Women's loneliness or freedom - a modern view. Loneliness - is it worth fighting? Pros of loneliness
Give up close relationships and be only alone with yourself... Let's figure out what is bad and good for a person to be alone?
Man, as we know, is not only a biological, but also a social creature. And therefore, each of us, it seems, is simply obliged to make friends, a soul mate, a family. But not everyone succeeds in this, and some voluntarily give up this in favor of loneliness, living life only with themselves. Some people think this is abnormal and unacceptable. Some people see in loneliness a certain romantic flair, and someone, on the contrary, is afraid of loneliness, tries to avoid it and fights with any accessible ways, while feeling sorry for those who are doomed to a lonely life. So what is loneliness, is it good or bad?
If we go back a few thousand years, the answer is clearly negative: loneliness is bad. Thus, a person doomed to loneliness was at the same time doomed to starvation. Feed yourself and survive without the support of other people it was extremely difficult and almost impossible, because food was obtained by a whole group of people, and they also defended themselves from the dangers that awaited them together. However, despite the fact that modern man is not in such danger, unlike his ancestors, and those times are long gone, some still believe that loneliness is abnormal and wrong, and to some extent suspicious , and outside of society a person is unable to survive. But is this really so?
From dangers, which loneliness carries within itself for modern man, one could perhaps call possible appearance and the development of depression, insomnia, alcohol abuse and narcotic substances. But this only applies to, so to speak, forced social isolation. What if loneliness is conscious choice? Indeed, in the 21st century there are much more careerists who refuse to build a family in favor of their favorite job than there were before, even compared to the last century. And many sociological research shows that large number adults who do not have a family or significant other are satisfied with their situation. In their opinion, being single is precisely what makes them self confidence, makes it possible to be easy-going, not to depend on anyone or anything, and, in the end, this is a sea of opportunities for climbing career ladder. And professional success for many people in the 21st century is much more important than building relationships with other people.
However, one way or another, a feeling of loneliness sooner or later “rolls over” any person, and this is normal. Who among us has not felt sad in the evening, considering ourselves abandoned, sitting waiting for news from friends or family? It is also normal that a person can feel absolutely comfortable in his loneliness. But a completely different problem is loneliness caused by social isolation, when a person wants and seeks communication, but does not receive it. He wants and seeks love, but does not find it. It is this loneliness that leads to the above-mentioned dangers and harmful addictions.
However, the reasons for this social isolation often it may not be the people around us and their attitude towards us, but ourselves. The radical way to solve such a problem, if the problem really is in the society around us, is, of course, to completely change our social circle. If you were not accepted in one group, you will definitely be accepted in another. But if it doesn’t work out again, then it’s worth thinking about what we’re doing wrong?
Perhaps you need to learn to compromise, become more friendly, socially active, and then everything will work out. After all, today loneliness to some extent can be called a wake-up call. After all, exactly the same as, for example, painful sensations in the body they make us understand that something in the body has gone wrong, and tells us about the need to solve the problem, loneliness makes it clear to a person that in his psychological system , system social connections There has been a breakdown.
But loneliness is not only an alarm bell and a problem. Often, although we ourselves do not know it, this is a whole sea of opportunities for ourselves.
Living at a frantic pace, plunging headlong into the daily bustle, modern man simply has no time for himself. And this is where loneliness, be it a conscious choice or that same alarm bell mentioned above, gives a person the opportunity to be alone with himself, to understand and rethink something, to get to know himself and his own better. inner world. After all, we often perceive ourselves only through the prism of our relationships with other people, in some ways adapting to them, revealing ourselves to ourselves only through relationships with others. Therefore, loneliness is a good reason and the right time, to study ourselves. This is what is called reflection. This is a great time for introspection. However, note, introspection, not soul-searching! Thus, we can say that it contributes to the development of a mature personality.
In addition to the above, this is an excellent opportunity not only to rethink something, but also to finally spend time on yourself. Fulfill your forgotten desires and dreams, achieve old goals and set new ones. Remember that the most dear person to you is yourself, which means you can finally devote your free time to yourself and do something you’ve long dreamed of. Travel, take walks, work more, learn new languages - options huge variety, and the choice is only yours.
Thus, we can say that loneliness, like everything else in this world, is useful V certain quantities for every person. And everyone creates their own comfort. Some people are comfortable spending time at noisy parties surrounded by a whole crowd of friends, some need one single close person nearby, and for some this person is themselves. And there is nothing abnormal in this, because it is only his choice.
It is quite difficult to understand whether a person is lonely or not: only he himself can assess his condition.
Someone lives independently, spends their evenings watching TV and feels great. The other is always the center of attention, at parties and in companies, but inside there is emptiness and feeling own uselessness, insignificance.
You can have ten friends in reality and five hundred in social networks and still be lonely. But is it really that bad?
Loneliness does not have the negative connotation supposedly inherent in the meaning of this word. It can be useful, necessary, productive, and desirable - depending on how a person feels and what he needs.
So, being in a company, he always feels uncomfortable, he is forced to “work” - communicate, smile, establish communication... And only in the silence of a secluded apartment does he feel good and free. For him, loneliness (at least temporary) is the key to inner comfort and relaxation.
On the contrary, it draws energy from outside. It is important for him to surround himself with people, to share his emotions and experiences with them, but when alone he experiences discomfort and inner emptiness.
Loneliness in the crowd
The feeling of “a stranger among one’s own” is increasingly being born in modern world, when the majority are passionate about their careers, gadgets and social networks, and pay little attention to real communication.
Gone are the good neighbors, evening walks with friends, three-hour conversations on the phone... Everyone is focused on themselves, distant from others, and because of this, misunderstanding arises - the first “bell” of loneliness.
Cons of loneliness
1) The feeling of being unnecessary to anyone (and at the same time, the understanding that you don’t need anyone either).
2) Boredom, monotonous pastime, habit and reluctance to change something.
3) Fear that in case of need and trouble there will be no one to turn to for help, no one to expect support and kind words from.
4) The oppressive silence in the apartment, when there is simply no one to talk to. 
5) Lack of care, attention, tenderness from loved ones.
6) The absence of a person nearby for whom you want to try, cook dinners, clean the house, become better and more beautiful.
7) There is no one to take your soul into difficult times life periods when it is important to speak out and cry.
However, loneliness should not be branded as a disease. modern society: for some, this “illness” is both pleasant and useful. Therefore, about the advantages this state we'll talk separately.
The benefits of solitude
Any mother of two or three children knows the feeling when being alone with your thoughts for at least an hour is vital. Meditate in silence over a cup of coffee, focus on your needs, indulge in your favorite hobby - you can only dream of such solitude!
I know one lady who annually sends her children to her grandmother in the Moscow region for 28 days, her husband to a camping trip with friends, and she herself takes a vacation, retires to a city apartment, watches women’s TV series all day long and enjoys doing handicrafts.
She calls this happy period " honeymoon loneliness."
Another friend of mine (a total introvert) not only lives alone and rarely attends friendly gatherings, but also quit his job. large company and started freelancing. Now he is at home almost 24 hours, both working and resting.
When asked if he was bored, he replied: “On the contrary, it’s comfortable, quiet and calm.
I began to work much more productively and earn more: no one pulls, criticizes, distracts, nags, or demands an account. There is no idle chatter or phone calls.
I am my own boss, and I feel like my self-esteem increases along with my qualifications.
And since I spend less energy socializing with colleagues, I finally have the desire to see my friends more often.”
Sometimes being alone is very useful for both self-development and reassessment of values. There is time to go to fitness and Spanish courses, read classics and watch cinematic masterpieces.
A lonely person, instead of empty meetings and conversations, will engage in self-improvement, increasing professionalism, and searching for new interests.
The undoubted advantage of being single is the opportunity to live the way you want and not depend on anyone. You can wander around the house in your pajamas, wake up in the afternoon on your day off, eat popcorn for dinner and watch a stupid comedy from a hundred years ago. And no one will judge you for it!
At all times, there were more single women than men, “because according to statistics, for every 10 girls there are 9 guys.” Jokes aside, finding a companion worthy of yourself and your ideas about your other half is actually not that easy.
When you are young, while you are studying, the number of contacts, and therefore potential partners, is much greater. But over time, it becomes more and more difficult to find them. Yes and life experience begins to suggest what type of men may still be interesting, and which ones are far from “format”.
Why does it happen that a woman or girl cannot find a suitable match?
Reasons for loneliness
Until the age of 25-30, there is a possibility of meeting your future husband, and with a good percentage of probability (descending). If this does not happen, then something is wrong with the fair sex herself. Girls who are too shy are far from relationships with guys. To overcome this quality in yourself, you need to understand the reason for its appearance, and then work on yourself, training confidence and awareness of your feminine attractiveness.
The second reason for failure personal life at a young age - an inferiority complex about appearance. If a girl suffers from awareness of her unattractiveness (or even ugliness), then a psychologist and stylist will help. Yes, accepting yourself “like this” is not easy. But there is a well-established expression: “there are no ugly women, there are lazy ones” - by the way, to the point (except for cases where there are congenital deformities - here, rather, the help of a plastic surgeon is needed).
The third reason is bad experience. Very strong reason, sometimes, experienced failures in your personal life give rise to complete disappointment in relationships. But many people still find their type loved one, it means there is an opportunity, not everything is so hopeless. We must continue to search, strive towards our happiness.
For ladies over 30 years of age, attempts to arrange their personal lives are sometimes very difficult: demands increase, demands on personal qualities human and not only. In addition, by this age, many men are already busy, and there are not many divorced people. The choice is limited, but there is still hope.
Some women are willing to turn a blind eye to shortcomings, as long as there is already a man in the house. But don’t rush, still evaluate for yourself how well you can get along with a specific person. To do this, pay attention to his habits (including bad ones) and hobbies.
As a rule, after 30 years, the stronger half takes root in certain hobbies such as fishing, football, motorsports, etc. Try to imagine how ready you will be to come to terms with this or that passion. After all, changing a person is a thankless and unnecessary task.
On the other hand, you can search for an ideal for a long time, for this reason many women remain alone because they have not met the man of their dreams: tall, handsome, slim, cheerful, smart, financially secure... you can continue ad infinitum.
However, in nature there are no ideal people; everyone has advantages and disadvantages. By the way, often it is precisely the shortcomings that give a person his special charm and uniqueness. And not all ladies had the thought: how to live with an ideal (if one were found). Too “sweet” - gets boring quickly. In general, any person is perceived by others as a whole, together with his individual traits. The only question is compatibility or incompatibility with a specific type. So it’s up to you to choose, just don’t disassemble the personality brick by brick, the integrity of nature is much more valuable.
For some women, being single is a conscious choice. Those. Considering themselves fully accomplished and self-sufficient, they completely reject relationships with men and at the moment and in the future. Let's look at the pros and cons of this situation.
Pros of loneliness:
— A single woman is left to her own devices and can spend everything she has free time for hobbies and hobbies, or for chatting with a friend in a cafe, for example.
— She does not limit herself in relationships with men: she is not obliged to anyone and is free to do whatever she wants.
- She is not burdened with household chores, she can afford not to clean the house, not cook or wash dishes regularly.
- Has the opportunity to devote a lot of time to his beloved, self-care by visiting beauty salons, solariums, fitness centers and other establishments.
Disadvantages of female loneliness
So the problem of loneliness must be solved without giving up, without losing heart. You just need to really want and believe in your dream.
Women who are afraid of loneliness have always lived and will live on earth. They often marry people who are completely unsuitable for them and live, enduring humiliation and betrayal, only because they are afraid of being alone.
They come up with various epithets: "burden of loneliness", "captivity of loneliness", but married life can be an even heavier burden and terrible captivity. And loneliness has many advantages, which I want to tell readers about today from the pages of the Korolevnam.ru magazine.
Family life is not a panacea?
Family life always begins with a happy smile, bright prospects, and plans for the future. And divorce is always difficult, no matter what caused it.
My heart breaks from the realization that for so many years I believed someone who cannot be trusted, that I opened my soul to someone who did not need it, and how can I trust anyone at all now.
Perhaps it is precisely because of these borderline states that the stereotype has developed that loneliness is bad and scary.
You shouldn’t give in to emotions, emotions will pass, but loneliness will remain, and if you learn to see its advantages, it can become a friend.
Pros and cons of loneliness
I have been living alone for six years now. For a long time It took me to understand that alcoholism is not so much a disease as a way of life that does not suit me at all. And then I left my husband and filed for divorce.
Loneliness is a plus
At first, I just slept, no one came home in the middle of the night, didn’t stomp, didn’t turn on the lights in all the rooms, didn’t sort things out.
That's how I found out about The first advantage of loneliness is the ability to sleep when you want and as much as you want.
When I got up to the stove, I wanted to sing: I didn’t have to rack my brains about what to cook so that my husband and I would like it at the same time.
He hated beets, pasta, beef and sausages, and it was not always possible to cook separate dishes.
Now I can calmly stew a whole pan of beets and not think about cooking for a couple of days.
In shops or on a walk in park flirted with strangers, and no one made scenes of jealousy and hours of interrogation.
A little about the cons
Of course, a single woman, especially if she is still raising children, has a difficult responsibility. material support your family. And in a hectic time of reforms and crises, this may seem like a big minus of loneliness.
But there’s nothing to worry about here either, and a minus can easily be turned into a plus. There are a lot of open vacancies and it’s not difficult to find a job you like. Nowadays, many organizations provide training to employees when hiring. So even if you don’t really know how to do anything, you have a great chance to learn something new.
Mastering a new type of activity will give impetus to personal development. And if you like the work, professionalism and an increase in salary will come, and with them confidence in yourself and your abilities.
When you are sitting at work, and in your thoughts: “What to cook for dinner, and the laundry is up to the ceiling, and the tomatoes are ripe - the tomato needs to be boiled, but today he will come sober or drunk, and what if he brings more guests,”- where can one think about personal growth. I would have enough strength to have dinner and walk to bed.
In addition to material security, also as a minus of a woman’s loneliness is lack of sex.
Who actually said that you can’t have sex alone? It is not at all necessary to live together in order to sometimes give each other joy. Moreover, our men are sure that we want to get married (that’s right, they’ve been listening for so many years that there aren’t enough of them), and when you say that you live well alone, a spark of genuine interest lights up in their eyes.
Time passes, and they understand that this woman will not tolerate their whims just for the sake of having pants nearby, which means that this woman can and should be respected.
Let's sum it up
So, what advantages have we found in being a woman alone:
Firstly , the opportunity to go to bed when you want, and not when your husband has watched “Universal Soldier” for the 100th time.
Secondly , the opportunity to cook only your favorite dishes or not to cook at all, but to eat semi-finished products (not all women have a love of cooking).
Fourth , the opportunity to flirt and have affairs.
Fifthly , washing fewer items, which saves both time and money. It just seems that the cost per wash is small (water, powder, electricity). What if there are 5-6 of these washes per month? What if it's 15?
Sixth , the ability to choose a field of activity without regard to someone else’s opinion. Parents, even if they don’t understand, will still support, and children will be pleased to see a calm and confident mother. Moreover, they will project her condition onto themselves, which will have a good effect on their personal growth.
Seventh , you can stay late at work without fear of jealousy. You can stay with a friend. Yes, you don’t have to come to spend the night at all! (IN the latter case You definitely need to warn the children or send them to a friend or grandmother for the night.)
Eighth , you can get completely drunk (drunk, drunk, whatever you like), and no one will blame you. Of course, you shouldn’t drink too much, but it won’t hurt to relax from time to time. Children at the sight drunk mom At first they are puzzled, and then have a long time of fun remembering.
Since the overall volume of household chores is decreasing, you can create a schedule for yourself and manage everything.
Well, for example, like this: Monday - cleaning, Tuesday - cooking, Wednesday - washing, Thursday - twisting cans, and so on in any order and sequence. On a weekend, you can lie on the couch with a book from morning to evening or go somewhere with your children.
All listed factors in total they bring calm, and calm is an indispensable condition for a healthy psyche.
I'm not saying that everyone married women I urgently need to get a divorce and live alone. If you have a good, caring husband, if mutual respect and understanding are firmly established in your family, if you “look together in the same direction,” I can only wish many years your marriage.
I just want to encourage those women who have not yet met their man or have met the wrong one.
Do not despair, do not consider the years lived in vain. Better use them to grow and develop your personality, become self-sufficient, love and respect yourself.
Only the unknown is scary, and now you know everything about loneliness and its advantages!
People are divided into two categories: some are looking for how to overcome loneliness, others are looking for how to enjoy it. However, the fear of being alone is one of the main fears of the fair half of humanity, and therefore finding a positive in this problem is the lot of the wise...
SOCIETY CONDENSES - THIS IS A MINUS
Society most often demands: be like everyone else, and a single woman is perceived, so to speak, less valuable when there is no partner nearby. Look: if a man is single, this is an asset to him, because he is a potential groom. If a woman is lonely, those around her feel sorry for her, sympathize with her, and try to introduce her to someone. For example, a married lady with three children and a drunkard husband calls her lonely friend, while her friend is taking a bath with a strawberry mask on her face. “Lyusenka,” says the married woman, “when I think that you’re there alone, my heart bleeds!” This cute anecdote is not so far from life.
The unfulfilled personal life of daughters is a headache for mothers. And they openly make fun of the “old maid”, calling her a “blue stocking” or a “little one” behind her back. The townsfolk whisper: “Nobody takes it” or stamp it with the offensive word “abandoned”. People often try to avoid single people married friends- as possible homewreckers. They also irritate their ringed friends, they say, we spend all day running around the house, torn between our husbands and children, putting up with hated mothers-in-law, but this one can do nothing, live for herself...
LESS RESPONSIBILITY AND OBLIGATIONS IS A PLUS
Yes, indeed, a single woman has more opportunities to pay attention to herself. There is an opportunity to cook less often, clean her house without fanaticism, in a word, relax. You can do those things that irritated your partner so much, for example, walk around the house in a robe, hang clothes on chairs, dye your hair the color that not your husband likes, but she likes. You don’t have to save on cosmetics and perfume, because she manages the budget herself and doesn’t have to account for the money spent. He no longer bothers: “Why do you need another dress? I already like you!” No one makes comments, does not sneer at her plump figure, does not laugh at her hobbies. And the bad habits of your ex (husband, partner, lover) do not irritate you, because no one comes home angry and irritated, does not throw dirty socks around, does not snore...
SELF-ESTEEM IS LOWERED - THIS IS A MINUS
The fear of being lonely is so strong among women that it can completely distort the real picture of the world. Many are ashamed of their loneliness; this pushes them into loveless marriages, sometimes into unequal relationships. During a divorce, their offended pride does not allow them to look at those around them soberly, without emotion, and to understand that there are no hopeless situations, but only critical ones, from which there is always a way out. Unfortunately, for many, an inferiority complex blooms like a bright bouquet, and self-esteem plummets. Having once experienced pain and disappointment, a woman, instead of enduring the test with dignity, falls into a generalization and perceives all men as enemies, feeling sorry for herself. The eternal external blaming syndrome prevents her from critically assessing her behavior, because both partners are always to blame for the breakdown of a relationship. Many are also lonely because their demands are absolutely unreasonably high - one is waiting for a prince on a white horse, the other for an oligarch... It’s called “Cinderella Syndrome”. You can go to the other extreme: changing men like gloves in order to prove to yourself your importance, attractiveness, and necessity. How can one not remember that a self-sufficient, self-confident woman will never try to please her, she is liked anyway. Often women loudly declare their independence from men, fall into false feminism, and at night cry into their pillows, “embracing the emptiness.”
THE ABILITY TO PERCEIVE LONELINESS AS A GIFT IS A PLUS
According to Bernard Shaw, being able to endure and enjoy solitude is a great gift. Connoisseur female soul Honore de Balzac said that “loneliness is a wonderful thing, but you need someone to tell you that solitude is a wonderful thing.” Alas, none of us is immune from losses, but the ability to find positive things in them helps us survive temporary suffering. This is something like a lifebuoy in the ocean of life. A woman who, for one reason or another, is left alone, figuratively speaking, is like a fallow field. For some time nothing will grow there. You need to take a break from the affair (or marriage), take stock, understand your mistakes and mistakes. Move away from the insults and hardships of a failed personal life or try, no matter how hard it may be, to come to terms with the death of your spouse. It would be nice to become a kind of philosopher, when you turn your own pain into wisdom. They say overcoming difficulties is one of the pleasures of life. It would be good to follow this postulate, and not indulge in universal sadness, as if the whole world had insulted you...
IT HAS A NEGATIVE AFFECT ON HEALTH - THIS IS A MINUS
You need to be able to distinguish between the concepts of “being lonely” and the feeling of inner loneliness. As they say, the worst loneliness is being alone together, the presence of a person nearby who does not understand you. However, various kinds of diseases can occur in both cases, because prolonged experiences and dissatisfaction with oneself weaken the immune system. Hence the weakness and chronic fatigue, and insomnia, as well as inflammation, arthritis, etc. By the way, loneliness is not the same as the love of solitude, in which a person is much more comfortable than with someone. According to Doctor of Philosophy, psychoanalyst, writer Nazip Khamitov, communication is an inhalation, and solitude is an exhalation. The personality must breathe...
SINGLE WOMEN LOOK BETTER THAN MARRIED WOMEN - THIS IS A PLUS
“You look good,” one friend says to another, “are you rested or divorced?” Indeed, a free woman gets better sleep, spends less time at the kitchen open-hearth, spends more time in nature, and all this has a beneficial effect on her appearance. If the stress associated with loneliness contributes to the release of adrenaline and renewal, then nothing threatens your health. The belief that the situation will change for the better and that the marriage resource has not yet been exhausted gives a woman strength and the ability to withstand troubles. Many people start doing fitness, dancing, going to the pool, and communicating more with friends. Often, during periods of forced pause, hitherto unknown talents are revealed, paintings are created, books are written. Sublimation is a great thing - this is how nature protects the beautiful half of humanity. When a woman regains self-confidence and loves herself, those around her will feel it, so that in the near future she may have a meeting with her beloved.
Well, if loneliness cannot be avoided, maybe it’s worth making friends with it and temporarily settling into a new situation?
