St. John the Long-Suffering and the passion from which one must flee
Look at : God's commandments.
On the same issue I will give parablessage Solomon, king of Israel, taken from the biblical Book of Proverbs of Solomon: “1 My son! listen to my wisdom, and incline your ear to my understanding, 2 so that you may maintain discretion and your mouth may retain knowledge. 3 for the mouth of another man's wife drips honey, and her speech is softer than oil; 4 but the consequences from it are bitter, like wormwood, sharp, like a two-edged sword; 5 Her feet descend to death, her feet reach to the pit. 6 If you wanted to comprehend the path of her life, then her ways are fickle, and you will not recognize them. 7 Therefore, children, listen to me and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. 8 Keep your path farther from her and do not come close to the doors of her house, 9 lest you give your health to others and your years to the tormentor; 10 So that strangers may not be satisfied with your strength, and your labors will not be for someone else’s house.”(Prov. 5:1-10).
« 26 My son! give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways, 27 because a harlot is a deep abyss, and a strange wife is a narrow well; 28 she, like a robber, sits in ambush and multiplies lawbreakers among people.”(Prov. 23:26-28).
“ 32 He who rejects instruction neglects his own soul; but he who listens to reproof gains understanding” (Prov. 15:32);
“17 The path of the righteous is to avoid evil: he who keeps his way preserves his life” (Prov. 16:17);
“ 11 Do not reject the punishment of the Lord, my son, and do not be burdened by His reproof; 12 for whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and delights in him, as a father does to his son” (Prov. 3:11-12) (BIBLE. Book of Proverbs of Solomon).
“In the New Testament there are much stricter concepts about chastity, about the attitude towards the body, corresponding to the revealed highest purpose of man - unity with God: the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body (1 Cor. 6:13).Apostle Paul calls the body the temple of the Holy Spirit living in Christians (see 1 Cor. 6:19) and contrasts the lifestyle of the sinner, who becomes one body with the harlot, to the union of the believer with the Body of Christ - His Church (see 1 Cor. 6:15-17) "[Orthodoxy. Dictionary-reference book, 2007].
Considering the severity of sin, in the first half of the 4th century after the Nativity of Christ, everyday people were excommunicated from the communion of Saints Mysteries of Christ for seven years. Saint Basil the Great teaches: “Let the fornicator not partake of holy things for seven years, and let him be weeping for two years, listening for two, falling down for two, and standing only with the faithful for one year; in the eighth year he will be admitted to communion” [Symphony on the works of St. Basil the Great, 2009].
In order to understand into what abyss the fornicator voluntarily plunges himself, let us try to understand what our body and flesh are according to the teachings of the Church?
Apostle Paul teaches: “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? So, shall I take away the members of Christ to make them the members of a harlot? Let it not happen!”; “Or do you not know that he who has sex with a harlot becomes one body with her? for it is said: “the two will become one flesh”; “He who is united with the Lord is one spirit with the Lord”; “Flee fornication; Every sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the fornicator sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:15-18).
In the Epistle to the Galatians, St. says: “The works of the flesh are known; they are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, quarrels, envy, anger, strife, discord, [temptations,] heresies, hatred, murder, drunkenness, disorderly conduct, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do these things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19-21).
From my more than 25 years of practical work as a dermatovenerologist, I know that the peak incidence of STIs occurs on the following holidays: December 31 - January 1 (New Year's Eve), March 8 and February 23. Only to these dates you need to add incubation period available to anyone infectious disease. And, as a rule, prodigal sexual intercourse is preceded by festive table and alcohol.
The path to the healing of sinners is indicated in the words Jesus : «<…>It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick, go and learn what it means: I want mercy, not sacrifice? For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners repentance(Matt. 9:12-13). In the Holy Gospel of Luke He says: “I tell you that there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who do not need to repent.” “Even so, I tell you, there is joy among the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15: 7, 10).
With the life of the great ascetic of piety, our venerable mother Saint Mary of Egypt , which has forever become an image of repentance for all those striving for salvation, can be found by watching an Orthodox film "Image of Repentance".
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| Holy Venerable Mary of Egypt. |
(surgeon, professor of medicine V.F. Voino-Yasenetsky) in« Homily on the day of remembrance of the holy forty martyrs of Sebaste » [see Andrey Kondrashov’s album] told his flock about cleansing through repentance.
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| Archbishop of Tambov Luka (Voino-Yasenetsky). 1945 |
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| Forty Holy Martyrs of Sebaste. |
Saint Luke says: “Repentance, the example of which was shown to us by the saints, for example Reverend Barbarian , former robber. Having once thought about his life and shuddered from his sins, he came to the priest and asked to be allowed into a pig shed, where he lived with the pigs for three years, walking on all fours. So he repented, and the Lord vouchsafed him the gift of miracles.
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| Saint Reverend Barbarian. |
Reverend Jacob , miracle worker, seer, through the tricks of Satan, fell into a serious crime and, despairing of the possibility of salvation, wanted to return to the world. But a holy monk found him and convinced him that God’s mercy for sinners who repent with all their hearts is immeasurable. Then the Monk Jacob shut himself up in a cave filled with the bones of the dead, and lived in it for ten years, repenting of his grave sin, and was forgiven by God, and again received the gift of miracles” [Selected Creations, 2007].
Medicine is not concerned with preventing fornication, or calling sinners to repentance. It even happens the other way around. Unfortunately, the advice of many psychotherapists and doctors now seems to be a consequence of incredible spiritual and professional degradation: if, they say, you have sexual incompatibility with your husband (wife), find yourself a partner. Just like finding a partner for a harmless, chaste game of checkers. I also know of many cases where a urologist recommended that patients engage in masturbation in order to improve the outflow of prostate secretions, in the treatment and prevention of prostatitis. And it’s not in the house of the aesculapian that the painful organ should not be raped, and even in such an unnatural way. He forgot (or maybe didn’t know) that God created man in such a way that he endowed him with the ability to have wet dreams. Actually, this is known to medical science. But due to professional degradation, he does not know this. So, in adults, nocturnal emissions usually occur due to sexual abstinence. This phenomenon ensures regular evacuation of sperm and facilitates difficult to tolerate manifestations of abstinence, for example, after concentrating the psyche on sexual topics, after spontaneous erection (excitement of the penis), and the like. For adult men, for a long time not living sexually, emissions at night are an adaptive mechanism to eliminate excess accumulation of seminal fluid in the genitals. Moderate nocturnal emissions are not dangerous to health. In a sense, they compensate for sex life, and when it occurs, they stop on their own. The age of onset of the first emissions and their frequency depend on individual congenital features person (body composition, temperament and others), on the general state of health, lifestyle and direction of interests. Some sexually healthy men never experience wet dreams at all. On average, wet dreams occur in adolescents and young men once a week, in adults - once a month. However, during sexual abstinence, emissions become more frequent, and their uniformity disappears. Wet dreams are not deviations from the norm, but on the contrary, a sign of normal hormonal functioning of the gonads.
I'll give you one example. As a dermatovenerologist, I was called to a hospital for a consultation with a 19-year-old young man with a preliminary diagnosis of acute gonorrhea. During a basic examination, it was determined that there was no gonorrhea, and a specialist was called in to diagnose wet dreams. Who called the consultant? Just don’t be too surprised - a young man is a certified doctor, has a husband and two teenage sons.
Venerable John Climacus in the “Ladder”, Homily fourteen, “On the womb, dear to all and the evil ruler,” he says: “Satisfaction is the mother of fornication, and oppression of the womb is the culprit of purity” (14: 5) [Rev. John of Sinai, 2007]. He teaches: “When we are full, this unclean spirit departs and sends a prodigal spirit upon us; he announces to him the state in which we are left and says: “Go and stir up such and such: his belly is full, and therefore you will not work much.” This one, having come, smiles and, having tied our hands and feet with sleep, now does whatever he wants to us, desecrating the soul with vile dreams and the body with discharges” (14: 27) [Ibid.]. This great father in his glorious "Ladder", the fifteenth word " About imperishable purity and chastity, which perishables acquire through labor and"sweats" warns: “Do not think of overthrowing the demon of fornication with objections and evidence, for he has many convincing justifications for fighting against us with the help of our nature. Whoever wants to fight his flesh and overcome it with his own strength struggles in vain, for if the Lord does not destroy the house of carnal lust and does not build the house of the soul, then he who thinks of destroying [it] watches and fasts in vain. Present to the Lord the weakness of your nature, recognizing your powerlessness in everything, and in an intangible way you will receive the gift of chastity” (15: 24-26) [Ibid.].
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Venerable John of Sinai. |
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt n quotes words apostle paul that: “Drunkards will not inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:10)” [St. right John of Kronstadt, 2007]. I think that every person must decide whether he wants to inherit the Kingdom of God? And if he wants, then he needs to follow the advice of the Bible, the apostles and the Holy Fathers.
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| St. Righteous John of Kronstadt (1829-1908) |
In the first letter to the Corinthians says: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor fools, nor homosexuals,” “neither thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9, 10) .
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt teaches: “The enemy (the devil) corrupted humanity at the beginning, before the flood, all fornication, all kinds of sins, and God brought the flood to the earth in order to save future offspring from the greater spread of fornication and all sin. So now the devil corrupts people mainly through all kinds of fornication.” He says: “Satan very intensely throws the prodigal poison into the heart and loins and the whole body with the greatest flattery. Be strong, servant of Christ, and remember that your incorruptible and pure pleasure is Christ. For Him keep your heart from all uncleanness.” The same holy father teaches: “And you, fornicator, will you receive pardon at the trial if you do not repent and give up your adultery, do not pay for it, do not make amends for it with alms and abstinence? Thus, all those who are attached, addicted to the shadow of this world and its deceitful passions will not have mercy unless they repent. Oh, how many who sinned and repented were pardoned! How many former fornicators, murderers, covetous people and repentants have entered heaven and are enjoying bliss!” [St. right John of Kronstadt, 2007].
instructs: “Whoever gives to harlots becomes ridiculous and shameful; he will have many quarrels, but the pleasure will be short, or better yet, he will not even get a short one. No matter how much he gives to rejected women, they will not be at all grateful to him: another man's house is a drilled vessel (Prov. 23:27). Moreover, this race is shameless, and Solomon likened the love of such a woman to hell. She only calms down when she sees her lover no longer having anything. It’s better to say that even then she does not calm down, but she magnifies herself even more, tramples on the one lying down, betrays him to great ridicule and gives him so much evil that it is impossible to describe” [Symphony on the works of St. John Chrysostom, 2009].
Saint Demetrius of Rostov says: “All sins are unpleasant to God, irritate Him and prompt Him to wrathful vengeance, but in unequal measure, for every sin that a person commits is outside the body,” as the apostle says, “and the fornicator sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6 :18), - against the body, which Christ redeemed with His venerable Blood and prepared to be the temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, He is especially angry with the fornicator and inflicts the wrath of vengeance against him” [Symphony on the works of St. Demetrius of Rostov, 2008].
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian instructs: “Just as a pig finds pleasure in wallowing in the mud, so demons find pleasure in fornication and uncleanness.” He said: “One brother, suffering abuse from fornication, rebuked the demon and said: “Go into the darkness, Satan! Don’t you know that although I am unworthy, I nevertheless bear the members of Christ?” And immediately the disintegration stopped instantly (as if someone blows on a lamp and extinguishes it); therefore he marveled at this to himself and glorified the Lord.” This great father teaches: “If the spirit of fornication bothers you, rebuke it, saying: “May the Lord consume you, full of stench, the demon of uncleanness!” For we know him who said: The carnal mind is enmity against God (Rom. 8:7).” And he also said: “If anyone destroys the temple of God, God will punish him (1 Cor. 3:17), says the Divine Scripture. Like a dog, vigorously resist the demon of fornication; Do not agree to be carried away by such a thought, because a spark will produce many coals, and a bad thought will multiply bad wishes. Try to destroy the memory of them rather than the secret stench.” This great father says: “Listen to him who said: Flee fornication (1 Cor. 6:18). Do you want to know what a grave sin is fornication? Those who could not be killed by the sting of snakes in the wilderness, fornication overthrew them in the land of Midian, and then they agreed to eat an idol’s sacrifice, for which twenty-three thousand of the people died in one day (1 Cor. 10:8).” He teaches: “If you want to overcome fornication, love vigil and thirst, always think about death and never have conversations with a woman, and you will win” [Symphony on the works of St. Ephraim the Syrian, 2008].
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| St. Ephraim Sirin |
Saint Ignatius(Brianchaninov) teaches: “The sin of fornication has the property that it unites two bodies, although illegally, into one body (see 1 Cor. 6:16); for this reason, although he is forgiven immediately after repentance and confession, under the indispensable condition that the repentant leaves him, the cleansing and sobering of the body and soul from prodigal sin requires a long time, so that the connection and solitude established between bodies is implanted in the heart that infected the soul became worn out and destroyed. To destroy this unfortunate assimilation, the Church allows those who have fallen into fornication and adultery very significant periods of repentance, after which it allows them to partake of the all-holy Body and Blood of Christ.” He says: “Some argue that falling into prodigal sin with the body and falling into it with the mind and heart are crimes of equal gravity and significance. This is the Savior’s opinion: everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28). Unfair opinion! This is said in addition to the Old Testament commandment, this is said to those who recognized one bodily fornication as a sin, not understanding that evil thoughts, which include fornication thoughts, come from the heart... defile a person (Matthew 15:19-20), alienate him from God (Wisdom 1:3), they take away purity - a means of seeing God. Delight in lustful thoughts and sensations is fornication of the heart and defilement of a person, making him incapable of communicating with God, and fornication of the body is a change in the entire human being from mixing with another body (see 1 Cor. 6:16), there is a complete alienation from God, there is death, there is destruction. To get out of the first state, you must become sober; in order to emerge from the second, one must be resurrected, one must be born again through repentance" [Symphony on the works of St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov), 2008].
Look at website of Archimandrite Iannuariy (Ivliev) : Sinful passions. Development and classification.
How do the Holy Gospel and the Holy Fathers teach us to deal with those who have succumbed to the passion of fornication?
The Gospel of John says that one day Jesus preached in the Jerusalem Temple. “Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman taken in adultery, and, placing her in the middle, they said to Him: Teacher! this woman was taken in adultery; and Moses commanded us in the law to stone such people. What do you say? They said this, tempting Him, in order to find something to accuse Him of. But Jesus, bending low, wrote with his finger on the ground, not paying attention to them. When they continued to ask Him, He bowed down and said to them: He who is without sin among you, be the first to throw a stone at her. And again, bending low, he wrote on the ground. They, having heard this and being convicted by their conscience, began to leave one after another, starting from the eldest to the last; and only Jesus remained and the woman standing in the middle. Jesus, standing up and not seeing anyone but the woman, said to her: woman! where are your accusers? no one judged you? She answered: no one, Lord. Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more"(John 8:3-11).
Venerable Abba Dorotheos told us: “Do not judge your neighbor: you know his sin, but you do not know his repentance.” [Spiritual flower garden. Thoughts and sayings of saints and great people, 2010].
Saint Demetrius of Rostov speaks : “A person who judges others is like a mirror that reflects everyone in itself, but does not see itself» [Ibid].
Venerable John Climacus teaches:“Judgement is a shameless theft of God’s dignity» [Ibid].
Venerable John Climacus speaks:“He who pleases the belly and wants to overcome the spirit of prodigalness is like one who wants to extinguish fire with oil» [Ibid].
Venerable Neil of Sinai teaches:“Above carnal thoughts, for they corrupt the body and defile the soul.» [Ibid].
Reverend Abba Isaiah said: “If physical beauty seduces your heart, then think about the stench it will turn into, and you will calm down» [Ibid].
Reverend Ambrose reminds us that: " Saint Mark the Ascetic says in his spiritual law: “the root of lust is the love of human praise and glory.” Lust intensifies, as other holy fathers say, when a person loves bodily peace (in food, drink and sleep) and especially when he does not keep his eyes from tempting objects" [ Soulful teachings Venerable Optina Elders, 2009].
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Venerable Ambrose of Optina |
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| Venerable Mark the Ascetic |
So, Rev. Anatolysenior teaches : “The prodigal passion is at war with everyone. And during the ordeals, the demon of fornication boasts before all the princes of darkness that he gave the most spoils to hell. Be patient and ask for God’s help. It is good to speak for the benefit of sisters, but to remain silent is even better. And while reproaching yourself, praying for them is even better.”[Ibid].
1. Patristic understanding of fornication
Speaking about fornication and its psychological aspects, we cannot help but touch upon the Christian understanding of the meaning of the relationship between a man and a woman - the most important task that God has set before us. To answer this question, we turn to patristic anthropology (the science of man).
The Fathers of the Church consider the emergence of passions as a distortion of human nature after the act of sin committed by man.
According to their teaching, there is one main source of sin - our selfishness, that is wrong a person's love for himself. This is the reason and beginning of all passions.
Prodigal passion is no exception.
The words fornication, get lost, wander - all have the same root. Thus, falling into fornication, a person begins to wander away from the Truth. Submission to fornication inevitably leads him to spiritual fornication, to alienation from God.
The Lord in His parables reveals to us hidden secrets spiritual life and the Kingdom of Heaven. We all remember the parable of the prodigal son.
This parable is about physical fornication, spiritual fornication and repentance. In the literal and figurative sense, it reveals to us the essence of fornication (wandering away from oneself, from God, from true love).
Man was created by God endowed with many gifts. He has a word, he has a mind, he has high feelings. He has colossal capabilities and power.
But the question is, what does he spend all this on, what does he spend it on?
According to patristic anthropology, we have two options. One path is the path of adoption to God. The other is self-indulgence, one’s passions and whims. And this is the path to death.
This well-known parable tells of a younger son who walked away from God. It is said that he went to a far country and spent his property living fornication.
The first commandment given to us by God—thou shalt love thy God—has been broken. In its place passion developed. Love for God has been replaced by an attraction to carnal pleasure .
This choice did not pass without a trace for us.
A lot has been lost. The opportunity to see is closed for us spiritual world. Thus, a person, moving away from God, ceases to be “sighted.” We become deaf to the voice of our conscience, to the voice of God, and we poorly distinguish between good and evil.
Why did the Lord in His parable choose fornication out of many passions? Why did He stop at this particular passion?
2. Relationships between men and women.
Let's return to the question of the appointment of a man and a woman.
This is what L.F. writes. Shekhovtsov in the article “The Sexual Revolution through Women’s Eyes.”
“Let us not forget that both culture and civilization are mainly the product of male activity. A woman’s contribution to the history of mankind is traditionally the family, the home.”
She further writes: “I.S. Cohn very accurately expressed the male mentality of sexual behavior: to master a woman as an object, to establish himself through her possession, conquest without regard to emotional intimacy. A woman for a man is an object that does not have her own experiences, thoughts, inner world, i.e. “Subjectivity” is, as a rule, denied to women. A man does not take into account a woman’s feelings; for him they are, as it were, put out of the picture, as something insignificant, completely unnecessary. For a woman, on the contrary, It is feelings that are most important in a relationship with a man and in sexual contact.”(It is clear that we are not talking about those women who have made it their profession to make money by satisfying male lust).
Further, Shekhovtsova compares the relationship between culture and civilization as the relationship between a woman and a man.
“Culture is the sphere of the human spirit, human relations, where the values of mutual understanding and respect are expressed. This is the sphere of knowledge and understanding of science and art. Civilization is the technical sphere of ensuring human interaction with the world, the sphere of technical devices that make life easier for humans, but also require an expensive price for it (ecological deterioration, stress, and so on). Culture is the sphere of subjects, civilization is the object sphere.
Thus, a woman in a relationship with a man is a subject and enters into a subject relationship with a man. And a man treats a woman as an object. Thus, we can say that the relationship between a woman and a man symbolizes the relationship between culture and civilization: sincerity, subtlety, love, sacrifice, on the one hand. And possession, technique (dexterity, cunning - translation technology with Greek), pressure - on the other side."
Now I propose to return to the question that we outlined: who exactly is Eve Adam?
To understand what we are really talking about, let us turn to the text of the Bible. The original Hebrew book of Genesis is not about a helper. The word “etzer” used here is much deeper in content than it appears at first glance.
Thus, the Orthodox theologian and historian professor (1878-1972) proposes to translate the Semitic ETZER as “REPLENIZING BEING.” “Eve is not just a helper, but one who will stand face to face with him, with Adam.”
Such a translation fills the meaning of the union of a man and a woman with a completely different meaning. A husband and wife can stand face to face, as if contemplating each other, penetrating into the depths of each other, filling themselves with new content. They can see in each other all the beauty of the image of God.
Eternity itself opens before us, which through love connects two into a single whole. That is why, as the French existentialist philosopher Gabriel Marcel wrote, telling a person: I love you is the same as telling him: “You will live forever, you will never die.” We find the same expression in .
In other words, we're talking about not so much about help in labor, in the function of giving birth to children, but about the replenishment of existence itself.
And then it turns out that assistance in labor, the birth and upbringing of offspring is thought rather as a consequence of this replenishment.
Above we considered the metaphorical purpose of women and men as social purpose culture and civilization.
The husband has what the wife lacks. And the wife has what the nature of a man lacks. She is the one through whom he can become something more. He is the one through whom she will grow to her full measure. This difference is not mutually repulsive, but complementary and mutually enriching.
They are together only because they are different. So, according to the Bible, in living together Adam and Eve there is a complete change in a person’s life, an expansion of his personality, God thus leads a person to the fullness of being.
That's how it was intended.
But the Fall changed everything. Relations between the sexes have changed. In modern society there is no dialogue and cooperation between culture and civilization.
3. What are the sources of the emergence and development of fornication?
4. How does prodigal passion develop?
5. Fornication as a consequence of pride.
It has already been said that the emergence of passions is the result of the Fall. In other words, the moment a person decides to do without God, puts himself in His place, filled with pride, vanity and self-deception, our nature is distorted.
Thus, any human passion is a consequence of pride - a person’s arrogant intention to get along in this life independently, without God.
We also know that all passions are interconnected and influence one another.
Fornication is also a consequence of pride. How is this connected? The Holy Fathers believe that if the Lord had given the devil the opportunity to completely rule over us, the demons would have torn us apart. But, by the grace of God, the Lord allows the action of the devil’s power within us to the extent that we can withstand resisting it. And when a person is in pride (and it blinds), he cannot see pride in himself - then the Lord, in order to humble him, allows the prodigal demon to attack him. And, seeing and enduring this destructive passion, always noticeable to him and always tormenting him, a person can determine that he is proud.
The Holy Fathers believe that the demon of fornication was allowed to act in us precisely for the purpose of to humble pride, because this passion is so disgusting that everyone tries to conceal it, hide it, is ashamed of it, does not stick it out. But even here our time is different in that fornication at its most various manifestations proud and exalted.
Thus, we see that the demon of fornication is connected with the demon of pride. The proud are providentially allowed to engage in particularly strong fornication, in order to cure a greater sin with a lesser sin, and a stronger one with a weaker disease. But if a person if he humbles himself in time, he will not need this cruel healing.
The Lord is sometimes in no hurry to allow a person to free himself from lustful passion, so that pride, the most dangerous passion, does not develop.
This helps us understand that the appearance of fornication is often the result of our pride or condemnation of another person.
Gives a good example. He talks about how at some point he was attacked by a strong temptation for fornication. He decided to cope with this temptation at all costs. He began to climb the mountain, reading prayers. But the abuse did not stop, but only intensified. At some point, he suddenly remembered that he had recently condemned a woman for her lustful passion. And he condemned him harshly. At that moment, he did not suspect the possible strength of this passion; apparently, in the depths of himself, he exalted himself above it. As soon as he remembered this episode and repented of his condemnation, his passion left him.
This is precisely an example of the fact that passion is sent to us to keep us from pride. She calls for humility and repentance. Calls for not judging your neighbor.
6. Prodigal passion and love.
Before our eyes, the predictions of the Holy Fathers are beginning to come true. It seems that in the history of mankind there has not been such an all-encompassing pressure of sexuality as in our days. There is not a single area of social life left that is not involved in this process. Everything is used: literature, art, television, films, music, advertising, fashion, the Internet, computer games. Sex education in school, the way it is conducted, also serves to develop this passion. The idea is introduced into people's minds that abstinence is harmful for a person, and the satisfaction of lust is beneficial. The need to hold onto carnal desires is presented as “a dangerous matter that is traumatic for the psyche.” Chastity, modesty and modesty are declared an “inferiority complex.” A huge pornography industry has grown and is growing around sexuality, corrupting the hearts of young people and teenagers.
We are constantly exposed to a stream of sexual stimuli against our will.
At the same time, we need to remember that the Bible does not turn us away from carnal love. Sacred tradition has always been based on the Holy Scriptures.
We know that there is nothing random in the Bible. Let's turn to the Song of Songs. This book was included in the Holy Scriptures later than all the others. There was debate among Jewish theologians about the canonical merits of the Song of Songs. Some of them said that a book that does not even mention the name of God cannot be sacred. However, the book entered the canon and was accepted by the Christian Church.
When interpreted literally, we see in this book a depiction of earthly love. The main content of the book is the feelings of lovers. Priest G. Pavsky writes that two loving persons - a young man and a girl - express their tender and strong love to each other and extol each other to the skies, comparing them with everything that could be presented to them as the most beautiful and magnificent.
Meanwhile, there is also mystical-allegorical interpretation. This does not mean that the second interpretation excludes the first. Theologians believe that there is no reason to completely reject the literal interpretation, since the Bible, as a book addressed to all people, cannot bypass such important aspect human life like earthly love. It reveals the will of God for man. After all, love and marriage are commanded from above: “A man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and the (two) will be one flesh” (). Love in the Song of Songs is depicted as a powerful force that overcomes all obstacles.
And love here is monogamous in nature. Because for the Groom the Bride "the only one" Both of them find their second self in the other person, without which they cannot live. In the joy of the union of two, God’s plan is realized, final goal which is the unity and harmony of all. We can treat earthly love as a school that prepares us for highest form love - love for God.
Now about the mystical meaning.
The deep mystical meaning of the Song of Songs is that earthly love here becomes a symbol of the relationship between God and man. The Word of God teaches us about the high dignity of pure human love. And marriage in the Church is one of its sacraments. The Orthodox theologian S. noted that this is the only one of the seven sacraments, the foundation of which was laid by God from the beginning, back in the Old Testament.
He who does not know how to love people will not be able to love God. This is why love, true love, is so dangerous to the enemy. Loving people always attacked by the enemy, always tempted. Love is strengthened by trials. And if it is destroyed, then something was no longer right in the person’s heart. Apparently, there were cunning thoughts there, and a desire to command, and to be arrogant over others. Perhaps something completely different was taken for love.
To distinguish love from another feeling, to preserve it, to carry it through your life is the path to God. This is a feat of spirit.
7. The essence of fornication in the context of the meaning and purpose of love, based on the New Testament.
In the sinful state in which we exist on earth, we cannot fully know God. It is only partially revealed to us. But we can move in this direction, continue this search throughout our lives.
In this regard, it turns out that leaving your love, betraying it, going into fornication is leaving Christ. It is probably no coincidence that it was Christianity - this complete Revelation of God the Trinity - that brought people the revelation of a monogamous marriage in which one can grow and develop spiritually. And marital crowns were equal to the crowns of martyrdom, because preserving love, carrying it through life is a feat of the spirit.
It is through love that a person can again return to his damaged integrity, gain the fullness of his being in the world. This is possible through loving communication with other people, the world and God. God has not been revealed to people in such completeness in any other religion. It was in Christianity that it appeared to us great secret and the revelation of the God of the Trinity - the God of Love.
Where can we learn love, if not in our family, if not in a Christian marriage? It is no coincidence that for a Christian, family is small.
It is love that brings us closer to the knowledge of God, teaches us something that was not available to us before. Although somewhere deep down we always knew what it was. After all, every human soul, according to the word (who lived at the turn of the 2nd and 3rd centuries) is a Christian. We carry this memory, this knowledge of Christ from birth. It’s just that in our intellectual fornication we lose this knowledge.
“In the New Testament (the sin of fornication) received a new severity, because human bodies received a new dignity. They have become members of the Body of Christ, and the violator of purity already brings dishonor to Christ, breaks the unity with Him... The adulterer is executed by spiritual death, the Holy Spirit departs [from him], the sinner is recognized as having fallen into mortal sin... a guarantee of inevitable death... if this sin is not cured in time by repentance " Bishop.
Any human relationship, any activity in which there is no presence of the Holy Spirit leads to demons settling in the soul. And God moves further and further away.
The Apostle Paul says: nothing should possess me... the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body... Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit living in you().
“If anyone destroys the temple of God, God will punish him” (), says the Holy Scriptures... Strengthen your resistance to the demon of fornication; do not agree to be carried away by a thought, because a spark ignites coals and a bad thought multiplies bad wishes. Try to destroy memories of them too.” Rev.
The Bible says a lot about love. This is what we find about her in the letters of the Apostle Paul:
“Let everything be done with love” ()
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, so love one another" ()
“...constantly love each other from the bottom of your heart” ()
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved and gave Himself for her” (; )
And this is what he writes about love: “Love is an amazing feeling, but it is not only a feeling, it is state the whole being. Love begins at the moment when I see a person in front of me and see his depths, when I suddenly see his essence. Of course, when I say “I see,” I do not mean “I comprehend with my mind” or “I see with my eyes,” but “I perceive with my whole being.” If a comparison can be made, then in the same way I perceive beauty, for example, the beauty of music, the beauty of nature, the beauty of a work of art, when I stand in front of it in amazement, in silence, only perceiving what is in front of me, without being able to express it in any way. in a word, except the exclamation: “My God! How wonderful!” The secret of love for a person begins at the moment when we look at him without the desire to possess him, without the desire to dominate him, without the desire to take advantage of his gifts or his personality in any way - we just look and are amazed at the beauty that has been revealed to us "
8. About chastity.
Every passion has its opposite. Chastity is opposed to fornication.
However, it is a mistake to think that chastity is a concept that concerns only bodily relationships.
Chastity is about wisely preserving the integrity of your soul, and when entering into marriage, the soul of another person. Chastity transforms physical relationships in marriage into a reverent union of two. Such a union of two people through physical relations is, as it were, the completion of the unity that lives in their souls.
Education of chastity modern child Unfortunately, neither the school nor society is currently engaged in this. This leads to sad results.
Desacralization of the intimate sphere, removing the veil of romantic secrecy (not without reason - the sacrament of marriage!) with love relationship entails disturbances in the experience of love as something personal and concerning only two people. As a result, these disorders lead to suppression of libido and a depletion of the repertoire of love experiences. Psychotherapists in lately They note youthful impotence among young healthy boys who know sexual techniques so well from erotic films. That. the ongoing processes in the mental structure of a young man deprive him of full-fledged love experiences in the future, including sexual ones. There are obstacles to creating a full-fledged family.
Those who are involved in raising children: parents, educators, teachers must remember that chastity is a feeling that is given to a person from birth, and in the future must be preserved, nurtured, and carefully nurtured. The difficulties of this process lie in the fact that chastity is directly influenced by the entire environment in which today’s person develops and is formed.
Like all the most valuable and pure things, chastity, first of all, is formed and developed in the family. At the very least, the family can lay that foundation of purity and strength, which will always help the child in difficult times to resist sin. And even if a person falls, then it is the foundations of love, fidelity, honor, instilled in childhood, that give him the strength to rise and turn to repentance.
Family begins with the right choice. How you want to make the right choice and not make a mistake. Make a choice for life!
9. The problem of adultery.
Extramarital relations (adultery) are a virtually unexplored area of marital relations. Scientific study them using surveys, even anonymous ones, is a difficult matter, since the information received is related to a phenomenon traditionally not approved in society, and, therefore, may be incomplete or distorted. With all the changes in sexual morality in recent decades towards greater tolerance, for example, towards premarital affairs, the attitude towards extramarital affairs is much less tolerant.
What pushes a person to extramarital relationships?
I would like to note that often the motive leading to infidelity is emotional dissatisfaction in the marriage of one or both spouses. What is this?
Emotional dissatisfaction, melancholy, despondency….
“I learned that the demon of despondency precedes the demon of fornication and prepares the way for him,” writes (Fl. 27, 49).
This statement is consistent with the fact that addiction, the feeling of loss of novelty from relationships - all this gives rise, in particular, to despondency. And people try to get rid of this condition not by a deep analysis of this condition, not by working to find the cause within themselves, but by solving this problem externally, through external objects or new relationships.
However, as you know, the inner emptiness cannot be filled with anything other than God. And therefore, many married couples initially doomed go through crises. A man and a woman can be in a marriage union, but also experience melancholy, loneliness and the meaninglessness of existence.
Modern man is increasingly accustomed to running away from internal pain. The situation in the family can often lead to states where we are in pain. After all, it hurts from those closest to you. Internal psychological pain is interpreted by many secular psychologists as something foreign that needs to be quickly removed, made so that it becomes comfortable and easy. This is contrary to the Orthodox approach.
In a new relationship, a person tries to cope with the inner emptiness that exists in him through passionate experiences of the novelty of feelings and relationships. And often he doesn’t understand that root cause this emptiness in his separation from God. Finding God within yourself is not an easy task. It requires spiritual courage and patience. Moreover, if such a temptation as passion is given.
Passion attracts, excites, beckons. There is an intoxicating joy in it and the expectation that now I will be happy.
However, if we want to grow spiritually, then we must face our internal and external crises, our pain, with respect. And look at what is happening to us with unconditional trust in God. And it is from Him that we can draw strength in order to cope with the situation. By enduring the situation and all the difficult feelings associated with it, we develop spiritually. At the same time, our relations have a chance to develop. If we simply avoid pain and drown it out in fornication (or any other form of addiction), then we we lose the opportunity for deep personal transformation in God.
10. Common misconceptions characteristic of adultery.
Returning to the vice of adultery, we can say that, in addition to the most passionate attraction, and sometimes simply lustful desire ,
is also based on several quite naive recurring misconceptions.
A spouse who allows himself infidelity in marriage convinces himself that “no one will know” his adventures. But the heart feels that mystically this is not only not hidden from anyone, but everyone knows about it: heaven, earth, children, wife or husband. And this is first on an unconscious level, and then it will be revealed with your own eyes. From patristic literature we know that the accompanying passions that support fornication and mutually reinforce each other are despondency, vanity, gluttony and drunkenness.
Another illusion is that there is supposedly no spiritual depravity in physical relationships. This is truly an illusion. Man, as a holistic being, cannot help but participate in every process entirely. Monogamous marriage requires a person (male or female) to be fully... holistic participation in marital relations. Participation of spirit, soul and body. And it is precisely the reluctance to participate fully (and this happens during adultery) that leads to increased internal splitting, and thereby to moving away from God.
11. The spiritual aspect of adultery.
We remember from the Gospel story that the integral structure of man (spirit-soul-body) was disrupted by the Fall. A person suffers painfully due to a violation of his integral structure. It is possible to come to integrity only by freeing yourself from passions. Prodigal passion (like any other passion), strengthens this splitting.
It destroys the personality structure. After all, a person has to hide, deceive, and take care that his husband or wife does not find out about it. And even if this passion is committed quite openly, it nevertheless internally devastates a person, weakens him spiritually. And this leads to the alienation of the soul from the body. As a result frequent changes partners, it becomes increasingly difficult for a person to feel love or even sympathy. At some point, he is surprised to note that he simply stops experiencing any feelings. Why? After all, they only interfere and lead to attachment. It's inconvenient, painful, uncomfortable .
Feelings begin to separate from the mind, from the body. If any feeling suddenly arises, it must be suppressed. This is unnecessary, it interferes, it will create unnecessary problems. Thus, a person learns to simply use another person sexually. And treat your body like a machine. A simple pursuit of sexual pleasure begins, which surprisingly dulls. After all, everything gets boring. And the fornicator needs more and more new relationships, new connections. But, unfortunately, they all cease to satisfy.
And indeed, it is always a kind of spiritual deadness, a frightening emptiness of loneliness. The fornicator is an image of spiritual wandering. It’s not for nothing that prodigal deeds are called adventures. Fornication, wandering, lost, lost, forsaken by God - all this is one semantic synonymous series.
12. Psychological approach to the problem of marital fidelity.
We're touching now important issues. They are so complex that by giving any schemes and strict rules, we risk making an irreparable mistake. One thing is clear, that sexual relations Only in marriage are we fully worthy, pure and beautiful. However, even there, if the desire for sexual pleasure is placed higher than the good relationship and devotion of the spouses to each other, then intimate relationships can turn into evil. In this case, the true spiritual essence of marriage is lost as an opportunity to grow together to its full extent in Christ.
When psychologically counseling a family, you can immediately notice that the concepts treason And loyalty are subjective. Each partner of a married couple and the married couple as a whole have their own own performance about fidelity and betrayal. It is clear that in Orthodox families such a view exists more definitely. And this point is a positive factor when it comes to counseling an Orthodox family.
Secular and Orthodox psychologists view family crises differently. Accordingly, different solutions are also offered.
The topic of relationships between men and women is inexhaustible. Here it is easy to slide both to one pole (hypocrisy and moralizing) and to the other - to follow the motto that the world is ruled by love, and, therefore, everything that we call love is allowed and justified.
And yet I would like to note that we are not calling for the need to maintain any relationship, no matter what. We all make mistakes. There are marriages that are inherently destructive. Perhaps the decision to get married was made without the proper degree of responsibility and without prayerfully coming before God. Then the development of relationships in marriage may not go in the direction of mutual growth in God, but creates a threat to the physical or psychological state one of the spouses or children. With this option, a possible positive solution to resolve this situation would be divorce.
There are quite frequent cases in counseling practice when people turn to the fact that they have lost the ability to love and are not capable of long term relationship. They always have partners, but there is loneliness and pain in their souls. This applies to both men and women.
Unfortunately, the processes taking place in society to “legalize sex” cannot but affect all areas, including principles psychological counseling. In this context, the advice of many secular psychologists now appears as a consequence of spiritual and professional degradation, calling for the fact that if, they say, you have sexual incompatibility with your husband (wife), or depression, or some other difficulties, then have a yourself a mistress (lover). This is not a way out of the situation. But it’s just a way to push the problem deeper.
We are mistaken if we think that the Church prohibits adultery simply from the principles of Christian morality. That's not the point. In marriage, husband and wife form a special unity, but fornication creates a crack, a schism, a black hole. If in the unity of the marriage union in the family the presence of the Holy Spirit was felt, and it was some kind of warm atmosphere of love and trust inexpressible in words, joint activities and joy, then after committing adultery, this internal atmosphere of the family is gradually destroyed.
Often children begin to immediately react to what happens between their parents. As the weakest link, they are the first to “take upon themselves” responsibility for the sins of their parents. The virus of sin is transmitted to them. Not always, but quite often children begin to study poorly, behavioral problems appear, various kinds dependencies. In my consulting experience, you constantly come across the fact that children’s problems are the consequences of parents’ stupidity and pride.
There are families in which parents separate in a fairly civilized manner, doing everything possible to ensure that the divorce affects the children as little as possible. Fortunately, this also happens.
As mentioned above, only psychologically we are not able to cope with any passion. Man cannot do anything on his own. And only by turning to the Holy Spirit for help, we are able to change and move forward on the path of our healing.
But what should you do if people really have incompatibility? In this case, you need to understand each specific situation, but know for sure that moral decline does not provide either mental or physical comfort. On the contrary, such advice gives rise to a whole series problems and experiences.
13. Homosexuality.
There is no clear answer to the nature of homosexuality either in medicine or in psychotherapy. Apparently, as in all deviations (perversions), they occur due to the fact that the integrity of a person is violated; and in the hierarchy of spirit-soul-body, bodily pleasure occupies first place.
You can look at the problem of homosexuality in this way: these are two individuals, two human beings who initially “agreed” to settle on spiritual-carnal relationships. God created man and woman so that it was in their union, in their contact at all levels of existence, that they would do spiritual work in marriage that would bear fruit.
Living together in a normal marriage their differences, overcoming their limitations together, at the levels of body, soul and spirit, two people - a man and a woman - accomplish a feat in their spiritual development. Same-sex homosexual relationships cannot have a positive spiritual meaning; they are based on a negative, demonic spirituality and are severely condemned by the holy fathers.
Just as marriage has its own mystery, the mystery of piety, Truth and Righteousness, so does fornication and homosexual relationships there is also a mystery, but the mystery of lawlessness and sin. The mystery of piety does not impose itself, but humbly and meekly rises above us. The mystery of fornication beckons, flirts, seduces, deceives, sticks.
In order to resist fornication psychologically, it is necessary to resist the development of “fornication consciousness” in oneself.
In the treatment of addictions, quite a lot of attention is paid to the psychological aspect. To find the right landmarks, you need to see what traps false psychological attitudes we get caught if we are inattentive to what is presented to us in the form of certain axioms.
Religious and moral normalization of sexual relations presupposed a person’s ability to control himself, his inclinations, desires (mastery of neuropsychic processes, the motor-motor system). It was possession spirit over flesh. Self-control begins with mastery of the word, of your consciousness. When a person “slides” from the spiritual level to the spiritual or carnal level, then the process of losing power over oneself begins. A person who does not control his own emotional-volitional processes loses himself.
14. Neurotic sexual addiction as fear of death.
Obsession with sex helps modern man to hide his fear of death. We, people of the 21st century, are practically not protected from this fear, since we have lost faith in the immortality of our souls, which was armed to generations based on Christian dogmas. And due to the loss of faith, a universally significant goal in life is lost. Death causes fear in a non-believer, and accordingly, thoughts about it are almost always suppressed.
It turns out that in order to prove his existence, his potency, a person strives to constantly prove to himself that he is alive. Psychotherapists of the existential direction believe that sexual activity is the most convenient way to drown out the internal horror of death, since death is a symbol of absolute impotence, complete powerlessness and finitude.
A person who has not yet entered into marriage tries to fill his inner emptiness, states of loneliness associated with the lack of spiritual life, with carnal emotional experiences. He doesn’t even understand that the problem of his condition lies on a different plane. And in this case, fornication becomes something akin to a drug. Indeed, sexual relationships without love can give peace for a while, and then everything returns with even greater force.
Thus, dependence on the sensations associated with fornication arises. It forms and develops, like other forms of addiction.
And, like any form of addiction, in its deepest version it is our unconscious, unbearable experience of the feeling of being abandoned by God.
In the practice of family counseling, there is a form of work when couples turn to a consultant before marriage. And together with him, the future spouses clarify the reasons for their decision, the presence of common values and meanings, that is, the foundation on which the family will be built.
These consultations are conducted with the aim of helping young people make the right choice when starting a family, clarifying the discrepancy in values, in matters of raising future children - thereby identifying an area of potential conflict.
It often happens that the basis, the main motive for creating a family, is sexual attraction. If this is the main reason, then there is no doubt that as this attraction subsides, people begin to experience dissatisfaction in marriage.
15. Psychological aspects of getting rid of lustful passion based on the ascetic teaching of the fight against thoughts.
A person captured by passion gradually destroys his personality.
The first step to liberation from passion-addiction is the realization that addiction has formed and that it already owns you. As long as a person thinks that he can cope on his own at any moment, he is in "charm", i.e. unable to truly assess reality and sinks deeper and deeper into addiction. Consciousness always finds a justification for any action.
If there is an awareness of the situation, an awareness of one’s powerlessness and a desire to get rid of passion, then it means that one will be given the strength and opportunity to cope with it. “My strength is made perfect in weakness” ().
The Lord begins to help a person when he, realizing his powerlessness, the futility of all his efforts, calls on Him for help.
A modern person, oriented towards external life and activity, needs to learn to pay attention to “his own to the inner man", that is, to learn careful observation behind your thoughts and feelings. And also, without guile, to realize how our passionate desires are formed, how we indulge them, intellectually justify them. In a word, using patristic terminology, we should learn sobriety and “spiritual warfare.”
It must be remembered that man himself cannot cope with temptations without God’s help. But if you ask, you are given grace-filled strength to resist them.
Working with thoughts is an entire art. We start by observing ourselves.
16. How to carry out self-observation work.
When working with clients, I often recommend putting off captivity for a while. Telling myself that this will not get away from me. And devote five to ten minutes to describe the process of “capture by thought.” These stages are sometimes very difficult to track in consciousness. When we write down, we gradually begin to grasp what follows what. Our attention to the inner life, the “inner man” is trained. And after such training, a person is increasingly able to grasp the beginning - the preposition. All this begins to succeed only when it is possible to observe the process of internal warfare a little from the outside.
It is also important to remember that our psyche is very conservative and inert. It takes quite a lot of time to retrain yourself to think and feel differently. There will definitely be “falls”. However, you shouldn't give up. We must continue the fight again and again. Any experience of “falls” should be recognized as much as possible.
We must live our falls with contrition and repentance, but not lead to despair. To develop the process of observing thoughts, it is useful to keep a diary. Write down in your diary all the moments of falls and victories. You should describe as if from the outside, trying to be dispassionate. And then the skill of working with thoughts will develop, which will allow you to escape from the captivity of sin.
Based on the patristic teaching of the fight against passions, we recommend the “algorithm” for liberation from passions proposed by the saint.
However, we must remember that this is just a diagram. A specific living example of work is always more complex and multifaceted.
IN in this case An example of working with prodigal passion is given - addiction to viewing porn sites.
17. To achieve success, you need to form a strong intention.
The first thing you need to do is clarify and strengthen your motivation. To do this, you need to answer (preferably in writing) a number of questions:
- think about how good it will be when I overcome the passion for fornication(y my relationships with girls will improve, in the future I will be able to create a good family; anxiety and tension will go away; I will become happier, freer internally...)
- why don't I want to fight passion (I don’t believe that I will succeed; I will have to devote time to this, I don’t have much of it, I need to pay attention to my inner life, but I don’t know how to do this....)
- describe the consequences of passion (fear that this will entail loneliness, there will be no stable relationships, there will be no family, I am increasingly withdrawing from people, I am getting used to relieving stress and anxiety in this way and I don’t know how it can be done otherwise...)
- Am I determined to fight?(see paragraph 1 Yes, I have to decide, but can I cope?)
- mobilize your will and ask God for help (I can’t handle it myself, but with God’s help I can handle it...)
Confirming your intention (motivation) is important, because this is where we will draw strength from failures and mistakes. We need strength in order not to give up under any circumstances, but to continue to work on ourselves further. Success will definitely come if you have patience and always remember that you cannot resist this struggle without God’s help.
Let us remember that passion is not born in a person’s soul right away. The Holy Fathers say that it begins with a prelog (attack). In Slavic, to be struck means to collide with something.
18. Stages of passion formation.
The process of passion formation is conventionally divided into four stages.
First stage- see the emergence in oneself adjective.
The pretext arises in a person’s mind from impressions of what he saw, for some other reason, or as an image imposed by the enemy - the devil. But the pretext comes against the will of a person, without his consent and participation. A person himself is free to accept the pretext in his heart or reject it.
Second stage– the pretext has been accepted, it is already being thought about, becoming one’s own. Fathers call it also combination or interview with intention.
Third stage- this is an inclination to a thought, or condolence, when a person’s will has already submitted to the influence of a sinful thought and the person is ready to move on to action. We remember the words of the Lord in the Gospel: “ Evil thoughts come from the heart...(). Sin begins “with an evil thought” about it. And the Apostle James writes: “But lust, having conceived, gives birth to sin, and committed sin gives birth to death” ().
Fourth stage–captivity by thought. A sinful thought turns into action (deed, words).
For a person inexperienced in spiritual warfare, infection with passionate thoughts occurs much faster. Initial stages developments of thoughts (adjective-combination-addition) often go unnoticed at all, and only at the level of captivity, if the struggle with developing passions begins, do they come out.
We have already said that our thoughts are not always ours, but come from the “enemy”. Knowing this, the Holy Fathers suggest not to be afraid of them, and not to become discouraged by your own sinfulness. This is one of the moments of spiritual warfare. Pomyslov no need to be afraid, but also no need to talk to them. You should also protect yourself from temptations. After all, every person himself knows well what a situation of temptation is for him.
This is a very important point that ordinary psychologists do not pay attention to and do not even consider. We should take a closer look at it. What is said below is revealed to us only by patristic experience.
It is necessary to perceive thoughts as something external that has nothing to do with us. It is necessary to remember that you cannot cope with temptation on your own without God’s help. And a person who already has some spiritual experience and a consciousness purified by repentance can observe the development of thoughts internally calmly and soberly. In this case, he is given grace-filled strength to resist them.
So, those who want to free themselves from passions must learn to kill bad thoughts in the bud, to “break their babies against a stone” (see:). And the germ of a thought is (as already mentioned above) - a preposition.
It is necessary to begin the fight against thoughts with prayers to the Lord, saints and guardian angel. This is important so that we refrain from attributing the successes of spiritual warfare to our own efforts, and only to the help of God.
19. An example of work on self-observation with the thought of fornication.
The example is the same. A person is very tempted to enter a porn site….
Prilog
I’m very tired today, I’ll go turn on the computer and relax...
What needs to be done to prevent passion from developing further: I know that I will definitely go to a porn site. Lord, help me to hold on!
Combination
Nothing special, I’ll just turn it on and look at the mail, it doesn’t mean anything...
To prevent the thought from developing further, you need to shift your thoughts to something good.
Yes, but I know myself, it’s better if I try to relax differently. I’ll go and ride a bike... I know that it’s better for me to avoid temptations for now.
Pairing
It’s okay, everyone is on these sites. Nobody died from this. And in general, why today? After all, I’m tired now and what… do I even need a bike?
Here it is necessary to be able to look at yourself from the outside before the onset of captivity. See your spiritual weakness and how, in essence, communication and conversation with the demon occurs in internal dialogue. And then really ask yourself the question: do I choose Christ or the devil? (Lord, help me not to betray You!)
Captivity
And anyway, what does Christ have to do with it? I don't want to think about it...
The example given cannot serve as an ideal scheme in all cases. Of course, a person’s inner life cannot be limited by schemes and algorithms. But to better understand the essence of the process, we have to resort to this. Truly working with thoughts is the essence of Orthodox asceticism - the science of sciences.
In monasteries, monastics confessed their thoughts to the elder. Many of us lay people, deprived of spiritual guidance, need to not only get rid of sinful thoughts and not allow them into our soul, but also fill it with other thoughts - and master all this personal experience of spiritual warfare.
Ideally this work is part of ascetic practice, developed by Eastern Christianity. It leads to pure consciousness, inner silence, to constant prayerful standing before God - what is called in Orthodox asceticism. But this is a completely different topic for conversation. And we should stop here...
20. Conclusion.
In conclusion, I would like to say a few more words about the fact that passion (any passion, not just the passion of fornication) leads us to unfreedom, to internal slavery. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul says: “You, brothers, are called to freedom!” ().
We do not know how to use it with dignity, poorly understanding what kind of feeling this is (it can cause anxiety) and we replace freedom with self-will, thereby falling into the slavery of sin. Christianity is the opportunity given to us to find freedom in Christ.
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” ()
If we want to get lasting results in the fight against passion, then we need to work towards developing our Christian worldview.
Without personal Rooted in the Christian consciousness, a person cannot cope with this problem due to the fact that society as a whole, as it now relates to sin, is a powerful factor generating temptations.
The process of building a Christian worldview is not quick, but at times difficult and painful, as is the process of any birth. And here the birth of a new personality in Christ takes place. The Orthodox Church gives us the opportunity to repent. And this is the only opportunity to reconsider your actions, thoughts and feelings in order to get away from the temptations of repetition, and at the same time not fall into a state of melancholy and despondency from the awareness of your sinfulness and spiritual poverty.
We always have a choice - to die of hunger in a foreign country, herding pigs, as the prodigal son did, or to return to the Father's house.
Fornication (or lustful passion) is particularly cunning. It can take over a person’s mind and the process of indulging it often becomes the only incentive for life. To shield their passion for fornication, many give it the name “love,” although in reality what is meant is not a pure and bright feeling, but only a physical desire to satisfy their sexual needs.
You will learn more about fornication and methods of combating it from this material.
Speaking about fornication with its psychological aspects, it is imperative to touch upon the Christian understanding of the meaning of the relationship between a man and a woman. That is, the main life task that the Creator sets for people.
To consider this topic most objectively, one should study patristic anthropology (the doctrine of man).
The Church considers the appearance of any kind of passions as a distortion of human essence after a person has committed the act of sin. Christian teaching says that there is one main reason for committing sins - human selfishness, that is, the feeling of a person’s incorrect love for himself. It is from here that all human passions and vices begin to grow.
Prodigal passion is no exception.
Please note that the words “fornication” and “to get lost”, “to wander” have the same root. And this means that when a person falls into fornication, he begins to wander far from the Truth. Having allowed a vicious fornication passion into himself, a person inevitably commits not only physical, but also spiritual fornication, as a result of which he moves away and is alienated from the Creator.
The Almighty in His parables reveals to people the sacred secrets of spiritual life and the Kingdom of Heaven. Those who have read the Bible know the parable of the prodigal son. It examines bodily and spiritual fornication and subsequent repentance. The parable, in the literal and figurative senses, demonstrates to us the main meaning of fornication (that is, wandering away from oneself, from the Creator and true love).
The Lord created man in his own image and likeness and endowed him with various gifts. Thus, people have the power of speech, the power of reason and high feelings. Man has truly colossal capabilities and power.
But the problem is, does he really always spend his energy on the right things?
Patristic anthropology says that a person has only two paths. One of them is to be adopted by God. And the second is to indulge oneself, to succumb to one’s passions and whims, and this is the path that leads to the death of a person’s soul.
How is fornication related to pride?
We have already written about the fact that the process of the emergence of any passions is the result of the Fall. To explain it differently, the moment a person decides to do without the Lord, begins to put himself in his place, he is overwhelmed with pride, vanity and self-deception - all these are signs of a distortion of our nature.
It turns out that each of human passions is a consequence of pride - a person’s arrogant intention to arrange his life independently, without divine intervention.
All passions have a close connection with each other and have a mutual influence on each other. For example, the passion of fornication is a consequence of pride. How does this mechanism work?
The priests are convinced that if the Almighty allowed the Devil to have complete power over a person, then the demons would simply tear people to pieces. But the merciful Lord allows the devil’s power to act on a person only to the extent that he is able to resist it and resist temptation.
When a person is subject to the passion of pride (which is blinding), he ceases to see pride in himself and the Lord, in order to pacify him, allows the demon of fornication to attack him. And only by enduring this destructive passion, which is always felt by a person and always torments him, does a person realize that he is proud.
According to the opinion of the holy fathers, the demon of fornication has power over a person solely for the purpose of pacifying pride, because it is such a disgusting vice that everyone tries to hide it, is ashamed of it and does not stick it out. Although today fornication is becoming more and more popular in its various forms and people are even beginning to be proud and exalted about it.
It turns out that we can observe a close connection between the demon of fornication and the demon of pride. But the Almighty does not always quickly free a person from the passion of fornication in order to prevent the development of pride - the most dangerous of all passions.
Suffering from the passion of fornication, a person begins to understand that this vice often indicates his pride or desire to condemn other people.
We can observe a wonderful example from the revelation of the clergyman Paisius the Holy Mountain. He talks about how he once faced a strong temptation with the passion of fornication. He set himself the goal of eliminating this temptation at all costs: he began reading prayers. However, the abuse not only did not stop, but began to intensify even more.
At some point, Paisius suddenly remembered that he had recently condemned a woman who also suffered from fornication. And his condemnation was quite severe. Then he could not even imagine how powerful this passion was and, probably, within himself he began to rise above it. As soon as this episode appeared in his memory, he sincerely repented that he had judged the woman unfairly and his passion immediately left him.
This is a great example of how God gives us passion to keep us from being proud. It is designed to call for humility and repentance and save a person from the sin of judging his neighbors.
What psychologists say about the passion for fornication
Having dealt with the opinion of the clergy regarding the passion of fornication, let’s move on to what psychologists think about this sin.
Psychologists say that often one problem actually has completely different roots. For example, parents come to a psychologist and complain that their child is behaving badly, but in reality they themselves do not give him any free will. Or a person complains that everyone is treating him unfairly, although in reality he himself does not pay due attention to other people.
The same thing happens with the passion of fornication. When does the specialist begin practical work with the patient, he often finds a whole series of completely different reasons and violations, problems.
When considering sexual addiction, it should be noted that it has existential spiritual components - a deep unconscious fear of death, repressed by a feeling of inner devastation, inner loneliness.
It happens that completely different violations occur:
- different types of psychological childhood trauma;
- sexual abuse (if it occurred in adolescence);
- bad, pathological relationships in the child’s family.
All the factors described above begin to “throw” a person into dependence on sex, because in this way he tries to look for a kind of “anesthesia” for himself, an illusory consolation. In reality, of course, he does not receive any consolation, but only begins to fall deeper and deeper into this addiction, losing healthy and correct life guidelines.
The passion for fornication is actually a much more fundamental problem than just addiction to sex. It has a significant connection with the spiritual sphere of the individual. Fornication is a kind of departure, an escape of a person from something, in some cases - a search for a false goal.
The personality begins to wander, trying to find something, his soul is in tossing, but he is looking in the wrong place, and therefore finds nothing.
This applies not only to fornication, but also to other passions. The main goal of every passion is to take possession of a person at all levels: physical, mental and spiritual. It is by the spiritual level that one can determine a person’s connection with the Creator.
Therefore, fighting passion does not simply mean eliminating lustful thoughts from your head, as many may mistakenly think. This means fighting for a person’s personality, for his improvement, in the Christian religion - for the salvation of the souls of the righteous.
If a person turns to a psychologist for help, then his task will be not simply to indicate a means of confronting a given passion, but to guide the person in such a way that he begins to reveal his most best properties soul, learned to fully accept myself. Then, ultimately, through such self-disclosure, all lustful thoughts will disappear from thoughts.
The fight against fornication according to the church
The clergy say that the first stage of the fight against fornication should be abstinence in food (as indicated in the Holy Scripture: “You must punish your thoughts with poverty of food, so that your thoughts are occupied with hunger, and not fornication”).
This means fasting will be required, since the testimonies of the holy fathers indicate that the passion for fornication arises precisely as a result of gluttony. “The pillar stands firmly on its foundation, and in the same way, fornication rests on satiety” (saying of Neil of Sinai). Alcohol abuse will also pose a particular danger.
After all, under the influence of alcohol, a person, firstly, is not able to give a sober assessment of his actions and control his desires.
Secondly, it is alcoholic drinks that can inflame the passion of lust. You don't need to look too long for examples of this. It’s not for nothing that many sexual adventures happen far from being sober. Moreover, here we are not only talking about lost control, because it often happens that in a state of alcoholic intoxication a person is capable of doing things that would not even occur to him on a sober head.
Although it still depends on the amount you drink. It is no secret that at a certain stage of alcohol intoxication, sexual desire basically disappears and the act of copulation becomes completely unattractive or even impossible. In this case, the demon of fornication is replaced by the demon of despondency.
Fornication provokes the development of many other sins and bad deeds, namely:
- prodigal irritation;
- prodigal sensations and the situation in which the heart and soul of a person find themselves;
- accepting unclean thoughts, talking with them, enjoying them, indulging them and procrastinating in them;
- fornication and captivity;
- failure to preserve feelings, especially touch, which is the most important insolence that can destroy all virtues;
- foul language and reading voluptuous literature.
To achieve success in the fight against the passion for fornication, you will need, first of all, a clearly formed intention.
The first thing you need is to clarify and strengthen your motivation. And for this you will need to answer several questions. And this must be done in writing:
- Think about how wonderful you will feel after overcoming prodigal passion (relationships with girls will be established, in the future it will be possible to create a strong, happy family, get rid of anxiety and tension, become more joyful and freer inside).
- For what reasons do you not want to eliminate this passion (for example, you don’t believe that everything will work out, you will need to spend too much time fighting, which you don’t have enough, you will have to do more of your inner life, and you don’t know how to do this).
- Describe the consequences that this passion is fraught with (for example, the fear of being alone, that you will not be able to create a stable relationship, a family, that you are increasingly isolating yourself from others, you are used to getting rid of tension and anxiety using this method and have no idea how to do it can be done in another way).
- How firm is your decision to eliminate fornication?
- Mobilize all your will and be sure to ask the Almighty for help.
It is extremely important that you establish your motivation, because it will give you a boost of strength and energy that will help you cope with failures and mistakes. We need energy so that we never give up, but continue to work on ourselves.
You must have sufficient patience, and also always remember that only God's help will support you in this difficult matter. And then you will certainly achieve success.
In conclusion
In conclusion, it is necessary to say that passion in absolutely any form (this means not only fornication) ends in lack of freedom and internal slavery. If you open New Testament, then in it we find the words of the Apostle Paul: “You are brothers, called to freedom!”
A person often does not know how to adequately manage his freedom and does not understand the true value of this feeling. Then he begins to replace freedom with self-will, finding himself imprisoned in the slavery of sins.
The Christian religion is the opportunity granted to a person to gain freedom with the help of Jesus Christ.
“The truth will be revealed to you and through the truth you will gain freedom.”
Therefore, if a person wants to achieve a sustainable result in eliminating his passion, then he should work and actively develop his Christian worldview.
If a person does not have a rooted Christian consciousness, he will not be able to solve this problem. Since society is mostly sinful, sin is a powerful factor that gives rise to all types of temptations.
The process of becoming a true Christian is never quick, and often it becomes very difficult and painful - like any birth. In this case, a new personality is born in Christ.
Thanks to Orthodox Church a person can repent of the sins he has committed. And this great opportunity revision of one’s actions, thoughts and feelings, which allows one to avoid the temptation to find oneself in a similar situation again, but at the same time does not allow the development of despondency and melancholy from the awareness of one’s sinfulness.
Every person always has the right to choose - either to die hungry in a foreign land, herding pigs, like the prodigal son, or to return to his Father’s house.
Many say that it is impossible to restrain our sinful inclinations, because we are already born with them. But I will tell you that this is not necessary. If we are forced to restrain ourselves, it only means that we are still sinners and have not made the decision to benefit from the righteousness of Christ. God does not invite us to fight sin on our own. The secret of victory is that it is the love of God that displaces the love of sin from our hearts, and vice versa. When we become righteous, our attitude towards sin changes; sin is no longer attractive to us and we are not attracted to it.
This is the same as a smoker having difficulty restraining himself from smoking, but this is only as long as he remains a smoker. This is not difficult for an ordinary person; he doesn’t even need to restrain himself, because he simply doesn’t want to smoke. It is also difficult for a drunkard to restrain himself, but only as long as he remains a drunkard, but a teetotaler does not bother with this, because for him it is not a problem, for him drinking is disgusting and this is his natural state. It is difficult for an adulterer to keep himself in check and his thoughts in the right direction, but this is only as long as he remains an adulterer. For the righteous, not thinking about debauchery is the norm. So it is precisely this state that we will strive for.
Victory over sin has already been achieved, and God wants to give it to each of us. We can become winners if we accept this victory from the hands of Christ by faith and begin to use it. In other words, our victory over sin is possible only through action our faith. If there is no action, there will be no victory. We need knowledge for motivation, to encourage us to action: resistance to sin and maintaining the positions we have achieved.
The development of fornication and porn addiction, like any other addiction in the human heart, occurs according to the following scenario, and goes through seven stages of development. But in this article we will look at exactly this dependence:
- The reason for any addiction is a gaping emptiness that has appeared in the heart, which only God can fill, and an irresistible need to fill it with some kind of substitute for God.
It is formed when we we decide live without God.
- When we look to sin and restrain indignation, a gradual adaptation to sin and internal agreement with it occurs in our hearts.
“When you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss begins to gaze into you.” Seeing depravity, we gradually begin to imagine ourselves in their place and experience the same feelings.
- A trigger is developed that launches our sinful fantasy, leading to excitement.
Seeing a naked woman taught us develop thought, what could happen next according to our scenario. Our brain completes the picture and launches associations, and at this time our body begins automatic preparation for the expected event.
- Appears irresistible desire finish what you started.
It seems that if we have already sinned a little, then nothing terrible will happen if we go a little further and finish what we started.
Moral forces disappear somewhere, melt away before our eyes, and in their place an irresistible craving for easy pleasure appears.
- Frequently repeated thoughts or actions develop a habit or a reflex, and addiction appears.
When we often do something, we begin to skip some difficult routine moments, as if skipping them on the fly, jumping over them, such as rethinking our actions, making a decision to do or not do something, and why.
- Storerooms are being formed, so that later we can return to the same thing as quickly as possible.
Usually the best, the most exquisite things that the heart has become attached to and that are so difficult to get rid of go there. We hide it from everyone so that no one finds it and calm ourselves down: let it lie there for a while, I don’t use it yet, it’s so unnoticeable escape routes are being formed.
- Excitement saturation works as a principle-destroying mechanism, erasing edges permitted.
In pursuit of pleasure, we begin to move the line from impermissible to acceptable, because the previous one has already begun to become boring, has become a habit and does not give as much pleasure as before. We begin to justify sin: why we do this or why. At this stage it happens stage of further decline and pushing back the boundaries of what is permitted - further destruction of internal principles.
But this is not a sentence. Jesus says, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32). “The Lord God is truth” (Jer. 10:10).
Victory over fornication and porn addiction occurs in the reverse order:
1. The question "why" is often more important than the question "how". Work on restoring principles, and acquiring the motive to adhere to these principles.
To overcome sin and addiction, it is necessary to understand that “everyone is tempted, being drawn away and enticed by his own lust” (James 1:14). " Lust- this is a vicious desire." Infatuation and seduction of consciousness comes from answers to the questions: “why am I doing this? or why? and what does this give me? and contains the power of desire itself, which suppresses our will.
Abandoning sin and addiction does not require willpower. God gave man free will, and he has the right to dispose of it. The Creator respects our freedom and does not show violence, and therefore does not dominate our will, and will not do for us what we are obliged to do ourselves.
Will- This determination, a conscious desire to achieve a goal.
Willpower directly depends on the strength of desire. Therefore, the beginning of liberation from sin and addiction comes from the desire to leave it. At this stage the answers are formed: why or why do I want to get rid of him. The answers to these questions should awaken in us a strong desire to get rid of sin, a stronger desire than the desire to sin, because our desire cannot be overcome by anything or anything other than another stronger desire.
It is important to remember that if there is no desire, then there is no incentive to act, and therefore most of the victory depends on this stage, all other steps are just finishing touches.
So, let’s ask ourselves the question: “Where do righteous desires come from?” And here one cannot do without God because: “It is God who works in you both to will and to do according to [His] good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). Therefore, in prayer we turn to Him: “God grant me the desire to leave the sin of fornication and porn addiction (or any other attachment).”
Only God can have true victory over sin and addiction, and He is ready to give it to everyone who asks Him. It happens that God gives victory to those who know nothing about Him, but those who know and try to do without Him will be defeated.
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matt. 10:28).
Scripture says that you can lose your soul: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it; What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? or what ransom will a man give for his soul?” (Matt. 16:25,26)
God says: “love.” He doesn’t say: “wait until you have feelings,” and what kind of feelings can there be for enemies? Therefore, love is a principle. A person who does not know how to love is called a soulless person - a person who has lost his soul. After all, the totality of principles constitutes our character.
Honor, love and soul are interrelated concepts, and they are all based on principles. An unprincipled person is also called characterless, and such a person has nothing to save. This is why it is necessary to develop correct principles in life.
Dependency is putting yourself at the mercy of someone or something as a result of abandoning personal responsibility.
The desire to break a prohibition produces fear, which is often confused with excitement. Both are not sins within the limits of what is permitted. Fear stops us from rash actions. Excitement adds color to our lives and brightens up our relationships. But just as paints that have no boundaries mix and turn into dirt, so relationships that are not limited by the boundaries of decency become criminal and ugly. Therefore, in order for our life to be as beautiful as an elegant painting, let’s draw some boundaries in it:
One woman is made for only one man and vice versa. And the first principle says: one man - one woman.
The second principle is don't steal. Virginity is synonymous with honesty and honor. See article: "". Virginity is not lost, it is given away. Whoever has sex with a girl outside of marriage deprives her of honor and dignity, dishonors her and himself, deprives her of self-respect and steals the future from both her and himself.
The third principle is not to kill. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body of the soul; but fear those who kill both soul and body. The fornicator destroys, kills not only his own soul but also the soul of the one with whom he commits adultery. When a girl has sex, sinning with each new partner, she loses part of her soul and her heart stops loving. Many of them subsequently state: “I feel like a used piece of meat.”
Fourth principle: do not covet what belongs to others. Do not allow lustful thoughts to corrupt your mind and feelings and do not lead others into temptation. It is always easier to push someone into an abyss than to pull them out of it.
Do not desecrate. The first sexual contact in a woman’s life leaves a certain imprint on her.
No hand can compare with the body of a loved one. No crutch can replace what is natural.
God has provided that pleasure is a reward for hard work. If we start stealing rewards, then soon it will cease to bring us pleasure.
Stop and think, decide on your desires: “Do you want to be guided by the principles of love that God offers you?”
“Love is long-suffering, it is kind, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, does not act rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:4-8)
Think the same way: “why do you want to do this and not otherwise?”
And here is my example of “why”. Because:
I want an eternal relationship, not a temporary one. I want not to waste myself on trifles, but to be with my loved one forever, forever.
I want to be clean, honest and not be ashamed later. I want to have dignity and self-respect, respect others and be respected.
I want to love and be loved, not just used.
I want to be faithful and not be betrayed.
I want to live and enjoy life, and not steal pleasures.
I want to be healthy mentally and physically, mentally and spiritually.
I do not want to be an instrument in the hands of Satan bringing pain, guilt and regret to others.
I want God to be pleased with me.
2. Decisive destruction of storerooms or escape routes.
Many people wonder: How did the Romans manage to conquer large and strong states with such invincible tenacity? Why did they fight and not lose battles when it seemed the numerical superiority was not on their side? Very often they won not even because their army was better equipped or more seriously trained. The secret of their victory lay in the motivation of the warriors: they did not leave themselves a path to retreat. When they crossed the river, they burned the bridges behind them on the manholes of all the soldiers, and each of them understood that there were only two ways left: to die or to win, and they walked and won.
A spare is perhaps the most expensive thing you have, something your heart is attached to, something you leave for the very last moment somewhere in a secluded corner, thinking what if it’s a good ride. But it is he who acts as an anchor, not allowing you to go further, he constantly pulls you and your thoughts back. You need to firmly break with your past and get rid of everything that may even indirectly remind you of it. Let the words of David: “I will not put anything indecent before my eyes,” become your motto.
3. Addiction is not a death sentence. Breaking old habits and forming new ones.
A habit or addiction is formed or broken in just 21 days.
The main thing is to overcome the critical period or, as it is also called in the treatment of addicts, the withdrawal period. During this time, the body gets used to living without sex, after which it will not require any extra effort.
For example, if you keep picking at a sore, it will never heal. And if you don’t touch it, then after a while you’ll forget about it. This physiological feature body - than less people has sex, the less he wants, but it doesn’t work right away.
The easiest way to do this is when you change one habit for another. And here self-development, finding interests and doing what we love can help us.
4. Thought precedes action. Working on thoughts. Restoration of moral strength.
Losing the fight against sin, the sinner begins to hate himself (I never want to see it again). This condition drives many to suicide. Therefore, at this stage we begin the stage of self-acceptance.
It is very important to create a mental image ideal person who we would like to become.
Begin to accept yourself not as an orphan left to perish in sins and illnesses, but as a child of God, deeply loved and respected, whose freedom God values, and whose undermined moral strength He is ready to support even at the cost of His life.
We can't stop birds from flying over our heads, but we can stop them from building nests on our heads. It's the same with thoughts. We have the power to prevent bad thoughts from entering our heads, but we can disagree with them and prevent them from taking root there.
Ideally, we need to stop thinking about what attracts us to sin. But sometimes it comes across intrusive thought, which is not easy to get rid of. AND best way to stop thinking about it is to move on to something else and start thinking about something else. And it will help us with this practical acceptance of righteousness in Christ . He bequeathed to us something that we ourselves would never have been able to achieve, but not so that this gift would lie somewhere on a shelf, but so that we would use it. And for this let's move on to the practical task:
First of all, try to imagine yourself in such a state as if you had never sinned before God.
Secondly, try to feel this state, what it is like in itself, and how do you feel?
And thirdly, try to stay in this state for as long as possible.
5. Fantasy is a tool that you need to learn to use.
“And Adam and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed” (Gen. 2:25). If Adam and Eve had not sinned, then all people, like them, would not have worn clothes and, like the Papuans, would not have been embarrassed by each other. They would get used to seeing it and would treat it as normal.
Sin begins with mental agreement with it, therefore, it is very important to be honest with yourself so as not to feed lust and not inflame it with sinful fantasies, that is, fantasies where we agree with sin.
As long as we are indignant at sin, as long as sin does not silence us, as long as we persuade the sinner not to sin, even mentally, we stand on the right side.
The struggle will end when we stop resisting, when we decide to give up, and only we decide when this happens. The war is not lost as long as there is resistance, and therefore continue to resist sin with all your soul, with all your thoughts and with all your strength, and may you gain victory.
“When I say to the wicked, “You will die!”, and you do not admonish him and speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way so that he may live, then that wicked will die in his iniquity, and I will require his blood at your hands. . But if you admonished the wicked, and he did not turn from his iniquity and from his wicked way, then he will die in his iniquity, but you have saved your life” (Ezek. 3:18,19).
We can wait years for the right opportunity to express ourselves, but at that very moment we may not be ready. Our fantasies can speed up the process of either our fall or recovery.
6. What you look at and imitate. What we most often look at is gradually transformed.
The passion for pornography arose from another psychological disorder- craving for peeping. It is precisely the possibility of spying on people with impunity sex scenes was the reason for the emergence of such a complex, difficult-to-eradicate problem.
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord” (2 Cor. 3:18).
“Finally, my brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, if there is any excellence or if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8). When we think about this, our mind's eye is drawn to that which is purely holy and perfect.
Imagine that your attention is a spotlight that you direct to highlight this or that picture, and no one but you can control it. At first it will be difficult to direct it in the right direction, but over time, when the rotating mechanism develops, control will become easier and more obedient.
7. Basic solution: Who is your God?
All the work done so far, although it will give results, will not last long if it does not fill the emptiness of the heart intended for God.
“In order to have spiritual life and strength, we must be in living fellowship with our Heavenly Father. Our thoughts can be turned to Him. We can meditate on His works, His mercy and blessings, but this is not yet communication with Him in the full sense of the word. To have a real connection with God, we need to open our hearts to Him, tell Him about our lives.Open your daily needs, joys and sorrows, worries and fears to Godyour sorrows and misunderstandings, misfortunes that may befall you, anxieties that trouble your soul, everything that confuses or excites you, your inner world, in general, open your whole life before Him! You will not tire or burden Him with this.
In prayer we open our hearts to God as a friend. This is necessary not because God does not know who we are, but to help us accept Him. Prayer does not bring God closer to us, but brings us closer to God..
Let us also not think only about our needs and forget about the benefits we receive. Everything with which we are enriched should bind us with ties of love and gratitude to the heavenly Giver of all blessings.
The relationship between God and each person is as definite and complete as if that person were the only soul on earth for whom Heavenly Father cares and for whom He gave His beloved Son.
God does not want His children, for whose sake the great feat of salvation was accomplished, to treat Him as if He were a demanding, demanding Master. Our God best friend. When we gather for worship, He wants to be with us, to bless and comfort us, to fill our hearts with joy and love. The Lord desires that serving Him should not be a heavy burden for His children, but that it should bring them pleasure and comfort. He wants those who come to the place of His worship to be able to carry away precious thoughts of God's care and love, so that from this fellowship they may draw cheerfulness and strength for their daily work, and, having received His grace, may act honestly and faithfully in all things.
We should remember every blessing we receive from God. And when we realize His boundless love, we will willingly give everything into those hands that were nailed to the cross for us” (The Path to Christ chapter 7).
