Why doesn't God give everyone a daughter? Why and for what sins does God not give children to a woman?
If the Lord God does not bless you to have children, eradicate the sins presented in the list. Give yourself the opportunity to understand them.
Christ does not want us to be sad.
And he gives children to those who deserve it, have suffered to a certain extent, or have worked off the karmic mistake of their distant ancestors.
Let it be paganism, but we are talking about sinfulness.
Here is a small list for you to analyze that will help you understand possible reasons God's disagreement with the birth of children.
1). Try to at least partially restore the family tree of your husband.
In the event that most of your ancestors did not have children or decided to have numerous abortions, beg God for forgiveness - and he will give you children.
2). How often do you swear?
It would seem like a trifle, but “pot-bellied”.
Swearing and abuse, as well as bitter envy, are the most important sins that interfere with childbearing.
Eradicate them, and the Lord God will send you grace in the form of healthy children.
3). Sins associated with witchcraft and black magic.
Perhaps you once sinned with a love spell (your own husband or beloved boyfriend).
For these sins, God not only opposes conception, but also terribly punishes them with deep sorrow and illness.
A child cannot be born in a marriage that is held together by conspiracy bonds.
Go to church, repent of your sins - after a while you will be babysitting a child.
4). Sinful acts against other people's children.
Remember, perhaps you offended an innocent child.
Tell Father about this, he confesses this sin.
5). If the Lord God does not give children, then it is time to take a step along the Orthodox path.
Since you are reading this article, it means you believe in Christ.
Involve yourself in the Christian life, go to Temple, pray, confess and repent.
When the suffering ends, God will send you a son or daughter.
6). Donate what you can to orphanages. Give alms to the poor.
7). Stop abusing alcoholic beverages.
As soon as you cope with this temptation, God will give you strong children.
8). Think about it own life. Perhaps you are not ready to have a baby yet.
That is why the Lord does not give you consent.
9). Forgive those who offended, betrayed or insulted you.
By forgiving others, you become closer to God, getting rid of sinful vengeance and rancor.
10). Do good things to people selflessly and sincerely.
This universal advice, perhaps, will become the most basic.
When you stop complaining, getting angry, chasing wealth, and freely pursuing pleasures, God will give you happy children, taking your destiny under reliable protection.
The material was prepared by me, Edwin Vostryakovsky.
When getting married and getting married, young people dream and hope that the Lord will bless them with seven children. But years pass, five, ten years... and the long-awaited pregnancy does not occur. What to do in such a situation? What to do? It is clear that, first of all, pray for the children, but is there anything else that needs to be done, is it necessary to turn to help? modern medicine? And are all the medical technologies that have become lately very popular, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), acceptable for Orthodox Christians? The pastors of the Russian Church answer.
The main thing for a Christian is a righteous life
We are not told that in the case of a childless union we must necessarily “do something.” As a natural consequence of the carnal intimacy of spouses, they bring worries and joys, plans and disappointments, sacrificial service and consolations into their lives. mutual love. However, the main task of our life - the acquisition of eternal salvation - does not significantly depend on the presence or absence of children, which means, with all human dispositions towards their birth, the main feeling should remain trust in the Providence of God, in whose jurisdiction all our earthly things, independent of us, remain circumstances.
Many holy people were not born immediately and from elderly parents. In this case, they begged God and were literally praying children; at the same time, the passion of youth was not transmitted to those born from elderly parents.
Artificial insemination technologies are a gross invasion of the sacrament of childbirth
If God does not give a family children, we need to hope, not despair, and wait patiently. Today many people are not very healthy, and therefore it happens that even after several years of marriage there are no children. We must pray and fast. Pray righteous Joachim and Anna, Peter and Fevronia. Make pilgrimage trips - to or to other places.
A spouse's long absence of children is a test of their feelings, a test of how much they love each other.
A spouse's long absence of children is a test of their feelings, a test of how much they love each other, because when everything is easy for a person, everything is given to him for free, he does not value it too much. And when people are connected by some common misfortune, they become closer to each other, begin to love each other especially sensitively, having overcome this misfortune.
As for IVF, which is presented as a treatment for infertility. Artificial insemination is a gross invasion of the sacrament of conception, the sacrament of childbirth. And we know that the Council of Bishops in 2000 prohibited Orthodox Christians from resorting to this technology, although some in this prohibition slyly see the opportunity to resort to some kind of artificial conception. But the decisions of the Council clearly state that all varieties are unacceptable from the Orthodox point of view. in vitro fertilization, involving the procurement, preservation and subsequent destruction of embryos. During artificial insemination, embryos are always destroyed - that is, they are killed.
Let me briefly remind you what the essence of this technology is. Superovulation is stimulated in a woman in order to immediately receive large number eggs, sometimes even up to 20; The best ones are selected from them, fertilized with the husband's seed and placed in a special incubator for several days. Then some (always several) are transplanted into the uterus, others are frozen, and can later be used by the same married couple and others. This is a conveyor belt for producing children. And there’s a lot of money swirling around here: one try with everyone related procedures costs at least 150 thousand rubles in Moscow. And, for example, people came to me who made 10-15 attempts. And to no avail. Because IVF does not give 100% results! This is a business based on human grief, not infertility treatment.
During artificial insemination, embryos are always destroyed - that is, they are killed
Now let’s ask ourselves: what happens if all the embryos transplanted into the uterus begin to develop? After all, several of them are being implemented at once, so that there is more likely their take root, because not all of them take root... What happens when several take root? “Extra” embryos are reduced, that is, removed surgically- perform abortions. So during IVF, fertilized embryos, which are already babies with a soul, are destroyed. And it turns out that a person going for IVF is going for an abortion.
There is such a crafty trick: in some medical centers"IVF for believers" is offered. It is proposed not to transfer several embryos and then remove some of them, but to perform gentle superovulation, obtain a small number of embryos and transfer them. But this does not change the essence of the matter.
A person going for IVF is essentially going for an abortion.
IVF technology is completely godless. A person takes on the function of the Lord God, interferes with what should mysteriously happen in the mother’s body.
Another question: why should fertilized embryos develop in an incubator for several days? Here's why. To find out if there are any pathologies, mainly genetic. And there is an order signed by the Minister of Health, according to which, if there is a danger of developing pathologies, the embryo should not be transplanted. Such an embryo is killed.
Not to mention the fact that with IVF there are many more miscarriages and many more missed pregnancies. And many more premature babies are born.
Unfortunately, there are very few statistical studies on the health of children born through IVF. Why? Because this is a business, a corporate conspiracy. There is data, but it is not disclosed. But something is becoming known. Thus, Academician Altukhov, a famous geneticist, Orthodox man, testifies: almost 20% of IVF children have mental pathologies.
Another problem: in nature, when an egg enters the mother’s uterus, it is greeted by a million sperm, but only one is attached - the “strongest,” so to speak. But IVF can be done even with a very weak husband’s seed. And if the seed material is not very good good quality, what will the children be like?
So the Orthodox way is this: pray, wait. And if the Lord does not send a child, do as they have done for centuries in Rus' and other countries - take in an orphan child or orphanage.
We must accept God's Providence
There are secrets of Divine care for people, they are incomprehensible. When Rachel, the wife of the patriarch Jacob, who had no offspring, reproached her husband: “Give me children, otherwise I die,” Jacob replied: “Am I God, who did not give you the fruit of the womb?” (Gen. 30:1-2).
If the Lord does not provide children, then first of all we must turn to Him. Children were often served after fervent prayers, fasting and almsgiving. The Lord tests parents whether they are ready to accept a child precisely as God’s gift, and not as a product of the latest medical technologies.
Among Russian women who are unable to conceive a child, 70% suffered due to abortion
Of course, there are many shades to the topic raised. Sometimes it is the result of the sins of the parents’ youth. One of the statistics says that among Russian women who are unable to conceive a child, 70% suffered due to abortion. Some types of contraception also have a detrimental effect on childbearing. In such cases, a person deprived himself of the opportunity to bear children. It turns out to be such an absurdity - first a person does everything possible so that he does not have children, and then he is ready to turn to anything, for example, surrogacy, just to get a child. Such people need, first of all, repentance, to rid themselves of the sinful causes of infertility, and then as the Lord will provide.
There is a different situation: the spouses tried to live according to the commandments of God, but for health reasons they cannot conceive. In such situations, you need, of course, to be treated, to try possible natural remedies, but end result entrust into the hands of God.
In general, each case is individual. From a small pastoral practice I can say that a confessor often sees that it is more beneficial for a particular person to be alone than to have a child, but for another it would be better to have children and dissolve entirely in sacrificial care for them. Some people cannot take a child from an orphanage because they lack patience and basic affection and love. And for some, an adopted stranger’s child becomes so dear that the blessing of God overshadows such a family and reigns in it. home comfort. I even observed situations where women who did not have a successful family took children from an orphanage, not just one, but two at once - a brother and a sister, and these women became wonderful mothers. Of course, the absence of a father takes its toll, but these children have a mother, and this is joy and happiness.
I'll tell you the story of one of my friends. Her name is Evgenia. She got married at 25, and for five years they had no children. I consulted doctors, went to a family planning center, which was literally overflowing with women suffering from infertility. Evgenia saw that often the search for a diagnosis and treatment entails a huge waste of money, but as a result nothing happens, and then doctors offer IVF. Having become acquainted with the IVF technique, she realized that she could not resort to this; a protest arose inside, although she had not yet been a churchgoer. The fact is that IVF is gross manipulation of human life: embryos are harvested, preserved, and the excess ones are simply destroyed, that is, the same abortion occurs. Evgenia learned that there are cases when, after a long period of infertility, someone received miraculous healing in the temple. So she came to the idea that only God gives children. Through her infertility, Evgenia came to faith, and her husband was also baptized. She herself confessed and received communion. I read penitential canons, prayers for children.
After the holy spring, she had a dream: she was carrying a basket in which a child lay
Somehow she found out about the Borovsky Monastery, which has a font, and many said that if you take a dip there, illnesses go away. When she and her husband made a pilgrimage and managed to take a dip, then two weeks later she already had positive test for pregnancy. Before that, I couldn’t get pregnant for five years! And after the holy spring she had a dream: she was carrying a basket in which a child lay; she asks, “What’s your name?” - he answered: “Daniel.” And during examinations and ultrasounds they told her that she was having a girl. But a boy was born and he was named Daniel.
When Daniel had already gone to kindergarten, one day she felt bad and started bleeding. It turned out that she was pregnant, but had a miscarriage. The doctors talked about a complication and the need for some kind of operation, they said that now she would definitely never give birth, unless through IVF. Evgenia went to her confessor, who, after praying, said: “I think that there is no need to have an operation, but I bless you for a daughter.” Exactly a month later she became pregnant - the doctors were shocked. A daughter was indeed born, and they named her Anastasia. Evgenia herself firmly understood that children are from God, which means that one must turn to God first of all.
In general, every deed is truly good only when it is consistent with the will of God. But God’s will is not determined as quickly as we would like. If the spouses diligently turn to the Lord in their prayers and coordinate their desires with their confessor, God’s will will nevertheless be revealed to them, and then it will be clear what is right for them: to expect miraculous grace-filled help, to undergo treatment, or to take a child from an orphanage into the family .
You can’t be guided by emotions alone, you need prudence and prudence
Of course, the absence of children in the family is a reason to begin to spend your Christian life more seriously and soberly and to pray purely for the gift of children. Here you need to show a lot of patience, and it happens that the Lord rewards this patience and constancy in good deeds, so that children are born into the family even after three, five or more years of “infertility.” This is great joy and great mercy! And parents who conceived and gave birth to a child in such difficult circumstances truly know high price and the meaning of fatherhood and motherhood. If only they didn’t “settle on their laurels” and turn their valuable child into some kind of idol, a statue around which the whole world revolves. This should not happen, and this can even be called a crime against God, because the Lord does not give a child in order to raise him to be an egoist who is used to thinking that he is the navel of the earth and something completely special compared to “everyone else.” " That’s why it would be good if there were many children in the family...
With reasoning resort to medical care it is possible: God also created doctors and this profession exists for our benefit
But if there are no children and no children, even despite obvious efforts in maintaining piety and prayer, there always comes a moment when the family asks the question: where is the “line of expectation”? And what? Should I continue to live, completely and humbly relying on the Lord, or should I adopt children, or should I resort to medical help? I think, firstly, everything should be done with reasoning and spiritually, that is, with prayer and advice with the family confessor, again because people and circumstances are different. Someone, perhaps, needs to show extreme humility with patience (their faith allows them to do just that), for someone it will be right and good to go to doctors, undergo an examination and resort to their help with reason, because the Lord also created doctors and this profession exists for our benefit; it is not a sin to resort to the help of doctors. But this is where reasoning is needed, because we know that some modern methods"reproduction" is disgusting God's commandments. So here you need to be careful not to cross the line of what is permitted.
And for some families, in accordance with their location and well-being, perhaps the path opens up for the adoption of those unfortunate children who are deprived of paternal and maternal warmth and care. And we know families where there is not one, but several such adopted children, and they, together with their adoptive parents, form a real big family. This, of course, is God’s blessed work, but even here caution and prudence are needed so as not to be guided by emotions alone, which are often transitory, remembering that the decision to adopt is a great responsibility, so that “stepping back” will then be akin to the sin of betrayal. May the Lord protect us from this! Therefore, here too you need to consult with your confessor, pray firmly and soberly assess your strengths and capabilities.
Do everything only with the help and blessing of God
- “Put on the whole armor of God” (Eph. 6:11), the Apostle Paul tells us. Hope and wait patiently, pray and fast (but only after taking the blessing of the priest). And, of course, you can take a child from an orphanage. “And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me” (Matthew 18:5), the Lord tells us. But to do artificial insemination It’s not worth it, because it contradicts nature. The Lord gave us another natural way conception and birth of children, the one that is best for us.
There is no need to speed things up. After all, God gives us everything good, and, of course, children. And gives us in good time
And there is no need to speed things up by doing artificial insemination, because this is interference in Divine Providence. After all, God gives us everything good, and, of course, children. And he gives us everything in good time. That is, when it is necessary, when it is best. Because of our sinfulness and self-will, we often do not want to understand and accept this. And so in a hurry we try to do what the Lord is doing. And we always do incomparably worse than God. After all, our Heavenly Father is holy and infallible, but we are weak, blind and sinful.
Therefore, you do not need to do anything yourself, but only with the help and blessing of God, which is most often and mainly taught in the Church, including through the clergy.
The prophet Abraham and Sarah also did not have children for a long time, and God gave them a son - the righteous prophet Isaac. Moreover, at an age when it is no longer physiologically possible to have children. Also, to the righteous godfathers Joachim and Anna, the Most Holy Theotokos was born - “The most honorable Cherub and the most glorious without comparison Seraphim,” as the Holy Church sings to Her. And to the righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth John the Baptist was born. “Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not arisen a greater one than John the Baptist” (Matthew 11:11), the Lord tells us. And all because all their lives they lived according to the will of God, they always put the holy will of God above their human will and their human desires.
And we should also strive to do the same. And then future saints will be born among us, and we will live in holiness and see many miracles from the Lord. And we will see the main miracle - that God is an infinite, all-perfect, merciful Love that crucifies Himself and saves us. Leading us to eternal and endless joy in the Kingdom of Heaven with all the saints who have pleased God from the ages. Amen.
If the Lord does not give children, of course, it is necessary to turn to Him with fervent prayer. And the Church knows many examples when, in response to prayers, God gave a blessing and a child was conceived.
If there are no children in the marriage and the marriage is unmarried, it is necessary to get married. In all prayers of the Sacrament of Wedding, the Lord is asked for the good fortune and grace of raising children.
It would not be superfluous, as experience shows, to go on a pilgrimage to one of God’s saints. But just so that it doesn’t happen like this: “We’ll go to Matronushka, we’ll pray, and when the child is born, we’ll forget the way to the temple.” There is also a temptation here. If we turn to the Lord, then the prayer should look something like this: “Lord, give the child according to Your mercy, and we will dedicate our lives to You, and we will raise the child in Orthodoxy.” And if people’s thinking is structured in this way, the Lord, of course, will give His grace.
Childless all your life, or your first child appears many years later. But here's the paradox: many women get pregnant out of wedlock. It would seem like an irony of fate? No. There are nuances here that man does not know, but God knows. And he gives people only what is useful to them.
Let's discuss the topic of why God does not give children, give examples of childless couples, and briefly consider the sermons of the holy fathers and priests.
About Saints Joachim and Anna
Within church walls, many married couples ask the priest: “God doesn’t give us children. Why?" Only a perspicacious old man, a holy man, can answer this question clearly. What will an ordinary priest answer? If the priest is the spiritual mentor of a married couple, he knows that the wife did not have an abortion, the husband did not live with other women before meeting his wife, both led and lead a pious lifestyle, he probably only tells the story of Saints Joachim and Anna - parents - only as a consolation Holy Mother of God.
As life says, Joachim and Anna lived together for many years, lived with God, were pious, and But years and decades passed, the couple did not lose hope, they continued to tearfully ask the Lord. But as the Gospel says: “Ask, and it will be given to you,” Saint Anna became pregnant in old age. The couple could not believe the miracle. They thanked God endlessly. A girl was born - Maria. Throughout her childhood she was quiet, inconspicuous, did not communicate with anyone, did not play. Her childish soul was completely occupied with God. When she became older, the Archangel Gabriel came to her with a white lily and announced that she had been chosen by God to become the mother of Jesus Christ.
What is the meaning of this wonderful story? The parents prayed earnestly and asked God for a baby, the Lord sent them the Blessed Virgin.
Of course, if a modern couple has not had children for a very long time and they constantly ask the question: “Why doesn’t God give a child?”, and the fervent prayer of the husband and wife does not stop, then they will receive what they ask for. But this does not mean that the child will necessarily be pure and holy, like the Mother of God. At least it will be a begged child. Who knows, maybe he will connect his life with God and pray for the whole world in the future.
What the priests say
Any woman who wants to give birth to a child can approach the priest with the question: “Why doesn’t God give children?” A sermon, just advice or instruction will help you figure it out. But the most important thing is the will of God.
Miracles are often performed according to the faith of childless spouses: parents literally “bring back” their child from a pilgrimage trip, after long standing in line to see the relics and icon of St. Matronushka. But everyone's fate is different. The main thing is not to despair.
Orphans
There are a lot of children in Russia left without father and mother. All existing orphanages are overcrowded. Unfortunately, the kids do not live in ideal conditions. Few people are lucky enough to find themselves in a monastery shelter, where the attitude, education, and quality of life are very different from state institutions.
Can you guess why God sometimes doesn’t give children to a woman? Because he wants her to raise the orphan as her child, to become his own mother. After all, abandoned children also need parents, attention, and good upbringing.
If God never sent you children, think: isn’t it time for you to adopt children? Unfortunately, this procedure is not easy and is not available to everyone. You need to collect a lot of information, including a certificate of income from work.
Any difficulties are rewarded with victory. Pray to God Mother of God and beloved saints so that everything works out in the best possible way. There are many stories related to childless families, when God miraculously sends a child or several children at once.
About health and education
Does your health allow you to carry and give birth? Often the Lord protects women from trouble, death or mistake. Which one exactly? For example, a woman becomes pregnant. Then it turned out that she was strictly forbidden to give birth, even to bear a child. Both mother and child may die. Such cases in church life exist.
But there is also happy stories. You can tell about one priest’s family. The priest's wife is a very short(about 1 meter). As you know, short women are prohibited from giving birth, since the fetus will have nowhere to develop, and internal organs mothers will be crushed. What happened to the little mother? Together with their husband, they began to fervently pray to God so that healthy baby, but my mother survived. And so it happened, fortunately. The doctors were shocked. By the way, after a while the couple decided to have a second child.
As for another problem - education, this also has its own nuances. Can you raise a worthy person? Can you cope with difficulties? What was your upbringing like? Maybe you need to fix something in yourself.
Let's talk about why God gives sick children. There are many options here, everyone's fate is different. There is one story related to a dying boy. The mother sat near her son’s crib and cried bitterly. She began to fervently pray to God so that her son would survive. Suddenly she fell asleep and had a dream: her son grew up, did terrible things and was hanged. The Lord, through the angels, asked the suffering mother what she was choosing: heaven for her little son, who was dying, or hanging in shame in 20 years? The woman, unfortunately, chose the second. Everything came true. Her son was hanged as punishment for his crimes.
True, this story does not apply to yet, but it clearly describes the possible reasons why God does not give children at all. He wants to protect godly Christian spouses from sorrow. You can answer why God does not give a second child: for almost all the same reasons:
- poor parental health;
- avoiding trouble and sorrow;
- there is a risk of not being able to cope with both babies;
- poverty.
You need to be able to accept what God gives, and to be grateful for what God does not give. Remember the proverb: “Beware of your wishes - they tend to come true.” Why should we be afraid of them? Because they can be harmful.
I'm not married, but I want a baby!
Often priests hear strange words from women who are already slightly or well over thirty: “Father, age is running out, and I’m still alone. Bless me to give birth to a child from someone for myself.” Such a lady, unfortunately, does not know that the Lord does not want it when But nevertheless, they are born and even more often than in married couples. Here we can only answer that illegitimate mothers punished themselves.
This happens very often. The spouses ask: “Why doesn’t God give a child?” unmarried women they cry: “The Lord sent me a sick, disobedient person as punishment.” What can a parish priest do? Of course, talk to everyone in confession to try to understand what’s going on.
Why get married?
Wedding is a great sacrament; the Lord sanctifies marriage. The priest reads prayers, one of them relates to the birth of children.
Why doesn't God give a child to some spouses? Because they did not make a vow before God to be together always, they did not pray with the priest, and the Lord did not bless the marriage.
Are you sinful?
Often during confession it turns out that once upon a time one woman had several partners, became infected from one of them and cannot give birth, and another had an abortion. That is why God does not give children - sins, and very terrible ones. In order for spouses to have children, they need to live with God, with clear conscience, pray and believe.
When we were preparing one of the materials about having many children, we once again remembered the well-known proverb: “If God gives a child, then He also gives for a child.” And we thought: although it is folk wisdom, which means it has been proven for centuries, can we use it as an argument in a conversation about large families? Maybe everything is completely wrong and in large families the subsistence minimum is observed only by the most severe savings?
And then we decided to ask Internet users who visit Orthodox family communities on LiveJournal - is this true? We give their reviews below.
Dear readers, write to us in the comments about your experience!
Yuri: When we were planning to give birth to a son in the States, my faculty looked at us as if we were crazy: a postgraduate scholarship is sadistically balanced for one person, it’s already difficult to live with a wife dependent on her, and even with a child it’s completely impossible. And there is no possibility of part-time work - it is strictly prohibited with student immigration status and the university itself carefully monitors this ban. Not forgetting to also control the purchase of far from the cheapest medical insurance for dependents, which covered only about 2/3 of the also very expensive cost of childbirth... And all these expenses do not count the “usual” expenses for a child: a crib, stroller, diapers, moving to a warmer and more decent apartment. To an outside observer, the matter seemed hopeless.
However, somehow we managed - we took out loans, paid the hospital for the birth in installments, fought with insurance companies for every dollar, bought a lot of things in hand and second-hand, government benefits on housing and insurance (hiding from the university, which did not encourage such things for foreigners, although everything was fair from the law). Of course, it was hard, sometimes it seemed simply unbearable. However, we managed and everyone saw that having a child while studying in an American graduate school was quite feasible. This marked the beginning of a local faculty “baby boom”: a year after Petka’s birth, 3 more graduate student couples had children.
Elena, Yuri's wife: To what Yura said, we can add that we began our American part of life from a damp one-room basement, in which there were terrible drafts in the walls, pipes flowed from the ceiling in a slow trickle, in the rain the floor covered with carpet turned into a swamp, and mushrooms grew on the walls at such a speed that we did not have time to clean them off.
We didn’t know how to drive a car, and we didn’t have money for it.
In addition to all this, I had the most terrible toxicosis; such that for the first month and a half I could not leave the house.
When we went to the university clinic to ask for advice on what to do, we were silently handed a telephone directory, without any comment.
Now Petrunich is almost 6. And we live in a three-story house with a front garden. Petya speaks two languages and is learning a third.
Praise the Lord for everything we have been through! It was very strengthening and we met a lot of wonderful people through this journey!
Vadim: That's what happened to me. True, the money really appeared a little earlier - about six months after marriage. You can say money, work, then education, etc. “fell from the sky.” Before that, he was unemployed.
By the way, I was basically an unbeliever then and received faith about ten years later.
Ulyana: And here it was like this: the first one was born, my husband had a crisis at work and he stopped receiving a salary. This lasted 7 months. We made money. Then we slowly started to straighten out, but I had to go to work. Then, 2.5 years later, the second one was born. My husband is having a crisis at work again. I went to work again. And when the youngest was just over a year old, my husband fell ill with cancer. So it’s good that I didn’t quit my job. Now I seem to have recovered, but we live under the sword of Damocles.
Now there seems to be a lot of money, and everything is there, but there will be no more children. Third, if I had not given birth then, as God gives children, but had decided to wait until we had an apartment, a dacha, money, etc., then we would not have had children at all.
Elizabeth: For us, no matter how old it is, that’s how it was. True, with reservations – i.e. It’s not that we began to live much better and easier, but in proportion to the number of family members, our income has increased. Those. Everything is close to the same as it was, but there is enough for the main thing (food, payment for all kinds of utilities and garden sections). With clothes (especially for adults) it’s more complicated, but these are minor things.
Our first daughter was born 2 months after the default; we had nothing for the child, but everything appeared. True, used, old, but everything you need. When the second one was born, everything at work more or less stabilized for dad. And when the third one, he was fired, and we were without work for a month. But then, dad got a stable job.
In short, if we compare specifically, we live better now than when we had one child. I'm not sure if this is directly related to the birth of children. Perhaps this is due to us growing up, which is called “getting on our feet” :)) At the same time, we definitely do not have the opportunity to support our parents.
Elizabeth: It happened to us that before the birth of the child, me (a student) and my husband (a graduate student) were invited on a business trip for unusually high money to a university in the states (for my previous merits at the same university on a previous business trip and some incredibly kind attitude towards me ). Therefore, we managed to save some money so as not to be in poverty at all, however, I worked as a chemist while pregnant from 3 to 7 months, but it was easier there.
They gave us a lot of used children's clothes for free.
But it’s still difficult to make ends meet—it’s impossible without the help of your parents. They help us a LOT financially, because everything is very expensive in Moscow, and I can’t work. But my husband was also unexpectedly lucky. They found him a part-time job in the laboratory where he is a graduate student. However, although this sounds proud, we spend more than his salary on food per month.
Olga: During my pregnancy, my husband changed jobs.
things in large quantities Left to me from my nephew and friends.
The housing problem, albeit temporarily, has been resolved.
Xenia: Well, I wouldn’t see an automatic dependence here. Rather, the principle “fear has big eyes” or “the eyes are afraid, but the hands do the work” works. When you are faced with a choice or in the face of something new important fact, the consequences seem catastrophic. And then life goes on, you get used to the fact, the right choice gives you a feeling of confidence, and somehow everything turns out to be not so difficult and scary, new configurations and options arise that help you cope and that were not looked at in advance. There are, of course, obviously miraculous stories, but to think that this will happen in every case is naive.
Maria: I am the eldest of five parents, so I have something to say. To say that with the birth of everyone next situation I can’t improve. But everyone was always well-fed and dressed/shod. And it wasn’t so much that my father received enough money, but that people helped with clothes, food... There were very difficult moments, but somehow everything always worked out, or we came up with something. Of course, compared to small families, we had much less: used clothes, food without pickles, younger brother I haven’t seen the sea yet, the elders saw it only thanks to relatives, etc. But there was always mutual support and love, which helped to overcome all adversity and lack of something.
Tatiana: If there is a bunny, there will be a lawn. Before my pregnancy, we lived more or less in abundance, but by the time I gave birth, everything coincided so unsuccessfully that for the first year and a half we literally counted pennies. And then suddenly everything got better by itself.
Valentina: Absolutely confirmed with each of the three children!
Especially with the third one. When I became pregnant, my health was poor - four months before the start of pregnancy I suffered a mini-stroke. What saved me was that a month after it, I stopped taking pills and started working out, because I was already in good shape when I got pregnant.
The financial condition of the family was simply catastrophic. There was not enough food and there were monstrous debts.
I dreamed of a third child and was cloudlessly happy. I had reinforced concrete confidence that the Lord would not leave me. My husband spent nine months trying to figure out how we would survive.
I gave birth in September. By May, the main debts were distributed, and there was enough money even for cakes.
Moreover, no sparkling miracles happened. They didn’t give us a lot of money, we didn’t find any treasure. But they began to pay my husband regularly and more. And then they offered him another job with a promotion, which suited him in all respects. On the recommendation of my (very few during pregnancy) private students, such a crowd of people came running that from October to May I worked seven days a week, and the last student left at 21.30. Accordingly, I earned good money.
At the same time, we had time to communicate with the children (although less than we would like) and go to competitions.
Now I also cannot agree that I don’t have time to do anything except work and children. For example, I manage to train 3-4 times a week and run marathons (when there is snow). I need this to be “in good shape”, otherwise depression sets in from fatigue. The older children help me a lot. Well, there was money for a nanny.
True, I worry all the time that I don’t devote more time to the children, I’m always not giving them something. But I try my best, and then let’s see how it goes.
For me, this truth “If God gives a child, then He also gives for a child” is obvious. And triple checked. Moreover, He gives not only material opportunity, but also health and strength to parents. Also tested on myself.
Olga: There was no such thing. But there were no serious problems, we always lived the same way – we had enough to live on, no excesses – that’s how we live.
Julia: With our first child, we both worked in government agencies: there was only enough money for the simplest stroller; I sewed baby diapers myself; They gave us a broken crib “for free” at a children's fair. Apparently, this prompted my father to look for another job. By the time the child was one year old, they had already bought a used car.
With the second - dad already had normal work. The car was replaced with a new one. We were able to buy everything we needed.
With the third we will buy a house in the village...
So really financial problems are being decided. Not on their own, of course, but without any particular difficulties.
As for the costs for the children themselves, they decrease with each one, because... you know what is really needed and what is not (the same doctors and examinations). Everything material remains from brothers and sisters.
Faith: We shining example a sharp increase in well-being with each child.
True, we didn’t start from scratch, we immediately had our own one-room apartment, but nothing more. That is, the husband worked in the government. institution, 7 months after the wedding I went on maternity leave and we lived on very little money, surviving only thanks to the help of our parents. Everything on the child was used, the stroller was terrible, etc.
With our second child, we got a car, renovated the house in the country, built a second floor (there used to be an old, crumbling, rickety house with one room for 7 people), installed a sewer system, a shower, a toilet in the house, a washing machine, and in general all the amenities.
With our third child, we (literally now) had the opportunity to buy a three-room apartment at cost. This, of course, will require effort, but it is quite real.
We didn’t put in much work; our relatives worked more.
But in general it is obvious that all this is God’s help.
But over time, yes, everything is very difficult. He’s not there at all, and he doesn’t have enough energy for the children either. The feeling that children are tearing apart and howling for a place in the sun and for parental attention.
Elena: When I became pregnant, I worked in a publication where the salary was completely ridiculous. My husband worked there too. They were evicted from the rented room - in general, everything was not very fun.
Nothing, everything worked out God's help. My husband’s salary was increased, my mother-in-law’s neighbors rented the apartment to us for minimal money. The governor's allowance was given - 20 thousand, it seems, according to the card. When the child was about a year old, opportunities to earn extra money began to come my way. After permanent job appeared already with a decent salary. My husband moved to another job - also with an increase in salary. And so on…
About time it’s more complicated. It was completely unclear who would stay with the child if I started working. But first we found a very nice nanny. Then a friend helped me find a good kindergarten. And at work - first at one, then at another - the bosses accommodated me and allowed me to work not from 10 to 18, but from 9 to 17. In the meantime, I managed to reinstate myself at the University, almost finishing my studies.
I can tell you more about my friend.
She was such...a militant atheist always. And then a man appeared who slowly led her to faith. I won’t say anything about the moral character of this Orthodox man, who disappeared from view as soon as he learned that Tatyana was pregnant.
And she went to church, prayed, took communion. And she kept the child, despite the fact that the doctors predicted that she still couldn’t bear her little girl - Tatyana herself had bad heredity; that the child would be born sick - the dad had radiation exposure, something was wrong with the composition of the blood; that not only did she not have housing, but she didn’t even have a St. Petersburg registration; that the salary is below the subsistence level...
She carried, gave birth, were found good people– helped with both work and temporary housing. I bought a registration. She named her daughter Vera. A wonderful girl, she turned 4 years old yesterday. Tatyana’s mother came from another city - they will live together and are planning to buy their own home.
For statistics, another friend of mine. About the same story - no registration, no citizenship, no work. Dad disappeared in an unknown direction. I got pregnant, a job appeared, I rented a house, I did some renovations. She gave birth - she found a nanny, she, along with Lena and her Zhenya - the same age and best friend my treasure has been living for five years now. Even if difficulties arose, everything was solved with God’s help. Evicted from one rented apartment– I found another one, even better, then the opportunity arose to buy on credit. I had to leave my job - a week later they offered me a new one, with a salary almost an order of magnitude higher.
Thank God for everything! :)
Kira: My husband was very sick when I was expecting my second (second!). The hopelessness ended when my daughter was born, otherwise I was as thin as a bicycle; The relatives didn’t know anything for a long time, there was no hope for their help, so we hid it so as not to endure reproaches and misunderstandings. Now my husband - general manager company, and therefore I am the general’s wife :) True, we are renting an apartment for now, but this does not oppress us at all, how much we have been through together - we know who to rely on...
Xenia: I can't boast about my wealth. Just as I started to live on the bare minimum, I still do the same now. Thank God my husband works hard and, even with a delay, he gets paid. When my mother was alive, I worked part-time. Now it’s almost impossible to leave the house. His parents don't help at all.
Is it possible to live better? Certainly! All family members would have a burning desire. But you can't jump over your head.
They say quite rightly that when you want to get married, look carefully at the family of your future half and, preferably, take off your rose-colored glasses.
Tatiana: Is it true. Not that it happened completely on its own, but somehow it was solved. Either suddenly one of the virtues gave money, then the husband found a new, more lucrative job. The Lord always helps.
A friend of mine had a case where her husband had to bring her and her children money - well, there wasn’t a penny at all at home, but his salary was delayed, and there was no one to borrow from. So he found twenty dollars on the street - and somehow they held out.
Victoria: When I got married, I was very afraid that we would live in poverty... My husband worked as a driver and received $550, plus the unknown about the broken company car: Will the boss hang up the debt for it, or won’t he?
I told my father that: “I’m afraid to marry him, because the child won’t have enough fruit.”
And he answered: “What makes you think that the Lord will send you a child?”
“Well, yes,” I thought and calmed down.
2 weeks after marriage I realized that I was pregnant.
My husband is fired from his job. I'm calmer than ever. Friends of a friend offer to work in computer help– My husband’s hobby is a computer. So he began to travel on orders, and right before giving birth, they invited him to one company as an incoming administrator, set him a salary, issued him with a work permit, so that he could take out a loan.
If money is tight, I ask God for help; my husband immediately receives a large order.
Why doesn't God give children?
Recently, there are more and more childless families. Why? Priest Maxim Brusov, rector of the Trinity Cathedral in the city of Yakhroma, Moscow Region, answers this question.
- Father, do you have children?
-Three. Bye. Two boys and a girl.
– Now there are more and more families where they want, but cannot become parents. What advice do you have for them?
– First of all, don’t lose hope. Secondly, don’t sit idly by, take action.
– How to act?
– It is clear that first of all it is necessary to understand medical aspect problems, without forgetting the spiritual side. There can be many reasons for the childlessness of spouses - both medical and moral. It often happens that the reason is a “mistake of youth” - an abortion, which, like a barrier, blocks a woman’s path to motherhood.
IN human body After all, everything is interconnected: both physical and spiritual health. If a woman who has had an abortion has not yet repented of it, her position in life is unstable and dangerous. According to the psalmist David, children are “an inheritance from the Lord; the reward from Him is the fruit of the womb.” And by getting rid of the child, a woman crosses a certain line.
– So, childlessness is a punishment for abortion?
– The Lord never punishes, we punish ourselves. It is not God who moves away from man, but we who move away from God. The Lord waits very patiently and for a long time for our sincere repentance of sins. Those who can understand this are wise. And those who still haven’t understood are short-sighted.
I know one woman who wanted to get pregnant for many years. But there was a sin behind her. And she decides to take the baby from the orphanage. While they were filling out the documents, this and that, they finally brought the child, they were happy, they were busy. A few months later she found out that she was pregnant. Do you see how wise the Lord is? And he arranged the life of the unfortunate orphan, and thanked the spouses for their good deed.
I think that if a husband or wife is unable to conceive a child, and therapeutic and surgical methods Infertility treatments do not help; they need to humbly accept their infertility as a special way of life. Or you can try to adopt a child, of course, only by mutual consent of both.
– But not everyone can decide to take such a responsible step.
- Of course, not all. And it’s good that not all. Adopted children require heroism, and only very determined people are ready for heroism.
Many men and women are brought to God by this problem - infertility. Again, how can one not be amazed at God’s wisdom? After all, if everything was fine in their families, would they come to church? For what? And in such trouble they often remember God. For the first time in their lives, they begin to think about their lives and come to church.
One day a young parishioner approached me. The son got married, but there have been no children for three years. She asks how she can help her son and daughter-in-law. He suggested that she read the akathist to the Kazan Mother of God for 40 days. At first she was embarrassed - she was a business woman, the chief accountant of a reputable company. But I decided. As she later said, she reduced conversations with her friends to a minimum and did not turn on the TV. I read it for exactly 40 days.
What do you think? Soon she arrived solemn and happy - we are expecting twins! Now they are already three years old - Nikolai and Sergei. You see, this woman did not mope, did not blame God, she began to work... And most importantly, she believed that her work would bring good fruit.
– Father Maxim, but there are families where they don’t want to have a child, but one is born, while others want it, but God doesn’t give it. Why?
– You shouldn’t look at others. You need to live your own life, because you will have to answer to God for your own deeds, and not for those of others. At the same time, it is worth accepting and understanding with all your heart the words of St. John Chrysostom: “whoever has learned to thank God for his illnesses is not far from holiness.”
This does not mean that the doctor or the patient should not make efforts to combat the disease. But when human means are exhausted, the Christian should remember that the power of God is made perfect in human weakness and that in the depths of his suffering he is able to meet Christ, who took upon himself our weaknesses and illnesses.
In any case, you need to treat the situation with trust. Don't bang your head against the wall, but wait. And work hard.
– Father Maxim, I know that in the Trinity Cathedral, where you are rector, there is an amazing icon...
– Do you mean the image of St. Simeon of Athos? Here, by the way, good example how to work. On the holy Mount Athos in the Hilandar monastery there grows a vine planted in the 12th century by Saint Simeon himself. Surprisingly, it still bears fruit and works wonders. People write to this monastery from all over the world, asking for help with infertility. The monks send those asking three dried grapes and a small branch of a vine, plus a rule on how to accept this shrine and pray.
One married couple, our parishioners, received a letter from Athos with this shrine. We did everything as written in the “instructions” and begged our daughter. In gratitude to Saint Simeon, they ordered a large icon of him, that same shrine -
a branch of vine was inserted into the icon. Now people come to us from everywhere to pray at this icon.
– Who else can you pray for the gift of children?
- Of course, to the righteous Joachim and Anna, parents Holy Mother of God. They were childless for a very long time, but they trusted in God. Elder Paisius the Svyatogorets calls these saints the most dispassionate married couple. In his book " Family life“This is what is written: “A thought tells me that Christ would have come to earth earlier if a pure, chaste married couple, like Saints Joachim and Anna, had appeared on earth earlier.” They weren't worried, they weren't nervous, they were waiting.
And the parents of Saint John the Baptist, the prophet Zechariah and Elizabeth, also did not have children until old age. And they didn’t complain either, they believed. They also need to pray. So there are a lot of helpers. The main thing is to accustom yourself to live a full spiritual life.
– But among the believers who go to church and keep fasts, there are childless people. What are they doing wrong?
– I know a man who deliberately refused to start a family only because he loves children very much. Paradox? How to count. This man heads one of the famous orphanages in Khabarovsk. His name is Alexander Gennadievich Petrynin. It's hard to believe, but he has more than 900 godchildren. He prays and worries for each of them.
Aren't these his children? Will he not be responsible for them before God? All his life this man has been serving the Lord through other people’s children. There are few such people capable of true, sacrificial love.
Imagine if he got married and had two or three children. And these abandoned orphans with living parents - what would happen to them? And so they are under supervision. Alexander Gennadievich raises them in the faith, takes them to church, and gives them communion.
Or take, for example, monks. God did not give them children. You can say that. But He placed them in the most important service - prayer. And they pray that God will enlighten our children, that God will give children to those who do not have them. Athonite monks they send pieces of the vine all over the world so that women will know the joy of motherhood, and men will realize themselves as fathers. So God doesn't give children for so many reasons.
– Father Maxim, what would you advise our readers?
– When faced with a problem such as infertility, everyone Orthodox Christian must rely on the all-good will of God. And remember that the meaning of our life is not limited only to this earthly life. Our earthly life is only a preparation for eternal life. We should not forget that God was pleased to make suffering a means of salvation and purification. It can be effective for anyone who experiences it with humility.
I can also advise you to wait – but actively. Why not, for example, help childless couples to the nearest orphanage? Or large family? Or the neighbor's restless child? Field for this kind activities in Russia are enormous.
Even if your contribution is small, the Lord sees in the heart. And if He sees the purity and selflessness of your help, He will not remain in debt. God has a lot of everything. And one more thing: remember one thing, the Lord does not make mistakes and is never late. And everything that He does, He does for the good and salvation of man himself.
Natalia SUKHININA
