, regardless of how much they earn. Both of them have no regrets about their actions.

Loyalty. If a narcissist cannot get the attention he believes he deserves, he will seek it outside of the established relationship. Narcissistic men often turn out to be serial movers to the left. For women, the “black widow” strategy is more typical, which idealizes her partner in order to first attract and then deprive her of strength. The more a spouse or partner gives, the more a narcissist woman wants, she becomes insatiable.

Children. Daffodils love raising baby daffodils. Often they choose their favorite child and focus all their efforts and attention on him. The remaining children feel abandoned and unworthy. Narcissistic men may view children as a nuisance, often complaining that they, and not the children, should receive all the attention from their spouse or partner. Narcissistic women view children as extensions of themselves, even when the child is an adult. Everything he achieves in life will be proof of the perfection of the narcissist parent.

Competitiveness. Nothing fuels a narcissist's sense of superiority more than the opportunity to compete. Any opportunity to surpass others at work and at home is important to them. Competitiveness is often welcomed at work, but in the family it can only get in the way. Narcissistic men view others as competition. This can be seen in the relationship between brothers and between parent and child. Narcissistic women also fight with their loved ones for dominance.