What does excessive talkativeness mean? How to Deal with Overly Talkative People

Does this feature of your character really bother you? Then it's time to start working on yourself.

Objectively speaking, sociability or, as they say now, sociability, the quality is not so bad. A sociable person finds it easier to find common language with people and negotiate something important, such people are often the life of the party and enjoy success with the opposite sex.

However, it is important not to cross a certain line when it turns into clean water egocentrism. It’s good if a chatterbox harms only himself, turning into an annoying interlocutor, whose company they begin to avoid over time; it’s worse if, by wagging his tongue right and left, he voluntarily or unwittingly lets other people down. Such excessive talkativeness can become a source of problems wherever a chatterbox appears, so even those closest to them try to stay away from such people. Over time, such a person will experience social isolation. What to do? How to get rid of talkativeness?

Awareness of the problem

We all know that by recognizing the problem, we are already halfway to solving it. What are the prerequisites for awareness of this problem? Your irrepressible stream of consciousness causes obvious irritation in other people, and you yourself notice that you spend a lot of time talking about nothing, telephone conversations drag on for hours, and you do most of the talking, and your interlocutor barely has time to insert a few words. And by the way, what do you remember from his conversations? Most likely, enjoying the sound of your own voice does little. When you meet someone on the street, it is difficult for you to simply say hello or exchange a few words, you enter into a long discussion and do not even notice that the person is in a hurry.

Analysis

Do you still doubt that you are a talker? Then analyze the situation and take control of everything. Record your speech on a voice recorder and listen to yourself from the outside. How long will it take you to deliver some news? A minute, two, ten? Do you keep it short and to the point, or do you fill your speech with lots of details and commentary? How much time during the day do you talk on the phone? Do you remember how you started a conversation that lasted more than an hour? Its middle? Now that you have realized that you have such a shortcoming as talkativeness, try to get rid of it.

Day of Silence

Determine one day a week that you will spend in complete silence. Just don’t forget to warn those around you (at least your closest circle) so as not to scare people in vain. Spend the day in introspection, such as reading something from Dostoevsky or Tolstoy, taking up Zen Buddhism, or simply taking a walk in the park, watching birds and squirrels. Believe me, this is a very useful practice.

Firstly, you will learn to conduct an internal dialogue with yourself, listening to your feelings and perhaps find answers to long-unresolved questions for which you somehow did not have time in the bustle of the world. Secondly, such voluntary “penance” teaches restraint and makes us internally more mature. Thirdly, the next day you will notice that you are acting much more restrained.

Learn to listen

Listening and hearing people is very useful. Firstly, you will learn something interesting, secondly, you will be known as a pleasant interlocutor, and thirdly, you will have the feeling that you are in control of the communication situation. Strive to ask more questions. This will demonstrate your interest in the interlocutor and the topic of conversation, and in addition, it will provide an opportunity for the other person to speak.

Don't interrupt

It is very difficult for chatterboxes not to interrupt, since they usually only hear themselves. Take control of the situation and immediately correct yourself when it arises. irresistible desire break into the interlocutor's speech. This is only acceptable if you are talking with a fellow chatterbox.

Avoid stream of consciousness

Strive to be brief and to the point. Your point of view on certain issues will be the more valuable to others, the less often and more justified you express it. You especially shouldn’t let your thoughts wander all over the place at various kinds of meetings and meetings. Even if the event does not involve regulations and the speaker can speak as much as he pleases, remember that long and “wrapped” speeches are difficult to understand. Speak clearly, concisely and to the point. As Socrates said, one of greatest thinkers of all times and peoples: “Speak so that I can see you.”

Watch your interlocutor's reaction

Stop talking as soon as you notice that they have stopped listening to you. Does your interlocutor yawn, show impatience, and even try to leave? This sure sign that you have exhausted the entire limit of his patience. It is best in this case to switch to him and give him the opportunity to speak by asking some question that requires a detailed answer.

Don't go to extremes

Working on yourself is never easy. And if we overcome one or another of our shortcomings, then we become smarter and wiser. However, you should not replace restraint with gloominess, and laconicism with isolation. Remember that although silence is golden, the word still remains silver.

the ability to communicate implies the ability to speak, the ability to conduct a conversation, the ability to conduct a dialogue.

“When you sit in noisy assemblies,
The tongue glows and burns;
But people are divided into smart ones
And those who talk a lot.”
I. Guberman

We live among people, and the ability to communicate is one of the components of success, one of the tools successful person. And the ability to communicate implies the ability to speak, the ability to conduct a conversation, the ability to conduct a dialogue.And this skill has been considered an art since ancient times - it was specially taught.

As I said La Rochefoucauld :

"If required great art“In order to speak out on time, then no small art lies in remaining silent at the right time.”

Two extremes of communication are the inability to connect two words and excessive talkativeness.

Any of us has had to meet a person who chats incessantly: he retells the same television news and the smallest details of his life several times in great detail, persistently talks about his problems, his experiences, gives unsolicited advice, lectures. After a while, such a person makes your head spin and you want to stay away, although this is not always possible if such a chatterbox is in your immediate environment - if it is a relative or colleague.

What is the reason for such uncontrollable annoying talkativeness?

The reasons may be different, and if you understand them, this can help in some cases to get rid of an intrusive interlocutor or even help the chatterbox to restore relative order in his own brain.

Talkativeness and verbosity in some cases are signs of sociability, but there is a huge difference between idle chatter and an interesting conversation with an easy-going, sociable person. Unlike idle chatter, when a person whose talkativeness helps pass the time, and for whom only his tongue works,During an exciting conversation, the interlocutors’ brains also work.

And most often, verbosity indicates dullness, mediocrity and complexes, although in some casesThere may be other reasons:

Self-praise

Endless conversations about one’s successes or problems (after all, sometimes a problem is a disguised boast. For example, when talking about one’s illness, a person begins to list how many professors he contacted and how much the treatment cost him) are a sign of pride, when it is very important for a person to be in center of attention. Men suffer more from such talkativeness (although sometimes women are not far behind them. Constant, repeated stories about their real or imaginary successes, in the opinion of a talker, increase his self-esteem.

How can I not remember the words? La Rochefoucauld :

“Why do we remember in every detail what happened to us, but are not able to remember how many times we told the same person about it?

The desire to ease the soul

More often, women suffer from talkativeness, as representatives of the more emotional half of humanity. Many women, by speaking out, relieve stress and emotional stress, in a sense, replacing a trip to a psychologist with verbosity. It’s no coincidence that they say: “If I spoke out, I felt better.” Feeling better is wonderful! However, what about the person who was chosen to play the role of the “vest”? You can, of course, not listen, as in the famous historical anecdote about Aristotle. But this does not always work out, not to mention the wasted time.

Desire to feed off the energy of others

In some casestalkativeness is a sign of energy vampirism.A person constantly “loads” others with his problems, fueled by their energy of pity and sympathy, and even if he receives good advice, is in no hurry to follow them. He doesn’t need it, he doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t want to change anything.

A sign of stupidity and primitive thinking

Here, I think, everything is clear without words. People in this category instantly splash out on those around them everything that comes to their mind. As one said smart person: “The fewer thoughts a person has, the more he likes to share them.” Under no circumstances should you share your secrets with a chronic chatterbox. He will immediately blurt them out, even if he feels remorse.

A sign of boredom and loneliness

This category of verbose includes mainlyelderly people who don’t know what to do free time and at the slightest opportunity they can, figuratively speaking, “sit on their ears”. On the one hand, this evokes sympathy, but on the other hand, gossip, gossip and bone-washing, which is mainly done by grandmothers on benches, sometimes seriously complicate the lives of others.

"Keep busy. That's the most cheap medicine on earth - and one of the most effective"

this advice Dale Carnegie perfect for those who are lonely and bored.

And I would like to end with the words of the ancient Greek philosopher Plutarch :

“A chatterbox wants to force himself to be loved - and causes hatred, wants to provide a service - and becomes intrusive, wants to arouse surprise - and becomes funny; he insults his friends, serves his enemies, and all this - to his own destruction.” published

“Shut up! Finally, shut up!” - that’s what was on the tip of Jeff’s tongue when he brought Laurie to his parents for the first time. Jeff wanted them to like her, but Lori apparently wouldn't stop talking even under threat death penalty. It looks like she just couldn't control herself.

People who simply cannot shut up do not know how to communicate well with others. And although their talkativeness seems charming at first, it definitely begins to tire after an hour, or two at most. After listening to those never-closing mouths talk verbosely and confusedly about the most mundane things, for example, how they cleaned the sink, any normal person will climb the wall. At the same time, they are usually not at all interested in whether the other person has time to talk with them.

These people are self-absorbed and completely unaware of the impression they make on others. They have a way of asking questions and then answering them themselves before anyone else does. They simply cannot be forced to remain silent, because then they begin to feel discomfort and panic. It’s as if they have a perpetual motion machine running inside them that they can’t turn off.

They talk to cheer themselves up or calm themselves down. Chatting distracts them from the problems and troubles they have to face. These people love the sound of their voice, so sometimes there is an element of narcissism in their character. The pleasure they get from hearing the sound of their voice is much more important to them than the inconvenience they cause to others.

Chatterboxes can be very difficult to drive away from the phone. They get so carried away that they force you to talk to them in a rude commanding tone, and sometimes just take them away and hang up.

They don't realize how their constant chattering irritates others: they are too self-absorbed to notice. They rarely pay attention to the signals they receive from frustrated listeners, especially if they are not very obvious or expressed in words. The only thing that can silence them, at least temporarily, is a call for silence, pronounced loudly and impressively. But even then they will remain silent for no more than half an hour, because they simply cannot control themselves. They definitely have to talk again, and the harsh remarks that others make to them do not seem to bother them very much, because they are too self-absorbed. And even if they are offended, they will simply pause and then start chatting again. They are capable of driving anyone who stays with them for any length of time to the point of complete exhaustion.

Mental development For many chatterboxes, things didn’t go smoothly enough in childhood, which was the reason for their excessive talkativeness in adulthood. Such behavior is formed at the stage of speech development, which begins at the age of approximately three and a half to four years, when children constantly rant both in the company of others and when left alone. During this period, they constantly ask the question “why?”, even if it has already been answered several times. They do this not only because they want attention, but also because they like to listen to themselves and show off their newly acquired language abilities.

As adults, these individuals may become psychologically stuck at this level and retain the developmental pattern typical of four-year-olds. Their constant chatter is a means psychological protection, serving to relieve them of the fear of abandonment and being alone. They need to be with someone all the time because they desperately need listeners. But if no one is around, they talk to themselves and don’t see anything strange in it.

Psychotherapists often find that such adult talkers were constantly left alone in childhood. They were either children with a key around their necks, who were left to their own devices for hours before their parents arrived, or useless children, ignored by both parents and peers. So they talked non-stop to compensate for their lack of communication. They developed the ability to chatter as a means of keeping others' attention.

Sometimes excessive talkativeness is caused by taking medications, mental disorders, or some neurological or genetic syndrome. Therefore, it is necessary to keep in mind that some talkers - serious problems with health.

The ability to communicate is a quality, at different poles of which there are extreme sociability and shyness. A shy person, avoiding communication, has a rather limited, small circle of acquaintances; he has difficulty making contact. Talkative people are sometimes unprincipled, and in their outburst of sociability, without difficulty, sometimes unceremoniously, they can stop a stranger on the street and quench their thirst for talkativeness.
Of course, talkativeness and talkativeness, which are no signs of a sociable person, however, such people are often perceived as arrogant and annoying. They just need to find their ears and talk, talk and talk... Talkative people completely lack the ability to listen to their interlocutor, they do not know how to keep secrets. This leads them to the fact that the number of people willing to communicate and work with them decreases.
Often, excessive talkativeness leads to erroneous actions, which you later regret. Analyzing these incorrect actions, we have to admit that they are connected in one way or another with our speech. He said the wrong thing, blurted out without thinking, was in a hurry with the answer, could not remain silent, interrupted, criticized, made an irrelevant joke, blabbed... And every time in these cases I remember: “Language is given to man in order to hide his thoughts,” “Language yours is your enemy”, “The word is silver, silence is gold”...
And it’s one thing when you, a lover of conversation, show your skill in this matter outside of work, another when a colleague or, even worse, a manager says to you: “Could you get back to the point?”, “Can you get to the point?”, “ What exactly did you want to say? If you often hear questions like this addressed to you, it’s time to think about your verbosity.
People trying to get rid of excessive talkativeness should:
Learn to answer briefly and concisely;
Before answering a question or address to you, he will learn without thinking twice (otherwise they will decide that you are either slow-witted or ignoring the question, showing your disrespect) to compose short but succinct phrases in your mind;
Set a maximum time for talking on the phone;
Resolve some of the issues related to work email, so you will think twice about how to formulate your thoughts and dwell on the essentials;
If you have to speak (not necessarily at a speech or meeting, it could be a business proposal, a request for an increase, an interview, a toast during a feast), think over the text in advance. You shouldn’t memorize it; the main thing is to understand its structure, in this case there will be less chance that you will go far from the topic of conversation;
Do not get involved in every conversation that does not concern you;
Immediately shut up, noticing that they have stopped listening to you or are listening out of politeness;
Work on yourself by performing a simple exercise - try to retell the text you read, conveying only the essence, main idea in a few sentences. The fewer words the better. This way you will learn to think about what you want to say to your interlocutor.
Remember that in society it is customary to consider talkativeness a sign of stupidity.
Verbosity is inherent in most people, both young and old, men and women... You need to understand the difference between empty chatter (but even it can be useful - she spoke out, and she feels good, calmed down, splashed out excess energy, just know the time and place and find the ears that they won’t mind listening to you) and an interesting conversation. When talking, a person uses both his tongue and his head; when he chats, he uses only his tongue.
However, people chatter various reasons. Sometimes even a taciturn person, say, when meeting a childhood friend whom he has not seen for a hundred years and is glad to meet again, can break through and you cannot close your mouth. What's wrong is that he is happy to see his comrade and they have something to talk about. Talkativeness helps us pass the time. It can be useful in developing communication skills and increasing vocabulary. However, it is best for development to choose a topic of conversation, for example, a book read or a movie watched, then communication will really be beneficial and enjoyable.
Along with the obvious disadvantages of human talkativeness, there are also important advantages. Chatterboxes know how to communicate (they have practiced this thoroughly throughout their lives), easily expand their personal circle of acquaintances (and even if not everyone trusts them with their secrets) and develop the necessary connections, most of them are excellent storytellers, in the end they act as psychologists in a conversation with people who have no one else to talk to, becoming for them a real salvation from melancholy and loneliness))).
If you are a fan of talking with or without reason, you should not eradicate this character trait in yourself entirely, know the limit, time and place, and remember possible harm which lies in excessive chatter and talkativeness.
Interesting fact about female talkativeness
Scientists have found that women, unlike men, have more vocabulary. The average woman has 23,000 words in her diet, while men use half that number. And if you also take into account the fact that a man has evening time the part of the brain responsible for speech functions, it becomes clear why he is not able to hold a conversation with his talkative wife.

Hello, dear blog readers! I hope you had a great weekend (even without new articles). I didn’t write because I was taking a “vacation”. Well, the reason for my mini-vacation is simple - I went home. I saw my parents, friends, and visited my cat. He’s already grown up... (I haven’t seen him for a month). By the way, he’s just like a cupcake: he eats cucumbers, potato skins, and even grumbles at the same time :) As they say, he’s all taken after me (since you’re not in the know: upd: already let go)).

Well, okay, I’m completely babbling, it’s about time... but wait, everything is fine! Why? Yes, because today I want to talk to you about excessive talkativeness. As an experienced chatterbox, I have something to tell.

Reasons

It all started back in primary school... I really wanted to talk, and I often got it for it. I remember once I made the teacher very angry, and she shouted and said: “ Roman, you are like a drum! " Yes, there was a time...

In general, in life, I really like to insert a word where it is necessary and not necessary. And if I start telling someone about my business/plans – uh, just write it down. I will lay out everything: what is necessary and what should not be said at all.

So, until recently, this didn’t bother me: I love to chat, and I love it - what’s wrong with that?

No! In fact disadvantages of this character trait there are, and very significant ones. But about the disadvantages a little later, let me first try to determine the main reasons for my (and maybe your) excessive “sociability”.

So, I see only two reasons:

1. dear (this includes the desire to show oneself with the best side, form something in society, etc.);
2. something innate (you must admit that not everyone is naturally given the ability to chatter like a magpie - some people won’t even say too much).

I think there is no need to explain these points further - everything is already clear here. If you have anything to add, write in the comments, I will be glad to add to this list.

So, now let's move on to the main disadvantages that come with being too talkative.

TOP 5 disadvantages of excessive talkativeness

Fifth place. A waste of time and effort.

Chatterboxes waste a lot of time. Most shining example: How many minutes a day do they spend on phone calls? Some of my friends talk for several hours a day - and this is the norm for them. Even special tariffs are included.

For me, as an obvious non-fan telephone conversations, just 3-5 minutes a day is enough - I usually don’t spend more. And it’s like nothing, he’s alive :)

Fourth place. People stop taking you seriously.

It's simple: the more you talk, the less serious you seem. Quite the opposite dependence.

Try now to remember the chatterbox from your environment and substitute him in the place of the director of the company or deputy. Looks stupid, doesn't it? (Zhirinovsky does not count).

Third place. Your words are worthless.

This point partly complements and explains the previous one. The more unnecessary words >>> the less their weight >>> the greater the “frivolity”. Everything ingenious, as they say, is simple.

Second place. You can shake too much.

This point is one of the most unpleasant. The feeling is especially disgusting when you just said something and suddenly realized that it would be better to remain silent. Even if you fall underground or turn back time - anything, just to get rid of this feeling.

First place. Dispersion of psychic energy.

This is where things get a little more complicated. In fact, due to excessive talkativeness, a person not only wastes his time and energy, but also spends his mental energy completely free of charge. For example, by heatedly discussing your future trip with everyone, you are simply giving away the same energy that would have been spent on moments that have not yet been realized, but are already being discussed.

In fact, there are many more such examples: I decided to make money on a blog, I started telling everyone around me that in three months I would receive $1000 without doing anything - but in the end I didn’t achieve anything, because I didn’t work, I just scratched tongue left and right.

How do I deal with this

And imagine how I felt when I understood all of the above? Probably the chatterboxes, who have now or previously realized their situation, understand me. " We need to get rid of this somehow- I decided. But how?

In principle, everything is not so difficult, the main thing is to put in a little effort. Personally, they help me avoid excessive talkativeness. following rules:

• communicate as little as possible with the same chatterboxes (well, you understand how it works);
• Before you say anything, think “why do I want to say this? what is behind this? (this is very difficult, but very effective - try it at least once or twice);
• try to arrange silent days (this works especially well when I’m left alone in the dorm on the weekend; basically, there’s no one to talk to, let alone chat with).

Let's summarize

Wow, well, I think I said everything and almost without unnecessary words. If among you, dear readers, there are chatterboxes, then don’t worry, you are not alone :) If you contact us, we’ll come up with something. And remember: excessive talkativeness is not a death sentence.

That's all. Good luck to you, dear readers, and all the best. Take care of your health, both physical and mental, and do not forget to visit my blog pages.

Something in lately I'm hooked on Ural dumplings: