How to influence people - advice from psychologists. psychological tricks to manipulate people

Incredible facts

Before we begin, it is worth noting that none of the methods listed below fall under what can be called the “dark art of influencing” people. Anything that could harm a person or affect his dignity is not included here.

These are ways to win friends and influence people using psychology without making anyone feel bad about themselves.

Psychological tricks

10. Ask for favors

Trick: Ask someone to do a favor for you (known as the Benjamin Franklin effect).

Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win the favor of a man who didn't like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked him very kindly.

As a result, the man who didn't really want to even talk to Franklin became friends with him. In the words of Franklin: “He who has once done you a good deed will be more disposed to do something good for you again than one to whom you yourself are indebted.”

Scientists decided to test this theory, and eventually found that those people whom the researcher asked for a personal favor were much more favorable towards the specialist compared to other groups of people.

Influence on human behavior

9. Aim Higher

The trick: always ask for more than you initially need, and then lower the bar.

This technique is sometimes called the "door-in-the-face approach." You are approaching a person with a really too high request, which he will most likely refuse.

After that you come back with a request for a "lower rank" namely, what you really need from this person.

This trick may seem counterintuitive to you, but the idea is that the person will feel bad after rejecting you. However, he will explain this to himself as the unreasonableness of the request.

Therefore, the next time you approach him with your real need, he will feel obligated to help you.

Scientists, after testing this principle in practice, came to the conclusion that it actually works, because a person who is first approached with a very “big” request, and then returns to him and asks for a small one, feels that he can help you he should.

The influence of a name on a person

8. Say names

Trick: Use the person's name or title depending on the situation.

He emphasizes that a person's name in any language is the sweetest combination of sounds for him. Carnegie says that a name is the main component of human identity, therefore, when we hear it, we once again receive confirmation of our importance.

This is why we feel more positive towards a person who confirms our importance in the world.

However, using a title or other form of address in a speech can also have a strong impact. The idea is that if you behave like a certain type of person, then you will become that person. This is somewhat like a prophecy.

To use this technique to influence other people, you can address them as you would like them to be. As a result, they will begin to think of themselves in this way.

It's very simple if you want to get close to a certain person, then call him “friend”, “comrade” more often. Or, when referring to someone you would like to work for, you can call him "boss." But keep in mind that sometimes this can backfire on you.

The influence of words on a person

7. Flatter

The trick: Flattery can get you where you need to go.

This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely cause more harm than good.

However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have discovered several very important things.

Simply put, people always try to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way.

Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and sincere flattery He will like you more because the flattery will match what he thinks about himself.

However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem is suffering, then it is possible negative consequences. It is likely that he will treat you worse because it does not intersect with how he perceives himself.

Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.

Ways to influence people

6. Mirror other people's behavior

The trick: Be a mirror image of the other person's behavior.

Mirroring behavior is also known as mimicry, and it is something that certain types of people have in their nature.

People with this skill are called chameleons because they try to blend in with their environment by copying others' behavior, mannerisms, and even speech. However, this skill can be used quite consciously, and this great way in order to please.

Researchers have studied mimicry and found that those who were copied were very favorably disposed towards the person who copied them.

Experts also came to another, more interesting conclusion. They found that people who had role models had significantly more favorable attitudes toward people in general, even those who weren't involved in the study.

It is likely that the reason for this reaction lies in the following. Having someone who mirrors your behavior validates your worth. People feel more confident in themselves, thus they are happier and have good attitude towards other people.

Psychology of influencing people

5. Take advantage of fatigue

Trick: ask for a favor when you see that the person is tired.

When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to any information, be it a simple statement about something or a request. The reason is that when a person gets tired, it happens not only in physical level, his mental energy is also depleted.

When you make a request to a tired person, most likely you will not get a definite answer right away, but will hear: “I will do it tomorrow,” because he will not want to make any decisions for at the moment.

The next day, most likely, the person will actually comply with your request, because on a subconscious level, most people try to keep their word, so we make sure that what we say matches what we do.

Psychological influence on a person

4. Offer something that a person cannot refuse

The trick: start the conversation with something that the other person can't refuse, and you will achieve what you need.

This reverse side"door in the face" approach. Instead of starting the conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in small ways, or simply agrees to something, you can use the “heavy artillery.”

Experts have tested this theory using marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for protecting rainforests and environment, which is a very simple request.

Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to persuade people to buy products that promote this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another.

Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.

Techniques for influencing people

3. Stay calm

The trick: don't correct a person when he's wrong.

In his famous book, Carnegie also emphasized that one should not tell people that they are wrong. This, as a rule, will lead to nothing, and you will simply fall out of favor with this person.

There is actually a way to show disagreement while still having a polite conversation, without telling anyone that they are wrong, but by striking the other person's ego to the core.

The method was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea is quite simple: instead of arguing, listen to what the person is saying and then try to understand how they feel and why.

You should then explain to the person the points you share with them and use that as a starting point to clarify your position. This will make him more sympathetic to you and he will be more likely to listen to what you have to say without losing face.

The influence of people on each other

2. Repeat the words of your interlocutor

The trick: paraphrase what the person says and repeat what they said.

This is one of the most amazing ways to influence other people. This way you show your interlocutor that you really understand him, capture his feelings and your empathy is sincere.

That is, by paraphrasing the words of your interlocutor, you will achieve his favor very easily. This phenomenon is known as reflective listening.

Studies have shown that when doctors use this technique, people open up more to them and their “collaboration” is more fruitful.

It's easy to use when chatting with friends too. If you listen to what they say and then rephrase what they said, forming a question for confirmation, they will feel very comfortable with you.

You will have a stronger friendship and they will listen more actively to what you have to say because you have managed to show that you care about them.

Methods of influencing people

1. Nod your head

Trick: Nod your head a little during a conversation, especially if you want to ask your interlocutor for something.

Scientists have discovered that when a person nods while listening to someone, he more likely agrees with what was said. They also found that if the person you are talking to nods, most of the time you will also nod.

This is understandable, because people often unconsciously imitate the behavior of another person, especially one with whom interaction will benefit them. So if you want to add weight to what you say, nod regularly while speaking.

The person you're talking to will have a hard time not nodding and will begin to feel positive about the information you're presenting without even realizing it.

For example, to take a break from influence at work, we need a vacation. It’s good when a vacation on the Black Sea lasts as long as possible. And in May you can go to Odessa on the seashore, to a hotel surrounded by greenery, a sandy beach and inhaling the aromas of flowering steppes, say: "Anna Maria!".

When you have rested, it would be good to figure out who has a strong influence on you. Let's figure it out.

All methods of psychological influence can be divided into several groups, which include various methods of influence:

1. Effect of infection

It implies the transfer of mental and emotional state from one person to another. Typically, the contagion effect occurs unconsciously. This, by the way, is where the well-known expression “infected with laughter” comes from. If a person spends some time among people prone to panic, then soon he himself will involuntarily begin to panic. The same applies to fear, anger and other strong feelings. The transfer of psycho-emotional information acts directly on the subconscious of the person who is “infected”.

2. Suggestion

This method of influence is carried out through words. The carrier information should be as compressed as possible, but very capacious in its information content. Here, the person himself also plays a huge role, trying to instill something in others. He must have a fairly high authority among those inspired and have boundless confidence in himself and in what he says. This method of influence has several forms: hypnosis, suggestion while awake and suggestion during a period of complete relaxation. However, there are people who are very weakly susceptible to any suggestion. Basically, these are those who have experienced some strong shocks in life.

3. Persuasion

This type of influence on people is aimed directly at a person’s consciousness in order to “convey” some specific information to the person’s mind. The effectiveness of such influence depends on the level of intelligence and education of the person being persuaded. Convince simpler than a person with a logical and highly intelligent mind. The hardest thing to apply this method will be on people with low level intelligence and difficult character. Persuasion is based mainly on the logical content of information.

4. Imitation

Imitation usually occurs on a subconscious level. This type of influence is especially strong when the object of imitation is smarter, stronger, or has some other qualities that the suggested person would like to have. He can copy the manner of speaking, habits, clothing and even gait. Such people sometimes themselves do not notice that they are imitating someone, since this is done unconsciously.

Before we begin, it is worth noting that none of the methods listed below fall under what can be called the “dark art of influencing” people. Anything that could harm a person or affect his dignity is not included here. These are ways to win friends and influence people using psychology without making anyone feel bad about themselves.

Ask for a favor

Cunning: Ask someone to do a favor for you (known as the Benjamin Franklin effect). Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win the favor of a man who didn't like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked him very kindly. As a result, the man who didn't really want to even talk to Franklin became friends with him. In the words of Franklin: “He who has once done you a good deed will be more disposed to do something good for you again than one to whom you yourself are indebted.” Scientists decided to test this theory, and eventually found that those people whom the researcher asked for a personal favor were much more favorable towards the specialist compared to other groups of people.
Influence on human behavior

Aim higher

Cunning: always ask for more than you initially need and then lower the bar. This technique is sometimes called the “door-in-the-face approach.” You turn to a person with a request that is really too high, which he will most likely refuse. After that, you return with a “lower rank” request, namely with what you actually need from this person. This trick may seem counterintuitive to you, but the idea is that the person will feel bad after rejecting you. However, he will explain this to himself as the unreasonableness of the request. Therefore, the next time you turn to him with your real need, he will feel obligated to help you. Scientists, after testing this principle in practice, came to the conclusion that it actually works, because the person who is first approached with a very “big” request, and then return to him and ask for a small one, he feels that it is he who should help you.

The influence of a name on a person.

Call names

Cunning: Use the person's name or title as appropriate. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, believes that mentioning a person's name frequently in conversation is incredibly important. He emphasizes that a person’s name in any language is the sweetest combination of sounds for him. Carnegie says that a name is the main component of human identity, therefore, when we hear it, we once again receive confirmation of our importance. This is why we feel more positive towards a person who confirms our importance in the world. However, using a title or other form of address in a speech can also have a strong impact. The idea is that if you behave like a certain type of person, then you will become that person. This is somewhat like a prophecy. To use this technique to influence other people, you can address them as you would like them to be. As a result, they will begin to think of themselves in this way. It’s very simple, if you want to get closer to a certain person, then call him “friend”, “comrade” more often. Or, when referring to someone you would like to work for, you can call him “boss.” But keep in mind that sometimes this can backfire on you.

The influence of words on a person.

Flatter

Cunning: flattery can get you where you need to go. This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely do more harm than good. However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have discovered several very important things. Simply put, people always try to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way. Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and the flattery is sincere, he will like you more, because the flattery will coincide with what he thinks about himself. However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem is suffering, there may be negative consequences.

It is likely that he will treat you worse because it does not intersect with how he perceives himself. Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.

Ways to influence people.

Reflect other people's behavior

Cunning: Be a mirror image of the other person's behavior. Mirroring behavior is also known as mimicry, and it is something that certain types of people have in their nature. People with this skill are called chameleons because they try to blend in with their environment by copying others' behavior, mannerisms, and even speech. However, this skill can be used quite deliberately and is a great way to get liked. Researchers studied mimicry and found that those who were copied had very favorable attitudes towards the person who copied them. Experts also came to another, more interesting conclusion. They found that people who had role models had significantly more favorable attitudes toward people in general, even those who weren't involved in the study. It is likely that the reason for this reaction lies in the following. Having someone who mirrors your behavior validates your worth. People feel more confident in themselves, thus they are happier and have good attitude towards other people.

Psychology of influencing people.

Take advantage of fatigue

Cunning: ask for a favor when you see that the person is tired. When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to any information, be it a simple statement about something or a request. The reason is that when a person gets tired, it is not only on the physical level, his mental energy reserves are also depleted. When you make a request to a tired person, most likely you will not get a definite answer right away, but will hear: “I will do it tomorrow,” because he will not want to make any decisions at the moment. The next day, most likely, the person will actually comply with your request, because on a subconscious level, most people try to keep their word, so we make sure that what we say matches what we do.

Psychological influence per person.

Offer something that a person cannot refuse

Cunning: start the conversation with something that the other person cannot refuse, and you will achieve what you need. This is the flip side of the door-in-the-face approach. Instead of starting the conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in small ways, or simply agrees to something, you can use the “heavy artillery.” Experts have tested this theory using marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for protecting the rainforests and the environment, which is a very simple request. Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to convince people to buy products that contribute to this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another. Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.

Techniques for influencing people.

Keep calm

Cunning: You should not correct a person when he is wrong. In his famous book, Carnegie also emphasized that one should not tell people that they are wrong. This, as a rule, will lead to nothing, and you will simply fall out of favor with this person. There is actually a way to show disagreement while still having a polite conversation, without telling anyone that they are wrong, but by striking the other person's ego to the core. The method was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea is quite simple: instead of arguing, listen to what the person is saying and then try to understand how they feel and why. You should then explain to the person the points you share with them and use that as a starting point to clarify your position. This will make him more sympathetic to you and he will be more likely to listen to what you have to say without losing face.

The influence of people on each other.

Repeat the words of your interlocutor

Cunning: paraphrase what the person says and repeat what they said. This is one of the most amazing ways to influence other people. This way you show your interlocutor that you really understand him, capture his feelings and your empathy is sincere. That is, by paraphrasing the words of your interlocutor, you will achieve his favor very easily. This phenomenon is known as reflective listening. Studies have shown that when doctors use this technique, people open up more to them and their “collaboration” is more fruitful. It's easy to use when chatting with friends too. If you listen to what they have to say and then rephrase what they said, forming a question for confirmation, they will feel very comfortable with you. You will have a stronger friendship and they will listen more actively to what you have to say because you have managed to show that you care about them.

Methods of influencing people.

Nod your head

Cunning: Nod your head a little during a conversation, especially if you want to ask your interlocutor for something. Scientists have found that when a person nods while listening to someone, they are more likely to agree with what is being said. They also found that if the person you are talking to nods, most of the time you will also nod. This is understandable because people often unconsciously imitate the behavior of another person, especially one with whom interaction will benefit them. So if you want to add weight to what you say, nod regularly while speaking. The person you're talking to will have a hard time not nodding and will begin to feel positive about the information you're presenting without even realizing it.

Nothing happens “just like that”—emotions do not arise, feelings and sympathies are not born. Whether you feel sad or happy, whether you like it or not - all emotions pass through the subconscious. You don't notice most of what's stored in it, and as a result you think that all feelings are "random."

Now imagine that you know how to plant a thought or feeling in another person's subconscious. There are huge opportunities before you, you just need to practice.

Built-in Commands - Speech Traps

An embedded message is a part of a phrase that is emphasized by intonation or gesture. A person may not pay attention to it, but it has already made its way into the subconscious and settled there.

How does this work: you say to your nervous friend: “I had an acquaintance who, even during a search, behaved calm and confident" You pronounce the part of the phrase in italics with a different intonation. The person who is listening to you is thinking about your friend or the search, and at this time the built-in command “calmly and confidently” orders him to behave this way.

Another example: You need to create a friendly atmosphere in the company, make people feel relaxed and comfortable. You begin to tell any story, emphasizing words such as “pleasant”, “relaxed”, “happiness” with intonation. The story could be about your favorite cat, a new movie, or last weekend's adventures. People pick up on positive words and automatically apply them to themselves as a command to relax and be happy. As a result, the atmosphere will become more fun and relaxed.

Rules of hidden influence

Remember, the most important thing about hidden commands is the two levels of perception. Do not combine them in meaning, otherwise your command will only influence consciousness.

The phrase: “Let’s relax and have fun now” will not help strong effect. People will understand your call, it will not penetrate their subconscious, and you will see the same sad faces. And if you tell any story with hidden commands: “Last Friday we relaxed be in a bar on N street, and fun was just beginning,” the mood in the company will gradually improve.

Clear intonation

Change your intonation only on the phrase that needs to be highlighted. All other words surrounding your hidden commands should sound normal, otherwise the effect will be washed out. You can even use short pauses before and after the hidden command.

Attention to words

You need to be extremely careful and attentive with hidden commands. Beware of negative hidden commands, they can not only create Bad mood from a person, but also provide you with antipathy on his part.

Practice with your surroundings - tell a couple of stories and see how the mood of a friend or employee changes.

Just don’t expect miracles - if your friend’s wife left and took away half of the furniture, your story with the “relaxation and joy” command is unlikely to make him incredibly happy.

1. Ask for a favor

We're talking about an effect known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. One day, Franklin needed to win the favor of a man who didn’t like him very much. Then Franklin politely asked this man to lend him a rare book and, having received what he wanted, thanked him even more politely. Previously, this person avoided even talking to him, but after this incident they became friends.

This story repeats itself over and over again. The point is that someone who has done you a favor once will be more willing to do it again compared to someone who owes you something. The explanation is simple - a person decides that since you are asking him for something, then if necessary, you yourself will respond to his request, so he should do the same as you.

2. Demand more

This technique is called the "door to the forehead." You need to ask the person to do more than you in reality want to receive from him. You can also ask to do something ridiculous. Most likely he will refuse. Soon after, feel free to ask for what you wanted in the first place - the person will feel bad for refusing you the first time, and if you now ask for something reasonable, they will feel obligated to help.

3. Call the person by name

The famous American psychologist Dale Carnegie believes that calling a person by name is incredibly important. Given name for any person this is the most pleasant combination of sounds. It is an essential part of life, so its utterance seems to confirm for a person the fact of his own existence. And this, in turn, makes you feel positive emotions in relation to the one who pronounces the name.

The use of a title has the same effect social status or the form of address itself. If you behave a certain way, you will be treated that way. For example, if you call a person your friend, he will soon feel friendly feelings towards you. And if you want to work for someone, call him boss.

4. Flatter

At first glance, the tactic is obvious, but there are some caveats. If your flattery doesn't seem sincere, it will do more harm than good. Researchers have found that people tend to seek cognitive balance by trying to keep their thoughts and feelings aligned. So if you flatter people with high self-esteem and the flattery sounds sincere, they will like you because you will validate their own thoughts. But flattery towards people with low self-esteem can lead to negative feelings because your words contradict their opinion of themselves. Of course, this does not mean that such people should be humiliated - you definitely won’t win their sympathy that way.

5. Reflect

Reflection is also known as mimicry. Many people use this method naturally, without even thinking about what they are doing: they automatically copy other people's behavior, manner of speech and even gestures. But this technique can be used completely consciously.

People tend to treat better those who are similar to them. An equally curious fact is that if during a recent conversation someone “reflected” a person’s behavior, then for some time this person will be more pleasant to communicate with other people, even if they had nothing to do with that conversation. The reason is most likely the same as in the case of calling by name - the behavior of the interlocutor confirms the very fact of the existence of the person.

6. Take advantage of your opponent's fatigue

When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to other people's words, be it a request or a statement. The reason is that fatigue not only affects the body, but also reduces mental energy levels. When you ask a tired person for a favor, you will probably get an answer like “Okay, I’ll do it tomorrow” - because at the moment the person does not want to solve any more problems. But the next day the person will most likely fulfill his promise - people, as a rule, try to keep their word, because otherwise they get psychological discomfort.

7. Offer something that would be difficult to refuse

This is the opposite technique to point number two. Instead of making a big request right away, try starting small. If a person helps you with something minor, he will be more willing to fulfill a more important request.

Scientists have tested this method in relation to marketing. They began to encourage people to express support for the environment and the conservation of the rainforest. Pretty easy request, right? When people completed what was required, they were asked to buy food - all proceeds will be used to preserve these very forests, of course. Most people did this too.

However, be careful: you should not first ask for one thing and then immediately ask for something completely different. It is much more effective to wait a day or two.

8. Know how to listen

Telling someone that they are wrong is not the best best way win over a person. The effect will most likely be the opposite. There is another way to express disagreement without making an enemy. For example, listen to what your interlocutor says and try to understand how he feels and why. Then you will find something in common in your seemingly opposing opinions and can use this to explain your position. Express your agreement first - this way the person will be more attentive to your subsequent words.

9. Repeat after your interlocutor

One of the most effective ways to win over a person and show that you really understand him is to rephrase that what he says. Say the same thing, only in your own words. This technique is also known as reflective listening. This is what psychotherapists often do - people tell them more about themselves, and an almost friendly relations.

This technique is easy to use when talking with friends. Formulate the phrase they just said as a question - this way you will show that you listened carefully and understood the person, and he will be more comfortable with you. He will also listen more to your opinion because you have already made it clear that he is interested in you.
not indifferent.

10. Nod

When people nod while listening to something, it usually means that they agree with the speaker. And it is natural for a person to assume that when someone nods when talking to him, this also means agreement. This is the same effect of mimicry. So nod throughout the conversation with the person - later this will help you convince the interlocutor that you are right