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How to resolve conflict at work with your boss. This can be suspected if

Misunderstandings between bosses and subordinates are not uncommon. And sometimes quarrels with management end in dismissal. According to psychologists, there are certain rules by following which you can resolve the conflict and not lose your favorite job. Let's look at some of the most common situations.

You don't get enough

You have been working for the company for 10 years. The boss hired a young employee and assigned him the same salary as yours. You think it's unfair because your experience and dedication to work are equated with the skills of a beginner.
You don't have to raise your voice at your boss to get a pay raise.

What to do? Don’t try to take it out on a young colleague, don’t insult him or plot against him. Talk to your boss and calmly express your dissatisfaction. And instead of being indignant at the new guy’s salary, it’s better to ask for an increase and justify your request.

You are older than your boss

Sometimes your boss’s attempts to manage you hurt your pride, because you were already gnawing on the granite of science with all your might when he was just learning to walk.

What to do? You are required to follow the instructions of the management. But if you feel that the boss is wrong about something, share with him what you think is the right decision. A good boss will always appreciate fresh ideas.

You got hooked

For several years you have been pursuing the goal of obtaining a higher position. Recently this place became vacant, but the boss didn’t hire you, but some girl from the outside.
What to do? Explain to your boss that you have achieved maximum competence in your work and could bring great benefit holding such and such a position. Ask how your boss sees your further progress career ladder. Most likely, he will make a decision that suits both of you.

You're too talkative

The boss found out that you spoke unflatteringly about him. He is looking for reasons to fire you, and your relationship has turned into a psychological duel. What to do? Never speak ill of your boss or colleagues. If this happens, the initiative to talk and apologize should come only from you.
And finally general advice subordinates and superiors. During a conflict, you risk becoming a hostage to your words. For example, in the heat of the moment you loudly announce that you are quitting. But as time passes, you will calm down, but because of pride you will be forced to leave a good job. It’s the same with your boss: in the midst of a conflict in front of your employees, he will threaten to demote you. After a few days, everything will be settled, but his pride will not allow him to take back his words, since the rest of his subordinates may think that he showed weakness. Therefore, during quarrels, it is very important to watch what you say.

On topic

How much are you worth? There is a website zarplatomer.ru on the Internet with a questionnaire. It is enough to answer a few questions about your profession, and the salary meter will determine the level wages, corresponding to your qualifications and region of residence, taking into account offers on the labor market.

We calculated what salary a nurse, a grocery store salesperson and an accountant in Voronezh and Moscow with work experience, professional certificates and higher education can expect. On the website, the salary is indicated in dollars, we translated it into domestic currency. So, according to the salary meter, a nurse in Voronezh costs 2250 - 2800 rubles, in Moscow - 3600 - 4350 rubles. A seller with us can earn 6800 - 8350 rubles, in the capital - 10700 - 13000 rubles. An accountant in Voronezh can count on a salary of 13,700 - 16,700 rubles, in Moscow - 21,500 - 26,300 rubles.

Unless you're a lucky freelancer working remotely for yourself or a stay-at-home mom, you probably spend most of your time at work.

Your office, study, enterprise is a space in which you put your soul. Colleagues are people who often know more about you than your family.

There is even such a criterion of happiness when a person wakes up and happy to go to work.

And, conversely, an unpleasant employee or a quarrelsome boss can poison your life and discourage you from doing what you love.

What to do when conflicts with management at work lead to stress?

How to figure out why the change of teams and employers from time to time - invariably either one of the colleagues is doing harm, or the boss is caught with the same set of unpleasant qualities?

Unexpectedly, reincarnation helps to find answers to these questions.

Meet the boss

Irina was good specialist for the sale of real estate, and therefore she was not surprised by a sudden call with an offer to move to a new agency.

But what really came as a complete surprise, that same evening Albina herself arrived at Ira’s office and aggressively suggested: “I need you to come to work with us starting Monday.”

Both the salary and working conditions were attractive. And Irina herself had long dreamed of changing her place - the current boss was narcissistic and scandalous, she no longer had the strength to tolerate her.

But she couldn’t agree to the proposal right away: “I don’t have a finished project, I need two more weeks, otherwise I’ll let people down.”

Albina could have found dozens of other agents of similar level in their city of two million, but fortunately for Irina, she agreed to wait.

Incomprehensible feelings in the soul

Irina was extremely pleased with her new place of work. Albina, despite the fact that she was five years younger, handled the matter very skillfully. The entrepreneurial spirit and energy of the boss was admired.

As a competent psychologist, she selected an excellent team. The team was friendly, Ira was received very well. It was as if she herself had been transformed.

In addition to eternal affairs, there was time for hobbies and sports - new colleagues kept company both at corporate events and at gym, and even going on vacation together.

Ira and Albina had a lot in common - they shared views on the principles of work, life, men, and both raised their sons alone. All of Irina’s proposals for projects immediately found support and were implemented.

But, after about six months, the idyll began to crumble. Increasingly, flashes of irritation began to run between the director and her new agent.

Ira caught dissatisfied glances and could not understand their reasons.

Sometimes Albina began to pick on little things, bringing the conversation to a raised tone, and expressed some unfair claims.

After such outbursts, the boss could pass by Irina for several days, pretending not to notice her, without answering the usual morning greetings.

Such relationships tormented Irina. By nature, not a conflict person, she could not make up her mind and bring Albina to a frank conversation, to sort things out.

And since there were no complaints against her regarding the work itself, it means that something personal is irritating the boss. But Ira was not comfortable continuing to work in such an atmosphere.

For her, who keenly senses the mood of those around her, it was a burden to wait every day, and suddenly today “the headmistress is in a bad mood again.”

Past life with the boss

A friend advised Irina to turn to reincarnation memories: “What if your claims against each other stem from past life?»

Since Ira couldn’t come up with any other options for solving the problem, she agreed to a regression session.

While immersed, Irina remembered herself in the 16th century. A Persian teenage boy lives poorly with his disabled father. The son is the old man’s only support.

At the request “to see a situation that affects the relationship with the boss in the current incarnation,” pictures came last day that life.

That day he worked to buy at least some food for him and his father. And in the evening, tired but happy, with a knapsack of food, he makes his way home through the outskirts.

Suddenly he is overtaken by a gang of robbers on horseback. Their leader - arrogant, self-confident, feeling his strength and impunity - demands that the boy give up his bag of food.

Irina, recalling this situation from the inside, felt unprecedented indignation and awakened pride and rebellion, surprising for a frail teenager.

And she also realized that at that moment standing in front of her was not just the leader of the robbers, but the soul of her current boss.

The young man refused to obey. In response, I saw a contemptuous, crooked grin and an order to punish him. The robbers attacked the defenseless boy, took his things and beat him. They beat me long and brutally, until death.

When Irina's soul left her tormented body, she felt an incredible bitterness and regret.

Why was it necessary to resist in this unequal struggle when the outcome was obvious? Who will take care of father now? How will he survive without me?

Forgiving the offender. Transformation of relationships

From the point of view of the soul, it was a clash between two proud natures. For both the boy and the experienced robber, the main thing was to insist on his own. One demonstrated his strength and power, the other refused to recognize this power and obey.

The tragic ending of the skirmish left its mark on the interaction of two souls. And in their present life, subconsciously, Albina and Irina felt this imprint. The boss experienced the need to clearly define social roles, affirming “I’m in charge here.”

Her irritation is an unspoken hint: “Don’t cross the line between friendship and familiarity.”

And Irina, in turn, experienced resistance coming from her past life. I often replayed phrases in my mind that questioned the director’s authority: “After all, I’m older, more experienced, I could also manage the agency and even better!”

What kind of experience did these souls live? For Irina it was a lesson in humility and pride, recognition of someone else's strength and knowledge, acceptance of one's own social role. Albina’s soul came into joint incarnation twice, helping Irina become wiser.

Remembering that the boss had once caused her death, Irina did not become embittered. On the contrary, realizing that this was just an experience that made it possible to understand an important lesson, she sincerely forgave the soul that had become close to her.

And this forgiveness was enough for relations with Albina to improve. Sudden outbursts of irritation have disappeared. Irina did not hear any more complaints addressed to her.

The boss began to call her often to consult on projects and development of the agency. And when Albina experienced changes in personal life, Irina was the one with whom she shared it first!

It may seem like magic to remember the reason for a bad relationship in a past life, “understand and forgive” and everything will work out. But in fact, it's very serious work souls!

There is, but they do not always help untie the knots of grievances. In this story, Irina’s soul sincerely accepted her lesson and forgave. The result was a healed relationship with her boss.

09:50 14.12.2015

Any conflict at work can be neutralized with the help of certain speech techniques that will not only extinguish negativity, but also lead to fruitful cooperation. Techniques for solution conflict situations suggests psychologist Marina Prepotenskaya.

Life without conflicts, alas, is impossible: in business, in everyday life, in personal relationships. Conflict (translated from Latin as “clash”) is almost inevitable between people and its cause is often mutually opposed, incompatible needs, goals, attitudes, values...

Someone eagerly gets involved in a communication war and tries with all his might to prove he is right and win the conflict. Someone is trying to get around sharp corners and is sincerely perplexed as to why the conflict does not go away. And someone calmly neutralizes the problem without aggravating it and without wasting energy, strength, and health.

We should take it for granted: there were, are and will be conflicts, but either they control us or we control them.

Otherwise, even a minor situational conflict can develop into a protracted war, poisoning life every day... Most often, the conflict manifests itself in verbal aggression, since experiences and emotions are always a strong muscle clamp, and primarily in the larynx area.

As a result - screaming, inadequate reaction, severe stress, emotional involvement in the conflict all more people.

Learn to resolve conflicts using simple situational speech techniques. In relation to the boss and a colleague of the same rank, different strategies are chosen, but you need to act solely according to the situation. Remember the suggested methods.

Neutralize!

Awareness of conflict:the first and most important stage of neutralization. Learn to rationally assess the situation. At the moment when you realize that a conflict is brewing, do not involve emotions under any circumstances, leave the line of attack. If the situation allows, leave the room for a while, even if you are in the boss’s office. If etiquette allows, you can calmly add: “Sorry, I don’t speak in that tone” or “We’ll talk when you calm down, sorry.” Walk down the corridor, wash your face if possible cold water- to neutralize aggression within yourself, at least for a couple of minutes, switch to a series of abstract physical actions.

Pattern break: eIf a colleague or boss shows aggression towards you, use a simple touch switch manipulation. “Accidentally” drop your pen, cough, you can say something completely abstract, for example: “It’s so stuffy in our room...” So aggression does not achieve its goal.
Agree and... attack with questions! This is one of the ways to break the conflict pattern when accusations are thrown at you from the lips of your superiors, and, alas, not groundlessly. Agree on all points (here it is important not to overact and control your emotions). And then... ask for help. Say: “It’s hard for me because...”, “I’m very worried, tell me what I need to fix,” “give me advice,” etc. Ask clarifying open-ended questions that require a detailed answer - they save the situation.
Complementarity works wonders. Is the person, for one reason or another, against you? Consult with him on work issues, appealing to his competence, professionalism (look for all his strengths). It is quite possible that the incident will be resolved very soon.
Sniper Technique:Pretend you didn’t hear and ask again indifferently. Use inin the event that one of your colleagues deliberately provokes you and openly offends you with some phrases. As a rule, a person begins to get lost. Say: “You see, you can’t even clearly formulate your complaints or explain them. When you find the words, then we’ll talk face-to-face.”
Time for tea! Really,many conflicts can indeed be reduced to nothing through a conversation over a cup of tea. With a colleague who you think dislikes you, the best thing to do is to have an honest conversation and ask a series of questions. For example: “What about me irritates you? Voice? Manner of speaking? Clothes? Weight? Come on.Let's figure it out." This is how the conflict is translated into a constructive direction. and, in the opinion psychologists, this is the most civilized way of behavior. In that situation, if we feel that they dislike us, it is useful to find a convenient moment and have a heart-to-heart talk. Most often, this is how conflicts completely exhaust themselves, and in some cases we also learn to analyze our mistakes.

Hit the enemy with his own weapon.You can explode in response and achieve a visible victory. But the result will be the same: instead of neutralization, there will be a chronic, protracted war: it is unlikely that you should spend time and effort on this. They can be directed to resolve the conflict.

Do not provoke and warn!

It's no secret that often we ourselves are to blame for conflicts. For example, you didn’t manage to submit an important report on time. In this case, it is best to approach your boss at the beginning of the day and say: “I understand that a conflict may occur, but such and such a situation happened to me.” And explain the reasons.

Such rhetoric can prevent the start of a “war.” Since the cause of every conflict is some incident or irritating factor, try to figure out what is happening, and in any situation (be it relationships with management, “ordinary” employees or subordinates) adhere to the golden rule of conflict management “I-statement”.

Instead of blaming, convey your feelings. For example, say: “I feel uncomfortable” instead of: “You are nagging me, you are disturbing me, you are gossiping, etc.”
If this is a showdown, say: “I’m worried, it’s difficult for me,” “I feel discomfort,” “I want to understand the situation,” “I want to find out.”
It is very important to adapt to the experience of the person who initiates the conflict. If this is the boss, say the phrases: “Yes, I understand you”, “This common problem", "Yes, this upsets me too", "Yes, unfortunately, this is a mistake, I think so too."

It is extremely important to be able to listen and put yourself in a person’s place, to hear not so much what a person says, but to think why he says it that way.

In a boss-subordinate situation, a person can be brought to a rational level of communication by asking clarifying questions. This is what you need to do if you are being picked on too much.

Are you being unfairly accused of being a bad worker? Confidently launch an attack with questions: “If I’m a bad worker, why are you telling me this right now?”, “Why am I a bad worker, explain to me.”

They tell you that you did a bad job - ask what exactly you didn’t do, clarify: “What exactly did I not do, I want to figure it out, I ask you: answer my question.” Remember that the one who asks the questions controls the conflict.

Complementing the image

Remember the main thing: in any conflict situation you must radiate calm. This will help you:

confident intonation; Avoid notes of arrogance and irritation in your voice - such intonation in itself is conflict-generating. With those colleagues with whom you, for one reason or another, do not support friendly relations, choose a neutral-distance method of communication and a cold tone without deceitful sincerity (and without calling);
a moderate rate of speech and a low timbre of voice are most pleasant to the ear. If you are talking to a person who does not have sympathy for you, adjust to his intonation and manner of speaking - this is favorable and neutralizes the desire to conflict;
A glance at the area between the eyebrows in a conflict situation discourages the “attacker.” This optical focusing suppresses aggression;
a straight (but not tense) back always puts you in a positive mood and gives you confidence. Psychologists say that straight posture increases self-esteem!

...It's no secret that conflict can be provoked by behavior, manner of speaking, dressing, lifestyle - the list goes on and on. All this depends on the worldview, upbringing of a person, his tastes, life attitudes and... internal problems.

In addition, there are words and topics that can ignite chronic conflict: politics, social status, religion, nationality, even age... Try not to touch on “sensitive” topics on fertile ground of conflict. For example, in a society of women with problems in their personal lives, it is advisable to brag less about their ideal husband...

You can create a list of warnings yourself by carefully assessing the atmosphere in the team. By the way, if you hear harsh phrases towards yourself, put your emotions aside, do not connect to the energy of the aggressor - simply ignore him.

Do you hear outright rudeness? Leave or neutralize, breaking the pattern.

Criticism to the point? Join in, speak words of support, if the situation allows, switch to complimentary language.

Unnecessary nitpicking? Go on the attack with clarifying, open-ended questions.

But the most important thing is to achieve inner peace. And, of course, never allow yourself to be drawn into “friendship against someone.” Show confidence, increase self-esteem, work on yourself - and you will be able to neutralize any negativity directed at yourself. And, what’s more, you can enjoy your work every day!

Read at your leisure

Anatoly Nekrasov "Egregors"
Eric Berne "Games People Play"
Victor Sheinov "Conflicts in our lives and their resolution"
Valentina Sergeecheva "Verbal karate. Strategy and tactics of communication"
Lillian Glass "Verbal Self-Defense Step by Step"

Photo in text: Depositphotos.com

No one is immune from a conflict situation at work. Any employee has at least once been a participant in such a conflict, or observed it from the sidelines. Not everyone thinks about how to resolve conflict at work and prefers to act impulsively. But every employee needs to acquire such knowledge: someday it will come in handy.

How to prevent work conflict

To begin with, here are a few rules, adhering to which you and high probability You will be able to avoid conflict situations at work.

Choose the right place to work. Many conflicts arise due to the fact that the employee is not satisfied with the low salary, lack of career growth, and so on. When you are at the interview stage for a company, you need to thoroughly find out all the important points for you. At the very least, you can definitely find out about the possibility of career growth.
Know your responsibilities. Conflicts often arise when an employee misunderstands his job responsibilities. Or one of his colleagues is blatantly trying to push his work onto him. Therefore, you need to understand your job responsibilities well. As a rule, all positions have job description and of course, it must be adhered to. But, as they say, “if you want to anger everyone, act within the instructions.” Therefore, periodic assistance to colleagues in their work, periodic fulfillment of requests from superiors “to do something that is not part of their direct duties” cannot be ruled out. Here it is important not to allow someone to sit on your neck and to be able to gently refuse.
Learn to listen to other people's points of view. Conflicts often arise due to differences in the points of view of colleagues on a particular work issue. It is important to be able to listen to someone whose opinion is different from yours.
Don’t give reasons for conflict: exclude lateness, rudeness, and rudeness on your part.
Don't participate in gossip. Gossip can give rise to the most unpleasant conflict - interpersonal. Unlike the worker, it is much more difficult to overcome it. If you don't gossip at work, you'll reduce the likelihood interpersonal conflict at times.

If a conflict does occur, try following the recommendations below.

Conflict with a colleague

Often, a conflict with a colleague ends in mutual alienation. This is not so scary, because the job is created in order to work, and not to make friends. It’s much worse when they start to be rude, rude, and even set you up. In this case:

Don't try to repay in the same coin. Cold politeness will suffice. On the other hand, this does not mean that you need to tolerate direct insults. If a colleague goes beyond all boundaries, you need to calmly answer something like: “Sorry, Maria Ivanovna, I can’t continue talking to you in this tone. I’m ready to continue after your apology.” Such a phrase will confuse the offender, since the insults are aimed at arousing emotions in you.
Don't discuss what happened with your colleagues. Work is work, and even a colleague whom you thought was a friend may not be that at all.
Don't react too emotionally. It's difficult to contain your emotions, but you try. What now, because of every fool, cry and quit? If you feel like you are about to cry or commit a rash act, leave the office to neutral territory. For example, to the toilet. Calm down.
Talk to your superiors. This is in case one of your colleagues openly mocks you or begins to set you up. Don't be afraid that you will be considered an informer. It is important to present the information correctly here. For example, start with how your job is dear to you, and you are very upset that due to disagreements in the team, your work productivity may decrease.

If you work in large company, then it may contain special service on conflict resolution - compliance. Find out about its availability and, if anything, contact us there.

Conflict with the boss

When you have a conflict with your boss, things are a little more complicated. As soon as you understand that a conflict has occurred (let’s say your boss yelled at you rudely), do not try to object and yell back. Don’t try to prove to your boss that you are actually a good employee and that he shouldn’t treat you like this. Listen to everything to the end and leave silently (do not slam the door). Analyze the situation. Perhaps you actually made a mistake somewhere.

The main signs by which one can determine whether the authorities are right:

Only your work is criticized, not your personality;
You were regularly made comments about the same shortcomings in your work (for example, about the deadlines for completing the work);
Other colleagues have expressed dissatisfaction with your work;
The boss is unhappy because your actions lead to negative consequences for the company (for example, it receives fines for late work);
You are not scolded in front of all your colleagues, but only face to face.

If you yourself are to blame, then later go to your boss and tell him that you realized your mistakes and will try not to make them in the future. If possible, offer solutions to the problem. Understand the criteria for evaluating work. If necessary, ask for help if you don’t understand something about the work.

But it also happens that you received undeserved treatment from your superiors. It may well be that the boss was simply out of sorts. Especially if the conflict occurred for the first time. Therefore, if you come in some time after the conflict and say something like “Ivan Ivanovich, could you once again express your complaints about my work?”, it may turn out that there are no complaints.

It may also happen that your boss just doesn't like you. The following may indicate this:

It is not only and not so much your work that is criticized, but your personality. For example, you speak wrong, look wrong, and so on.
There is contempt in the boss's voice; you feel how your boss gets pleasure from his comments.
Dissatisfaction with you is expressed regularly, but on different occasions and at different times.
Your boss yells at you in front of your colleagues.
The boss cannot adequately say by what criteria he evaluates the work.

It is not easy to get out of such a situation. The main thing is not to become an eternal victim. Try to stop attempts to criticize your personality. And most importantly, always remain calm. By responding to aggression with aggression, you give your boss a reason to yell at you again and again. Try to clarify more often the boundaries of your work area, your responsibilities, work evaluation criteria, and deadlines for completing the work.

If you can’t get out of the conflict, you can involve your boss’s superiors in the matter. But this only happens in large companies. If your company doesn’t have this, well, you’ll probably have to look for a new job. Don’t be nervous all your life because of your tyrant boss.

Video

The videos will help you understand how to resolve work conflicts.