How to get rid of insecurity, inferiority complex, victim complex. Psychological defense: distortion of reality or preservation of one’s “I”

Today we will talk about such a phenomenon of the human psyche as psychological defense.

What is psychological protection?

This is a system of mechanisms that protect us from negative experiences, mental pain, anxiety and many other negative factors that threaten the integrity of the individual. If it were not for psychological defenses, we would constantly be under severe stress, cry or scream for any reason, throw ourselves at others, commit impulsive acts, etc. - in a word, they would see life in black.

For the first time, the Austrian psychologist, psychiatrist and founder of psychoanalysis, S. Freud, began to study psychological defenses. He interpreted the work of the defense system as a way of resolving the confrontation between unconscious drives and social norms (demands, prohibitions, etc.).

Psychological defense mechanisms are universal: they are inherent in us by nature and represent patterns of behavior or response to a traumatic situation.

Psychological protection does not change reality, events, characters of people, in addition, it distorts the perception of reality. In this regard, many problems remain unresolved. What to do? Psychologists advise: to make fear go away, look into its eyes. Let's sort it out in order.

Three lines of psychological defenses

There are three lines of psychological defense:

• conscious stereotypes (help us exist in society);
• archetypal defenses (protect society, group, collective through the individual);
• unconscious defenses (protect our psyche from wear and tear).

At the same time, these lines form a holistic system that maintains our spiritual balance and helps cope with stress. Let's look at each of the lines in more detail.

Perceived stereotypes

These stereotypes are formed in our minds from early childhood, when we learn social norms and rules. At first, these are the norms of your family: wash your hands before eating; eat with utensils rather than with your hands; draw in an album, not on a table. After some time, the child learns the norms of other communities: how to behave on the street, at a party, in kindergarten, at school, etc. All this allows us to avoid ostracism, and as a result the society in which we exist accepts us. Thanks to the principles laid down in childhood, we save time on thinking and taking actions, and also increase the likelihood of a favorable resolution of the situation.

For example, we initially learn to respect subordination, speak respectfully with elders, show signs of attention towards them, take their opinions into account, etc. We also understand the boundaries of what is permitted (for example, we learn that in a store you cannot behave at home, etc.).

Archetypal protections

This is a series of behavioral models that help to overcome difficulties and not get confused in extreme situations that arise in the life of a group, community, colleagues, friends, loved ones, etc. It is believed that these protections have been formed over thousands of years, and since the person has remained an element of the community, the protections continue to function. They do not always manifest themselves in our behavior, but only in cases when society is in danger. A person may not even know about the resources of his psyche and the capabilities of his body, and in a stressful situation, in order to save his relatives, he may perform heroic deeds that he would not dare to do in life. ordinary life. Disaster medicine knows cases where children, caught in extreme situation without hesitation, they helped those who were weaker (for example, boys helped pull girls out, gave them their clothes; girls calmed adults who could not pull themselves together). They performed such actions automatically, on a subconscious level: “If your neighbor is feeling bad, you need to help him.”

You can observe subconscious behavior patterns in yourself. For example, your friend had a fight with his parents, and you automatically begin to help him - listen, console, give advice. Many are willing to make self-sacrifice for the well-being of others. And it’s all about the subconscious, which dictates to us a program for protecting a small or large society.

Unconscious defenses

Everyone hears what they want to hear.

The essence of unconscious defense is that our psyche, without distortion, perceives only information that cannot traumatize it. If any fact, event, actions or words of a person threaten our peace of mind, cause anxiety or tension, unconscious defense immediately turns on. As a result, we do not perceive incoming information at all or perceive it in a distorted form. For example, some wives defend their husbands: “He’s not an alcoholic, he just has a stressful job.” Or a sick person says: “I feel better today, I won’t go to the doctor. I’m not sick, why are you all bothering me?” This is how the denial mechanism works: “You are all wrong, everything is fine with me/we!” As a result, a person artificially restores his mental balance, protects himself from fears, and reduces internal tension. Unfortunately, this trick of consciousness helps only for a while. An alcoholic remains an alcoholic, and a sick person does not recover. After some time, mental balance needs to be restored.

Let's consider the forms of unconscious defenses.

■ Escape. In the Paleolithic era, in case of a threat to life, a person defended himself or fled. Today escape has been modified and taken on unconscious forms. For example, if a person has not been able to build trusting relationships with people since childhood, he increasingly withdraws into himself and, as a result, becomes an introvert. Or if a person is not confident in the favorable outcome of any complex matter, he will, under any pretext, refuse to go to organizations, call people or generally make any efforts.

Basic and painful consequence escape is the inability to communicate constructively, ask for help, make suggestions or make comments if something does not satisfy. For example, fear of offending, fear of putting oneself in an unfavorable light lead to vague wording or replacement of requests. As a result, the person does not resolve his issue, wastes time and experiences personal discomfort because “nothing worked out again.”

For example, an employee returns from vacation and sees a mountain of other people’s papers on her desk. She is ashamed to ask the culprit to clean up after himself, so she does it herself. As a result, the problem is not solved, and the situation repeats itself after each vacation.

Sometimes escape manifests itself in the form of withdrawal into a specific activity (not to be confused with a hobby). In a situation of escape, a person is so carried away by his favorite activity that he directs all his mental and mental strength only to it. This activity saves him from unrequited love, from self-doubt, and helps him forget about problems and personal shortcomings. Of course, such a person can demonstrate outstanding results in his field, but he will not be able to make friends or friends, because his personality has developed disharmoniously all this time.

■ Negation characterized by selective attention: “My house is on the edge, I don’t know anything.”

Selectivity helps us ignore the things that make us anxious and increase the intensity of the conflict. Denial is often the first reaction to irreversible events - illness, death. Negation can also be seen in family relationships: It’s easier for many to turn a blind eye to a problem than to solve it. For example, a wife does not notice her husband’s alienation and, instead of talking, pretends that everything is fine. As a result, the husband leaves for someone else. Or the parents don’t notice that their son is addicted to drugs. Result: my son has a severe drug addiction. Why is this happening? People simply do not allow themselves to think that this could happen in their family.

In addition, the form of denial can take on the appearance of self-praise. For example, a child performed poorly at a competition, returns home and tells everyone about his victory, and he himself fully believes in this victory, or a lazy worker who creates the appearance of work: he litters his desk with papers (supposedly there is no time to clean), walks along the corridor with documents, stands idle in the reception area, answers the phone in an irritated voice, as if hinting: “I’m so busy, and here you are.” Moreover, he sincerely hopes that he will not be found out.

■ Rationalization. Sometimes it seems to us that it is easier to eat a toad than to admit that we are wrong. And in order not to recognize it, nature came up with a wonderful mechanism - rationalization. This mechanism helps to find explanations for one’s own unseemly behavior. Thanks to rationalization, you can isolate yourself from the “evil world” and feel like a king against the background of people who do not understand anything.

For example, a person who does not want to look for a job makes an excuse that there are no worthy offers; a child who eats all the sweets in the house believes that he is still small and can do anything; a boss who bullies his subordinates proves to himself that he is committing great mission, not allowing employees to relax.

By the way, the hero of the story “Sakhalin” A.P. Chekhov, having killed his victim, justified his behavior by saying that he was slurping loudly at the table, violating general etiquette.

■ Suppression is expressed in the fact that we may forget some feelings, facts, events and people who at one time brought us pain, suffering or simply some unpleasant emotions. For example, the name of the person who once offended us, or the opening hours of the office where we need to go to resolve an unpleasant issue. In this way the psyche defends itself, tries to save us from communicating with unpleasant people, protect from going to unpleasant places, etc.

■ Repression is also associated with a special mechanism of memory. Repression is similar to suppression, except that the event is not completely forgotten. The most traumatic part is erased from memory.

For example, a friend constantly complains to you that her mother-in-law is cruel to her. When you ask her to give examples, she can't really tell you anything. He remembers that there was a conflict, but for what reason and what served as the starting point, he doesn’t remember.

Remembering more good things than bad is a natural function of the psyche. But especially sensitive people, on the contrary, remember only the bad. This leads to oppressive state, depression, painful memories of traumatic situations: “But he told me this, but he did this. How could he?

■ Substitution is expressed in the form of satisfying an unacceptable desire in another way permitted by society. It can also occur in the form of transfer from one reaction to another. On the one hand, this transfer allows us to solve the problem, and on the other hand, to avoid social censure.

For example, one person is angry with another for something and wants to take revenge on him. Since revenge is condemned by society, a person takes revenge on his enemy with offensive jokes. If he is offended, he immediately asks for an apology, saying that he did not want to offend anyone, it was just a joke.

Therefore, if they constantly make fun of you, you should not blame yourself for being too touchy. Perhaps these people hold a grudge against you, but don't know how to say it.

In office life, hidden hostility can manifest itself in the form of hypercontrol over subordinates. For example, the boss does not like an employee who is very similar to his daughter’s negligent boyfriend. He understands that if he tries to tell someone around him about the reason for his hostility, he will be laughed at. Therefore, the boss finds an artificial reason to throw out his aggression on his subordinate - he begins to control him excessively, finds fault with him, accuses him of not doing anything, etc.

■ Projection. Let’s remember the folklore: “There’s no point in blaming the mirror if your face is crooked,” “Whoever calls you names is called that himself,” “You look at your neighbor with all your eyes, but at yourself with drooping eyelids” (Vietnamese proverb).

The truth of these expressions is undeniable: before you evaluate someone, look at yourself. It’s painful to criticize yourself – it’s easier to take it out on someone else. In psychology, this behavior is called projection. With projection, a person, seeing his own shortcomings, does not want to admit them, but notices them in others. Thus, a person projects his vices and weaknesses onto other people. Agree, how difficult it is to admit to ourselves that we envy someone, and how easy it is to see this envy in another person!

You can project feelings, thoughts and even behavior. Thus, a deceiver thinks that everyone around him is a cheater and wants to deceive him, a greedy person sees those around him as stingy, and someone in need of money will hate people with low incomes.

By the way, projection has not only negative, but also positive manifestations. For example, if it seems to you that everything around you is wonderful and wonderful, this means that you are in harmony with yourself; If you see only friends in your colleagues, this means that you are a kind and sociable person. No wonder they say: “Smile at the world, and the world will smile at you.”

■ Identification is expressed in identifying oneself with a person, in appropriating him personal qualities himself, in elevating himself to his image. Identification can also be expressed in the desire to be like not only one person, but also a group of people. Identification protection is also called social mimicry. Most often, social mimicry manifests itself in adolescents. For example, a schoolboy strives to be like everyone else, tries to merge with his company. If everyone in the company wears expensive jeans, he will beg his parents for them; if it is common to smoke in a company, he will definitely become addicted to it bad habit. The desire to be like others creates the illusion of security in a teenager.

Social mimicry also manifests itself in the desire to be like people we fear or depend on. Very often, people who are offended begin to copy the behavior of their offenders. Some people need this identification in order to become as “strong-willed” and “strong,” while others need it in order to take it out on the weaker ones. In psychology, this mechanism is called “identification with aggression.”

■ Alienation is expressed in dividing our “I” into several parts and using them consistently. This process occurs at moments when a person experiences severe physical or mental pain. Let's give the simplest example. A person who lived in native land almost all his life, he suddenly leaves for a foreign land. Undoubtedly, it will be very difficult for him to leave his native land, especially if people dear to him remain there. In a new place, it will seem to him that a piece of his soul remains in his native land.

■ Fear of new things. Have you ever noticed that your loved ones, family and friends seem to be asking for your advice, but in fact they don’t need it? Such people are generally afraid to learn something new, because they need to rebuild, reconsider their views on life, doubt previously acquired knowledge, theories and opinions. Therefore, such people subconsciously protect themselves from advice - they talk a lot themselves and don’t let you speak, they complain and don’t listen to you (vest search syndrome), they are capricious, they protest (they say that you are coming up with inappropriate advice), they accuse you of incompetence, they promise to follow the advice then, but do not fulfill their promises.

■ Artificial psychostimulants. Alcohol, tobacco, and drugs not only reduce your health to nothing, but also create the illusion of “control” of your psycho-emotional state. They, of course, do not solve the problem that has arisen.

Other unconscious defenses

These include:

• psychosomatic diseases (the occurrence of somatic diseases due to mental trauma);
• passive aggression (tendency to be late everywhere and everywhere, reluctance to do certain work);
• reaction or aggression towards innocent people (sharp jumping up, screaming, hitting the table, aggressive attacks on people for imaginary reasons);
• dissociation (after traumatic situations, the tendency to pretend that nothing happened, reluctance to solve problems, self-withdrawal);
• internalization (refusal to get what you want: “Yes, it hurts me. I’ll get by”);
• regression (return to childhood behavior patterns - whims, hysterics, throwing things, etc.).

The benefits and harms of unconscious defenses

Let's look at the benefits first.

Psychological defenses:

• help preserve the integrity of the individual and protect it from disintegration, especially when there are conflicting desires. It is known that there are many different “I”s in a person (one “I” wants one thing, another – another, a third – a third). Psychological defenses are needed to bring all these “I” together and allow them to “agree”;
• help to resist illnesses, to believe in one’s strength, to reassure that everything will be fine, everything will be restored;
• prevent disorganization mental activity and behavior. For example, in a moment of sudden stress, disbelief in everything that is happening saves consciousness from destruction;
• protect against negative qualities that a person does not possess, but mistakenly admits to himself. For example, it seems to a person that he is overly demanding of others, although in reality he is not. For the purpose of protection, he may begin to convince himself that overly demanding people are more successful in business, have excellent insight and are demanding of themselves. Thus, defenses save a person from mythical shortcomings and reduce self-blame;
• restore self-esteem, help to accept a painful situation without lowering self-esteem: “Well, so be it. I’m still better than them,” “These people are unworthy of me,” etc.;
• help maintain social approval. For example, a person did something wrong and, knowing this, turns the situation around: “It’s not me who is to blame, but other people/fate/circumstances”, “I’m not like that - life is like that”;
• preserve relationships between people. For example, an employee does not like that his colleague gossips all the time and tries to involve him in conversation. He prefers not to bring the situation to a conflict and, instead of expressing everything, pretends to be uncommunicative.

If we talk about the dangers of psychological defenses, they are:

• do not change the order of things, but only relieve anxiety and inconvenience for a while;
• They distort reality and do not allow us to evaluate it normally. This is especially true when evaluating loved ones. For example, they say that “love is blind.” If a loved one suddenly commits a terrible act, we refuse to believe it, blame ourselves for not immediately understanding what kind of person he is, or rush to defend the offender;
• facts and events are crowded out of consciousness. This temporarily calms, but the fear remains driven into the subconscious and from there affects the person for a long time;
• people are confused. For example, instead of admitting to themselves a hostile attitude towards their child, understanding the causes of this problem and working through it, a parent hides behind overprotection and intrusiveness towards their child, which further complicates the relationship.

Mature unconscious defenses

There are natural unconscious defenses that are harmless and help cope with stress. They are called mature unconscious defenses. These include:

■ cry– a natural and natural protective reaction of a person to stress. Everyone knows that after crying, your soul becomes relatively lighter. It's all about physiological processes, occurring at this moment in the body.

Scientists believe that tears reduce pain, heal small wounds on the skin, and protect the skin from aging. Plus, crying normalizes blood pressure and has an anti-stress effect;

■ dream. Many people after severe stress requires long sleep to restore mental and physical strength. This is how the compensation mechanism works. So if your loved one is a sleeper, don’t wake him up for no apparent reason; perhaps his body is currently busy processing stress;

■ dreams. In the last issue, we talked about how dreams help us cope with the stress accumulated during the day, that dreams simulate situations in which you can prove yourself strong, courageous and decisive, which means you can work through all your stress and overcome your fears. Only this mechanism is connected not in the real, but in the imaginary world. Consequently, the person suffers less and does not have a negative impact on others, unlike, for example, projection or rationalization;

■ sweets, as you know, raise blood glucose levels, and this promotes the production of the joy hormone - endorphin. Therefore, moderate consumption of sweets leads to stress processing. The main thing is not to get carried away and follow the rules healthy eating;

■ sublimation– transformation of unwanted, traumatic and negative experiences into various types constructive and popular activities (sports, creativity, favorite work). The more success a person achieves in his favorite activity, the more stable his psyche becomes;

■ altruism. No wonder they say: “If you feel bad, help someone who is even worse.” In fact, all misfortunes are known by comparison. When we see that another person has it much worse, our own problems seem petty. In addition, any help to someone in need helps us feel needed, and this in the best possible way relieves stress;

■ kind and harmless humor . As you know, a joke told at the right time defuses the situation and improves relations between interlocutors. Learn to laugh at yourself and your problems. Try to associate your problem with some joke, transfer it to funny story, Look at funny photos, download a good movie. And most importantly, smile more often, because laughter prolongs life.

Almost no one is constantly satisfied with themselves. Everyone has something gnawing at them, everyone has their own complexes.

Psychological complex - this is a person’s erroneous idea about his physical or psychological shortcomings, their exaggeration, accompanied by deep and, as a rule, hidden from strangers experiences.

A significant part of a person’s complexes is not actually realized by him. Complexes develop and persist on a subconscious level. Their awareness usually gives rise to very unpleasant experiences, and as a result, the so-called censorship blocks the penetration of information about them into a person’s self-consciousness.
The complex is a very stable psychological phenomenon, which is almost impossible to completely get rid of even when its existence is realized and a person has enough strong desire get rid of them.
There are several psychophysiological explanations for the stability and survivability of complexes. Firstly, complexes are usually formed in humans in early childhood, at that period of life when his brain was not yet mature enough to analyze and differentiate the information entering it. Secondly, in the personality structure, most complexes are interconnected and combined with defensive reactions, which in general play not only a negative, but also a positive role in a person’s life.
For example, an inferiority complex in a person’s personality is often combined with such defense mechanisms, like rationalization and sublimation (creativity).
The presence of complexes in a person can be judged by the following signs:
- frequent and strong feelings due to own behavior and their own inadequate reactions to the actions of other people;
- inappropriate reactions to various life situations and the behavior of other people;
- a feeling of constraint when solving problems that are assessed by other people;
- feelings of fear or anxiety when anticipating upcoming meetings and conversations with significant people.

Complexes can be of the following types:
Inferiority complex- a person’s unfounded belief that he is in some way inferior, much worse than other people and inferior to them, and therefore deserves an unkind and disrespectful attitude towards himself.
An inferiority complex arises due to:
- external, physical disabilities a person, including his figure, face, hands, disadvantages of other parts of the body;
- internal, psychological deficiencies, including intelligence, speech, memory, attention, knowledge, abilities, skills, character traits.
Superiority complex- a person’s not entirely justified attitude that he is superior to the people around him (belonging to a superior race, a “better” clan, social group or the possession of special qualities, culture, abilities, knowledge) and that this entitles him to enjoy special privileges among them.
Hostility complex manifests itself in the increased aggressiveness of a person who may have power and be confident that its possession gives him the right to rule over other people, or in the conviction that all people are by nature enemies of each other, insidious and evil, and, therefore, Aggression is a forced response of one person to the treachery of another.
Guilt complex is expressed in the fact that a person with a highly developed conscience and sense of responsibility constantly worries about himself, about his actions and similar actions of other people, and without proper reason. It often seems to him that he is personally to blame for what happens to him and around him, as well as to other people, although in reality this is not the case.
Protection complex manifests itself in a person’s confidence that all the people around him are opposed to him and wish him harm. In this regard, a person is constantly ready to defend himself from people, although there is actually no need for this.

We all make mistakes, even when we do things we know well. There are several common patterns that happen when we make mistakes, well-known cognitive speed bumps that our brains always trip over. Here are 5 of them:

#5. You see less than you think

Do you know how your eye works? You probably think it works like a camera, right? The light comes in, bounces off the lenses and mirrors, and then all-out - an image appears in your head, just like on a security camera.

In reality, this is not how things happen at all. Or so, if your eye is the worst video camera in the world. While a video camera can keep a fairly wide field in focus, your eye cannot. Only a small part of what you see is in focus at any one time - the light that is reflected onto a tiny part of the retina called the fovea. Everything else remains a blur, in which it is difficult to distinguish a bear from an ugly sofa.

But despite this, at any moment we have a fairly detailed mental image of what is happening in front of us. Where? IN general outline, the eye focuses on what it needs, while the brain fills in the remaining gaps. Most often based on what we have seen most recently.

But this is not always the case. Sometimes our brain makes serious mistakes and creates optical illusions. He tries to build his own picture, based not on what he sees, but on his ideas about how the world works, thereby failing the task of showing us an accurate image. And this is at the simplest level. At a more complex level, we make even stranger mistakes.

In 1998, scientists conducted an experiment to demonstrate this effect. The researcher approached people on the street and asked how to get to the library. While the man was explaining the route to him, two more people passed by carrying the door. As they passed between the researcher and the person, the researcher switched places with one of the people carrying the door. People continued to explain the way to a new person without even noticing the substitution. The results of the study showed that 50 percent of the people who took part in the experiment noticed absolutely nothing. See for yourself!

How did this happen?

One theory states that when a person realizes that he is dealing with an interlocutor whom he will never see again, he stops paying attention to his face. We mentally put a bucket on the interlocutor’s head, on which is written “The guy who is looking for a library.” A bucket like this doesn't need a face because we'll never see it again.

Our eyes see everything, but our brain does not remember it, because it thinks that this information he won't need it anymore. It is this phenomenon, among other things, that explains why we so rarely notice the new hairstyles of our loved ones.

#4. You're full of hidden prejudices

Prejudice does not mean that all women like fried chicken, and all Asians go to the toilet in groups. I'm talking about cognitive biases - well-known and studied errors that we make during the thought process.

There are several hundred studied cognitive biases. For example, the gambler's fallacy is the tendency to think that past events can influence future (independent) events. We think that if a coin lands on heads five times, it will definitely land on tails the sixth time. Or the tendency to make belated judgments, when it seems to us that we could have predicted past (completely arbitrary) events.

Instead of giving an injection, the homeopathic doctor simply pinched the patient’s butt.

Or the identifiable victim effect, which makes us react more strongly to a crime if it involves a specific person rather than a faceless group of people. No matter what job you give your brain to do, as soon as you turn your back, that asshole will immediately try to take a shortcut.

#3. You're building too simplistic models

You “know” how the world works. Everyone has their own little model of the universe spinning above their heads. Of course, it is not complete, because we have not yet seen the entire universe, but what we have seen is quite obvious to us. Right? Let's explore a small part of the universe and delve into the fetid swamp of video game forums.

On almost every video game forum or blog you will find someone who will say something like this: “Judging by the latest actions with the PlayStation/Xbox, this time Sony/Microsoft really shit their pants. Look! Their stock price fell by XX points!”

You'll understand what we're talking about if you know at least a little about the stock market. For example, that there is such a thing as the stock market, and that people in suits work there. Share prices of successful companies rise and vice versa. It's simple, right? But if you know even a little more about the stock market, you will understand that this is a completely meaningless statement. Sony and Microsoft are huge companies whose divisions computer games constitute only a tiny portion of their income. The stock market doesn't care what happens to the Xbox as long as it sells Microsoft Office remain stable.

Let's go back to our little model of the universe. The problem is that in parts of the universe that we don't know anything about yet, there isn't a blank space or a little "read a book, dumbass" note. No, it's much worse. There is SOMETHING in this place, and this something is based on the crazy guesses of our brain.

We simplify our relationships with people when we assume that someone's behavior is explained by their personality rather than external factors. Of course, your employee doesn't answer the phone not because he has a lot of work, but because he hates you! The cashier at the store is slow, not because it's her first day on the job, but because she's an idiot.

#2. You don't learn from mistakes

Sometimes we make mistakes. And there's nothing wrong with that. After all, you have to screw up to get better, right? Anyone can remember a time in life when something was new to them and they kept getting it wrong until they got better over time. Somewhere in the distance, inspiring music played, and the world took on new colors. Whatever your personal success story, the lesson is that failure makes us better.

But that's not true. We learn much more from successes than from failures. Scientists from MIT connected to the brain of a monkey and observed how it successfully and unsuccessfully performed various tasks. They found that, unlike failures, each success corresponded to brain activation that influenced her subsequent attempts. If there were failures, nothing happened, but thanks to successes, it was much easier for the monkey not to make mistakes in the future. What conclusions can be drawn from this story? I'd say it's better to talk" We learn through new attempts"(if, of course, you have enough common sense not to step on the same rake twice).

On a more complex level, we can consider another annoying cognitive distortion- situational bias. This happens when you make a choice and then immediately start looking for confirmation that it is the right one. You favor evidence that supports your choice and ignore evidence that says the opposite (if you've ever seen someone who bought a Mac, you'll know what I mean). This is a very insidious thing. Even if your choice was objectively a mistake, it will be very difficult for you to understand this, because your brain will fight to the last so that you do not see it.

#1. Overconfidence

Despite all the ridiculous paths our brains take without warning, they don't suffer from a lack of self-confidence. Most often we have more than we need. For example, when people say they are 100 percent sure of something, there is about an 80 percent chance that they are actually right. 93 percent of people think they drive better than others. 84 percent of French people think they are above average in bed.

We all think we are above average at everything we do, and the less we know about something, the more confident we are in our abilities. As Charles Darwin, a man widely known for his confidence, once said: Ignorance breeds confidence more often than knowledge.

Even the greatest experts can suffer from overconfidence. Think about surgeons who are above average in everything they do. Surgeons are people too, and they also make mistakes. Instruments are forgotten inside patients, operations begin without necessary devices, the leg bones are attached to the neck bones. This serious problem, because of which more than one death occurred.

The easiest way to minimize errors is to use lists. Is the patient here? Check mark. Do we have enough leeches? Check mark. In other words, many pages of tedious accounting and lists of what any specialist already knows. Airlines always use lists - and this explains why they have such a good safety record.

Despite this, when one doctor tried to introduce the use of lists in hospitals, he had to face considerable resistance from other surgeons. They considered the lists pedantry and an insult, a waste of time doing what they already know how to do. The idea that they could forget the 18th step in a 57-step operation, which could happen to anyone, was unthinkable to them. Here's the story.

It doesn't matter whether you are smart or stupid - no matter what you do, you are doomed to make mistakes. The only solution– use lists, although it is tedious, offensive, and no one will want to do it anyway.

You can learn even more about thinking in the 9-week online training by Itzhak Pintosevich “”.

This article is intended for those who work with groups or teams as their formal or informal leader. Friendly companies, employees working together under pressure, creative clubs, theater and other studios, school classes and student groups, “rooms” in a hostel - this is an incomplete list of groups where typical psychological problems, which, however, psychology has been able to solve for a long time and confidently.

After all, why did a rather unpleasant archetype arise in our country - “communal kitchen”, which is easily replaced by a synonym - “communal squabble”? But because we didn’t have psychology, and in general, it was not interesting to make it easy to live and breathe in the group. Therefore, if you do not want the small society in which you move to begin to resemble a Soviet communal apartment, and, moreover, you have the powers of a formal (or even better, informal) leader, do not neglect the exercises that psychologists have developed and implemented for many years in a row , in order to make every single person a little happier.

Let's say a few words about the benefits of what is being described. psychological exercise benefits the group as a whole and what benefits this exercise brings to the individual.

Benefit for the group

There is such a thing in groups typical problem: almost all members of the group unanimously believe that discussing “unpleasant things” about someone is somehow not accepted. But forgive your soul... And then, the acidified and fermented mess begins to pour out in secluded places (such as a smoking room). This is how gossip is born. Worse yet- sometimes the entire contents of the brain, in which “compromising evidence” has been accumulating for a long time, explodes like a faulty fire extinguisher in the open. This is how “ugly scenes” arise.

What kind of “unpleasant things about someone” are we not supposed to discuss?

This is usually

• “undesirable” behavior (being late, shooting cigarettes... etc.),
• “special” views (well, for example, nationalist statements, in general, any intolerance and rejection),
• as well as “undesirable” attitudes (you always owe me.... because I...).

The most interesting thing is that human. even if he had the entire list of the most terrible shortcomings, no one in the group would OPENLY criticize him. How long will the poisonous moisture accumulate in the cup of patience? Rather than checking, it is better to learn the exercise and quickly implement it in your group.

Benefit for the individual

Usually normal person(unless he is extremely paranoid) severe form) is aware of his shortcomings. But of course! After all, each of us has that 1/3 of the personality, which is called the “Super-I” or in other terms psychological schools"Father figure" This is the very part of the personality that says “Eh, Vasya-Vasya...”, sighs sadly and sternly shakes its finger. The writer Pelevin called this our Super-Ego - the Voice of the Internal Prosecutor.

But here’s what’s paradoxical: sometimes the list of self-claims that we (with the help of the Super-Ego) give to ourselves during hours of insomnia and the list of claims against us that our acquaintances and friends could give us DO NOT ALWAYS COICH!

A person reproaches himself for one thing. And, relatively speaking, they hate him for something completely different!

Psychologists have long noticed this paradox, and to eliminate such inconsistencies and associated energy losses, this exercise was developed.

Before moving on to the direct description of the exercise itself, I want to note one more very important nuance.

When a person, tormented by his super-ego, does not receive any feedback from the group (since it is not customary for them to talk about “bad things”), he begins to be at a loss, furious with uncertainty, and ultimately does this. A person ALWAYS does this, so pay attention!

A person (especially a newcomer) suits the group provocation!

If our hero is a suspicious person, prone to picky introspection, or is simply in depressed state, and also has low self-esteem due to some life circumstances - (for example, he lost his job and just barely got a new one), then everything is his free time he spends on thinking:

• Did his new acquaintances notice his “terrible flaw”, his “peculiarity”?
• If you noticed, how unhappy they are with it. Maybe it doesn’t bother them at all?
• Well, when will they finally tell him everything openly?

As you can see. We all really want this “feedback”. They are even ready to go into conflict because of it. Therefore, our “typical person” intensifies his negative behavior and provokes.

If you have ever had a question: “Why do people behave so arrogantly and defiantly and how are they not ashamed?”, then here is the answer, you got it. People want feedback, they want to be talked to, and for this they strengthen those features of their behavior that they consider “negative.”

As I wrote above, the opinion about “ negative traits“is the same for both a person and his companions. Struggling with their imaginary shortcomings, some people do not even notice that they irritate people with completely, completely different things about themselves... For example, a person who reproaches himself for “shooting” other people’s cigarettes and stationery items may not to guess that in fact everyone is irritated only by his habit of talking loudly on the phone...

Well, now, invite the group whose leader (formal or informal) you are,

Exercise “My shortcomings.”

Instructions that you should give to those gathered.

"Each of us has our own characteristic features, views, traditions, values ​​and attitudes. Some of them are not welcome in our group. But we don’t know what is not welcome here... Let’s find out.”

The psychological exercise is performed like this.

The first stage of the exercise “My shortcomings”

One person leaves the room. While he is absent, each person remaining in the room must name ONE trait that irritates him in the person who left the room.

The presenter (you) records everything that is said about the person on paper.

At this moment, the participant in the game who left the room also receives a task, namely, to think,

• what role do “his shortcomings” play in his own life generally,
• in his work and life with these people - specifically.

The person himself will think in the designated direction, he will be noticeably nervous... But it will still be better if the Presenter clearly says what this person will have to think about - out loud.

The second stage of the exercise “My shortcomings”

The man returns to the room. Now he must guess THREE DISADVANTAGES (negative qualities) that were addressed to him while he was absent from the room.

This is how a person speaks out (perhaps for the first time) his fears, gives the floor to the Voice of the Internal Prosecutor. The participants in the game either confirm that he is right (“You guessed it!”) or reject him (“Nobody said that about you”)

So you need to work with each group member in turn. The group should not exceed 10 people.

The exercise takes 1.5 hours - no more, but no less.

Possible worries and concerns

The psychological exercise “My shortcomings” is very “nervous”, but in the end it is useful. Practicing psychologists have noticed:

• In the course of this psychological exercise, no one will learn EVERYTHING that has been said about him.
• During this exercise psychological stress never overdone.
• In this psychological exercise, we are relieved to learn that we ARE NOT HATED.

And most importantly, this psychological exercise teaches people to give each other feedback. After all, if you don’t give each other feedback, dissatisfaction with someone’s behavior can really result in hatred.

54 674 0 Hello! In this article we will talk about the shortcomings and advantages of a person. We all know that nothing is perfect in this world. Every creature on this Earth has its own unique, non-standard characteristics, some may call them advantages, others - disadvantages. Much depends on whether these traits interfere with the person himself. If so, is it possible to get rid of the flaws and how to do this?

Human flaws

Every person on this Earth has his own unique set qualities Moreover, almost any of them can be attributed to both the advantages and disadvantages of a person. Take, for example, responsiveness and generosity. In society, these qualities are generally considered good, but if we look at them from a different angle, a disadvantage appears before us.

A responsive person is always ready to respond and help. Dignity? Undoubtedly! But excessive responsiveness interferes with the person’s life; he cannot say “no” and often becomes the subject of exploitation by more cunning people around him. From this angle, this flaw prevents the owner of this quality from living and being happy, first of all.

Generosity is an undeniable virtue. But sometimes it turns into wastefulness; an overly generous person can even deprive himself and his loved ones by distributing benefits “outside”.

It turns out that shortcomings are personality traits and qualities that prevent one from living, being successful and happy, first of all, the owner of these qualities. Flaws can be destructive emotions (anger, irritability, mood swings, timidity, etc.), vices (gluttony, greed, envy, etc.), as well as other human weaknesses.

Conventionally, all shortcomings can be divided into several groups.

Type of defects	Examples of flaws	What can they lead to?
Psychological	Restlessness, anxiety, excessive sociability or isolation, laziness, low or high self-esteem, fears, cruelty, cynicism, lack of independence, constant need for control and evaluation of actions, commercialism, deceit and others.	This type of defects can scare people away from their owner and create problems in personal life, become an obstacle to career growth, deprive a person of strength and drive him into deep depression.
Physical	Height, weight, eye color, face shape, body type, imperfect skin, problems with hair or teeth, not meeting someone's standard, etc.	This type of deficiency is very subjective. Any physical quality if desired, you can turn it into a highlight or dignity. However, if nothing is done, physical defects provoke the appearance of complexes, self-doubt and lack of acceptance of oneself as an individual. This, in turn, can lead to deep personal problems, misunderstandings in relationships with other people and unfulfillment.
Women's	Excessive modesty or cheekiness, talkativeness, duplicity, consumerism, shopaholism, greed, not accepting oneself as a girl or excessive self-admiration, callousness, inability to demonstrate one’s own emotions, touchiness, etc.	Such shortcomings can lead a woman to illness and discord in her personal life. In addition, inability to handle own emotions blocks free flow feminine energy and scares men away.
Men's	Dictatorship and patriarchal outlook on life, rudeness, lack of humor, low intelligence, stinginess, greed, sloppiness, cowardice, lack of determination, etc.	These shortcomings cause inconvenience for men in their careers and personal lives.

How to get rid of shortcomings

Growth and self-improvement are what improve the quality of our lives, give meaning to our existence and make us lighter, better and happier. Therefore, if some quality interferes with your life, you need to get rid of it.

1. Find the flaw. Most often, flaws do not need to be found; people know what pulls them back and prevents them from living. If you just want to become a better person, but don't know where to start, pay attention to what irritates you in other people. Most likely, this is exactly what you have in you, but you cannot accept it.
2. You shouldn’t specifically look for shortcomings in yourself, and then savor them without taking any action and complaining about life. The victim attitude gives some people pleasure, but it makes them irresponsible and unable to manage their own lives.
3. Realize the shortcoming, admit to yourself that you have it, and try to accept it. The same applies to loved ones; do not try to remake the shortcomings of your loved one. Try to accept him along with his flaws. And if something doesn’t give you peace, start working on yourself, and not on raising a loved one.
4. Start tracking and controlling your thoughts. This may seem difficult at first, but if you can learn to do it, sooner or later the shortcomings will not be able to cross the line of your awareness. Read:
5. Analyze your flaw. What is his character? How and why does it bother you? What consequences can it lead to? Describe the worst scenario if this disadvantage remains with you forever. How will it end? Use this picture as motivation to quickly eradicate your shortcoming.
6. Find a strength to replace the disadvantage with. Remember the proverb “A holy place is never empty”? This statement is also true when working on yourself. Once you destroy the flaw that irritates you, there will be voids that need to be filled with something right or positive. Otherwise, there is a risk of acquiring new shortcomings and bad habits or strengthen the old ones.
7. Stop making excuses for yourself and your shortcomings.
8. Try to find the source of the “trouble.” Where did your negative quality come from? Most often, legs grow from deep childhood, when we unconsciously adopt the attitudes and behavior programs of our parents.
9. We cultivate dignity in the place of disadvantage.

Disadvantages and summary

Sometimes employers ask applicants to fill out a column about their shortcomings. This is not done at all in order to convict candidates of imperfection, but simply to check the adequacy of the applicant’s own self-esteem. If you are asked to indicate your shortcomings in your resume, do not be afraid and put a dash in this column. There are no people without flaws.

What shortcomings can be indicated in a resume?

It is best to prepare a list of your shortcomings in advance. It should include qualities that in ordinary life can be called shortcomings, but in a specific profession they manifest themselves as advantages. For example, the wording “ I see flaws in everything". On the one hand, it is a flaw, and on the other hand, it is an irreplaceable quality of a program tester or auditor. Here are examples of qualities that may be an advantage for some professions:

• Excessive need for communication and love for people;
• Straightforwardness, inability to restrain one’s own opinion and talk behind one’s back;
• Constant thoughts about work;
• Workaholism;
• Slowness;
• Meticulousness;
• I pay great attention to detail;
• I can't refuse;
• I stand my ground, I don’t know how to show flexibility and compliance in work matters;
• Love of formalism;
• Excessive energy and inability to sit in one place;
• Hot temper and emotionality.

There are several neutral disadvantages that are suitable for absolutely all professions:

• Various fears and fears (spiders, flying, heights, confined spaces, etc.);
• Excess weight or excessive thinness;
• Love (weakness) for something (sweets, kittens, shopping, etc.);
• Lack or lack of experience;
• Tendency to overanalyze one's mistakes and actions.

What shortcomings will scare off an employer?

When listing your shortcomings, you don’t need to become too frank. Many qualities can scare off an employer and characterize you as a bad employee. Among these qualities:

• Laziness;
• Excessive love of love and affairs with colleagues;
• Interested only in money;
• Disclaimer of any liability;
• Absent-mindedness, love of breaks and social networks;
• Constantly being late;
• Reluctance and inability to make independent decisions.

No matter what shortcomings you have, the main thing is to learn to accept yourself for who you are, never stop improving and harmoniously compensate for shortcomings with your advantages.