Computer science teacher Svetlana Leonidovna Lapina

I want to be a pilot, I want to be a pilot.
And if I don’t, I’ll go to plumbing.
I stuck it in, inserted it, and it started flowing.
I stuck it in, inserted it, and it started flowing.

I want to be a scientist, I want to be a scientist.
And if I’m not, I’ll become a teacher.
Opened, closed - 2, 2, 2.
Opened, closed - 2, 2, 2.

I want to be a director, I want to be a director.
And if I’m not, I’ll go to McDonald’s.
Free cash register, free cash register, your order.
Free cash register, free cash register, your order.

I want to be a surgeon, I want to be a surgeon.
And if I’m not, I’ll become a nurse.

One injection, two injections, an enema.

I want to be an official, I want to be an official.
And if I don’t, I’ll go to the hairdressers.
Chick-chick, now wear a wig.
Chick-chick, now wear a wig.

I want to be a stylist, I want to be a stylist.
And if I’m not, I’ll go to work as a cleaner.
I wiped it here, wiped it there - clean, clean.
I wiped it here, wiped it there - clean, clean.

I want to be a dancer, I want to be a dancer.
And if I’m not, I’ll become a milkmaid.
Finish it, Buryonka, come on, come on.
Finish it, Buryonka, come on, come on.

Someone alone: ​​So, don’t worry, dear teachers, we definitely won’t be left without work!

Teacher and students at the lesson. Children play with phones and do not listen to the teacher.

Teacher: Guys, tomorrow will be a very unusual day at school!

High school student 1: Hooray!!! You don't have to go to school!!!

High school student 2: Let's go to the cinema!

High School Student 3: No, it's better to go to the skating rink!

Teacher: Let me finish! Don't interrupt!

High school student 1:

(The other students nod)

Teacher: Tomorrow is understudy day at school, you will have to play the role of teachers and conduct lessons in the fifth grade!

High school student 1: Wow! That's great!

High school student 2: These kids will dance with me!

High School Student 3: I can't wait for tomorrow!

Teacher: Guys, do you think it’s easy to be a teacher?

High school student 1: Certainly! Command yourself, and the children obey you!

Teacher: Is it easy to get children to obey?

High school student 2: Easier than that!!!

Teacher: Well, okay, we'll see tomorrow! The lesson is over, you can be free.

THE NEXT DAY

(High school student 1 enters the classroom, fifth graders are playing, fighting, making noise)

High school student 1: Quiet, children!

Fifth grader 1: Yes, here it is!

(everyone laughs)

High school student 1: I told someone quietly!

Fifth grader 2: Who did you tell? (looks around)

High school student 1: Today I am your history teacher, and I want to tell you about how people lived in Ancient Rome.

Fifth grader 3: We lived normally, don’t worry!

(all three play games on cell phones)

High school student 1: Put your phones away!!!

Fifth graders (all in chorus): It's a pity, isn't it?!

High school student 1 (throwing up his hands): OK. Listen. In Ancient Rome people...

(The children begin to talk to each other)

High school student 1: QUIET!!!

Fifth grader 4: What's wrong? We also want to talk!

High school student 1: What horror! Well, okay, go, lesson is over!

THE NEXT DAY

The teacher and three high school students gathered in class.

Teacher: Well, how did you guys like being teachers?

High school student 1 : Terrible! They weren't allowed to talk at all! I tried so hard, prepared for three hours for this lesson, but they didn’t care at all!

High school student 2: And in my geography class, these fifth-graders played with phones the entire lesson!

High School Student 3: And at my singing lesson they threw papers and ate chips under the desk. And at the end of the lesson they actually started a fight!

Teacher: Guys, now think about what it’s like for your teachers when you behave in the same way in class!

(students are silent)

Teacher: Is it easy to be a teacher, guys?

High school student 1: I realized that if we don't listen in class, we don't gain knowledge!

High school student 2: I realized that if we interrupt the teacher, we do not respect him.

High School Student 3: I realized it's not easy being a teacher. This turns out to be a lot of work. And now I want to behave differently.

Teacher: That's it guys. I'm glad you realized this, and I hope your attitude towards studying and teachers will now change. The lesson is over, goodbye.

Reach every heart...

Reach every heart
Those whom you decide to teach,
And the secret door will open
To the souls of those whom I could love!

And some boy who overslept
Late for first lesson
And the naughty girl in the past
Will invite you to the last call!

And many more years will pass,
Maybe someone's fate will work out,
And both pain and adversity will disappear,
Stop shooting everywhere!

In the meantime, there will be everyday life of study
And the answers are heard at the blackboard,
Peace without violence and without anger,
And donated rose petals.
(M. Lvovsky)

There are many of them - snub-nosed, dissimilar...

There are many of them -
Snub-nosed, dissimilar,
Flying into school in a crowd.
And it’s not easy with them. And yet
Any one is dear to his soul.
He led them
Along the ladder of knowledge,
Taught me to value my country,
And see across the distance,
And be friends with a book-smart girl...
Let someone become a builder,
And someone is the owner of the rivers,
But my heart believes:
will deliver
High five for them tomorrow's century.
And, having become adults, years later
The guys will remember you kindly
And his severity and care, -
It's not an easy job as a teacher.
(B. Gaikovich)

To mentors

Life is not eternal. Human life is short.
Veterans are retiring.
We are grateful to them for their honest work.
Their knowledge and experience will not die.
Despite aging and years
Students follow the elders.
Years go by. The Earth rotates.
Teachers raise students.
Their wise look and kind hand -
The textbook is the main one for the student.
The matter is immortal, the thread is continuous.
Young people will come to replace the elders.
And they will receive you at the abandoned post
Teachers hope and dream.
And therefore the commandment is so strong:
“Teacher, educate a student!”
(Y. Kim)

Your friend

Do you have a good friend?
There is no more reliable friend.
Ask about the north and the south,
About what's around you -
He will answer everything.

Do you remember how he came to class?
We all decided: harsh!
But how much did he find for you?
Simple, understandable words!

You at your desk alone
Explained the problem.
Helped your neighbor
And he separated the fighters.

Do you remember when he took you on a hike?
In the morning, at seven o'clock?
Which bird sings how?
He spoke in the forest.

The autumn evening has arrived.
You're already in bed...
The teacher just revealed
Your heavy briefcase.

You are fast asleep now,
You've had enough dreams.
And he, bending under the lamp,
Praise: “Five” this time,
Seryozha Ivanov!

Raised good kids
Your friend for many years.
They thank him now
Collective farmer and poet,
Noble scientist, furnace,
Artist and combat pilot...

Reliable friend -
Your teacher!
(Ya. Akim)

(The song “Hello School” is played to the tune of the song from the film “The Scarecrow-Meow”.)
(2-3 grade)
The morning begins, begins,
The children are waking up, waking up.
Put on your school uniform,
We all took our briefcases with us.
And with a cheerful smile
We flew to school.

I will learn to count and multiply.
And I will also learn to share,
Hello school!

The school is very cool, very great.
We learn a lot of new things, a lot of new things.
And we solved problems,
Essays were written
In English they spoke
They sang and taught poetry.

One, two, sun, three, four, five!
If you get five, you can play!
Lessons are over, I need to play.
Hello childhood!

ONE DAY
FROM THE LIFE OF A TEACHER
(4th grade)

1st student:
Morning. House. Family. Alarm.
Empty refrigerator.
Bag. Umbrella. The stamping of feet.
And the lesson began.

2nd student:
Cards. Globes. Adviсe.
Theorems and answers.
Discussion. Bottom line.
Unexpected call.

3rd student:
Competencies. Program.
Everything is urgent, like a telegram.
Deuces. Nerve. Corvalol.
Student looking at the floor.

4th student:
Contest. Holiday. Meeting.
Meeting for parents.
Puzzled father.
Entertaining ending.

5th student:
Points. Personality. Height. Problems.
Exercise. Method. Topics.
Here are notebooks, a heap, a mass.
Social class passport.

7th student:
Shop. Price. Cost.
Two weeks until payday.
Milk. Groats. Cheese.
Empty wallet.

8th student:
Night. Floor lamp. Sofa. Textbook.
The husband is already asleep, the child is dozing.
Teachers' council. Concert. Report.
Thesis. Federal State Educational Standard. That's it! Waste!

1st student:
We all love you very much
And we wish you a vacation!

All:
And Happy Teacher's Day
Congratulations!

Sketch (grades 5,6,7)

The song by V. Shainsky to the words of M. Plyatskovsky “What they teach at school” sounds. Three people take the stage: a girl and two boys (truants).

1st boy.

Where are you going?

2nd boy.

- I'm tired of school!
They will torture you with lessons again.

Girl.

- That's it, what should we do there?
It's better to just take a walk.

The rest of the students leave.

- Hello, guys! Why are you sitting here?
Is your watch slow today?

1st boy.

- And we decided not to go to school.
We know how to read, write - what else can we learn?

Girl.

- We won’t go to study anymore.
It’s better that we all find work.

Students.

- And who are you going to become?
After all, to work, you need to know a lot.

2nd boy.

- What? there to know? My dad is an engineer in an office,
Draws directly on cardboard.
This work is good
I don't need anything except a pen and pencil.
I’ll take and draw a house, a square...
Good job engineer!

1st boy.

- And I can be a doctor,
Cut something off or sew something on.
Then I’ll give everyone a newsletter, -
That's all! Free all day!

Girl.

Students.

-Are you laughing? To build a house
You can't get by with a pen and pencil.
You need to know the strength of materials and what is put into concrete.
If you don’t know, this house will collapse.

- Do you want to be a doctor?
Children and adults - treat everyone -
You can't prescribe medicine.
You will harm, not help.

- And who will let you cut a person?
When you don’t know where the ear is and where the eyelid is.

- Well, what are you looking at, huh?
Your affairs are also bad.
About rings and earrings
You won’t even know a little!

— They’ll invite you to the podium in Paris,
And you don't speak French.

- Like a magazine, very fashionable,
Do you suddenly want to read it?
Oh, girlfriend, I feel sorry for you,
I wish you had the Primer in your hands.

- Yes, well, what can I say?
You don't have to be anyone here.
You'll come to the TV
But you won’t find it in the program
The film that is playing there.
And your number won't work.

- Look... you can’t buy
No candy, no pack of chips,
Neither cookies, marmalade,
And neither Fanta nor chewing gum.

- Well, what if you were a banker?
Does it get into your head?
You can't calculate the profit
No, that won’t do, brothers.

- You’re a cook - imagine now.
You can do it quickly, without loss
Read the recipe, cook -
Everything should be tasty.

- Now imagine another one,
The situation is like this:
So I bought a movie ticket.
It doesn't matter who you go with.

- You decided to call Masha.
You need to write a note.
How will you write a letter?
How will you buy her flowers?

- The girls care.
And you will go to the cinema alone.

- That's right, we need to study.
For effort and reward.
You will know everything, you will read everything,
Everything you need, you will find everything.

1st boy.

- Listen to you, decide -
Go to school every day.

2nd boy.

- Listen, cool, you and I
Let's buy the book "Battleship".

1st boy.

- Yes! And we can find out everything
Read about battleships...

1st boy.

- And about the yacht, that one, remember?!
Where you can’t catch up...

2nd boy.

- And about the boat, which...

(three of us)

- Yes-ah... learning is just great!!!

Girl.

- Well, I can read it
About hairstyles, shoes, colors...
Yes, you can’t count everything.

Students.

- So what, have you been convinced?
And to comprehend everything at the right time,
will help you(all together) TEACHER!

Children sing the song “Congratulations” to the tune of V. Shainsky’s song “What They Teach at School.”

______________________________________________

New Russian grandmothers. (8 classes)

1. Hello, dear ones!

2.I was assigned..

1. Spend today…

2. Don't interrupt me! I was assigned...

1. Spend today…

2. Don't interrupt me! I was instructed (look at 1 grandmother) to conduct... (look again).

1.Hold today's concert..

Pause

2.Why are you bothering me?

1. Because you don’t know how to conduct a concert. If, for example, a singer is performing now, how will you announce her?

2. I’ll say that he will speak now...

1.I'll tell you! ..The singer must be announced by singing. (sings.) Now a singer will perform, she will sing for you...

2. Ha ha..! Interesting! And if acrobats perform, how will you announce them? Over your head? Somersault?

1.But you will announce the acrobats.

2. No, I’ll announce everything.

1.Why?

2. Because the concert must be conducted by a savvy and decisive person.

1.You speak as if you are going to lead not a concert, but a ship in a storm. Just think, captain!

2. The captain is a man! And I am a woman!

1.Oh-oh, hold me... Woman... Look at you, sand is falling off you...

2.Look at you, this garden scarecrow...

1.No, look at her old nag

(pushing each other)

2. Okay, that's enough, that's enough. People are looking at us.

1. Oh, really, chavoy, we’ve completely gone crazy old people.

2.And now the song……………….

Song

In your big eyes there is anxiety and sadness,

After all, we again don’t have enough paint for repairs.

You want to send everything into the lilac distance!

Into the lilac distance - whitewashing and painting,

In the lilac fog - a water tap,

In the lilac fog - window putty.

And your vacation floated away into a lilac fog!

In the lilac distance are the Canary Islands and Hawaii.

I would like to leave for a year, or maybe two...

Or maybe you dream of leaving forever.

You dream, but you can barely get there!

The lilac fog over our school is melting,

The director sits in it, and it’s not easy for him -

He is in no hurry to go home, the director understands:

You will have to solve all the questions yourself!

2. Matryon, look, your whole back is white.

1.Where (looks around)

(2nd laughs)

2.I was joking.

1. Fuck you! You're all hee-hee, yes ha-ha.

2. Today we need to laugh and cheer up our respected people. Otherwise they laugh once a year.

1.Why 1?

2. The first of July, when they go on vacation.

1. Let's tell jokes.

2.I'm first.

1.Go ahead.

2. Vovochka received a bad mark in physical education.

Father asks:

Why did your teacher give you a bad grade?

“And he asked to cover the goat with mats.”

Well, I covered it...

1.Now I..

The teacher says to the student:

Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!

Do you mean father?

No, grandpa. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in his homework.

2. You should just invite your grandfathers...

1. This is a joke (offended)

2.Okay, okay, announce the musical number

1. (singing) I’ll sing for you...

2. It’s not you who will sing, but the guys.

Musical number

All students line up on stage and sing to the tune of the song “Smile” from the movie “Carnival Night”)

If you sometimes feel sad and sad,
If someone is being naughty in class,
This is not on purpose or on purpose,
Our energy is just bubbling.

So let's all the excitement
Let's forget at this hour.
And good mood
Will not leave you again.

If we don’t answer well in class,
If we forget to learn formulas,
We also get what we deserve,
But we know how to hide our grief.

money

2. Once I was riding in a minibus, I read the inscription “Whoever slams the door will become a beneficiary!!!”

1. You laugh at the old and sick..

Listen to the story:

And for the third time the old man came to the blue sea, and the Goldfish had mercy on him and gave him Raskolnikov’s address...

2. (dreamy)

And the sun is shining brightly, and the landscape is beautiful when C2H5OH is splashing in the stomach (ts 2 as 5 oas)

1.Are you crazy, Flower, you’re at school.

money

1. Little flower, let’s talk about love.

2.What kind of love do you like at your age?

1. Well, you can dream...

2.Now you will see about love with your own eyes, how Othello loves Desdemona

Sketch of Othello and Desdemona

Othello (4 grades)
(rushes towards her)

I hear steps. Finally home
My wife. And cook me lunch.
I'm fucking hungry, Desdemona!

Desdemona

Othello, I don't have lunch.

Othello

I really have no time for jokes, my dear,
Our refrigerator has been empty for a long time!
I'm just dying of hunger...

Desdemona

But I was working, not at the cinema!

Othello

What's in your bag? Notebooks again!
Did you bring it home?! Woe is me!

Desdemona

I see that your nerves are not all right,
You even screamed more than once in your sleep.

(Sits down to check his notebooks.)

Othello

Listen, Desdemona, really
It would be nice to have a snack now!

Desdemona

Othello! We already ate today!
And it’s even harmful to eat at such a late hour.
But if you really want, you can, honey,
Fry the eggs, just do it yourself.
Don't distract me, please, my love!
There are three eggs left, that's enough for us.

Othello

What three? I ate two yesterday.

Desdemona

OK then. Fry yourself one.

Othello

But the refrigerator is empty!

Desdemona

Well, I don’t know where it could suddenly disappear?!

Othello

Listen, I have a job too,
But I can’t think of anything because I’m hungry!

Desdemona

Oh, darling, come on, really, think of something...
Do your homework! And hunger will disappear.

Othello

My hunger will not be satisfied. Really
Is it so difficult for you to go to the store?

Desdemona

I thought I'd come by at the end of the week,
But you could buy something yourself!
You're disturbing me, honey. By the way,
So little time left, dear!
I will be on duty at school until nightfall:
My class is walking at the disco.

Othello

What disco?! What kind of joke?
Our family is about to be destroyed!

Desdemona

Oh, you know, there's not a minute left,
My class is already waiting for me there, go.

Othello

Like hell from incense, you run away from home.
Work is more important to you, not family.
Have you prayed at night, Desdemona?
Die, unfortunate one! Die, my love!
__________________

(9th grade)

Teaching is not work, but renunciation,

The ability to give your all,

Leave for a long feat and torment,

And in this we see light and grace.

Teaching - when in the eyes of cold

The dawn of understanding will light up,

And you will understand: I tried not in vain

And it was not in vain that he scattered his knowledge.

Showered with colored rain of bouquets

And illuminated by the brilliance of hundreds of eyes,

Accept, teacher, not a word of greeting,

And part of the soul is from grateful us!

Song to the melody of “Closing the Circle” (end, everyone sings)

1.Here is one of those stories
Which we are arguing about here
And not a day or two,
And for many years.
It's not easy at school,
We ask questions here
And the teacher will answer them.

Why does one strive for knowledge?
Graduate and first grader
Why do we rush to class like a river?
How the teacher comes to class
And he teaches us a lesson,
We all want to know for sure

Chorus:

Stand here in a circle
Student, teacher, friend.
The light shines in the windows of knowledge,
Leaving a mark on the heart.
Let the years go by
The school is always with us.
There are a hundred roads before us
The school has grown a sprout.

2.Opening the doors of life
We all trust you, teacher,
We believe in what awaits us ahead.
Many songs have been sung about you
Forget sadness, our circle is small,
And call us to the world of knowledge again.

Chorus.

3.If knowledge is in the palm of your hand,
Then you won't drown in dreams,
You are not lost for days.
We remember you, teacher.
We go into life with knowledge
The teacher raised people in us.
Each bird has its own motive,
Each song has its own motive,
The school also has its own motive.
Everything we know will be useful
You, teacher, will be in my dreams
The kids are all grateful to you.

Chorus.

_________

(1st grade)

1.What student is without mistakes?
Without a deuce? - Well, what can I say?
But still your smiles
We remember and will appreciate.

2.And every kind word
Will remain in our hearts
And we are ready to bow
In deeds, not in words.

3.We ourselves and our parents
Now we understand more clearly
How difficult it is for a teacher today
Cope with your task.

4 .Teacher - as if it’s not fashionable.
Other professions honor...
Thank you for your noble
And selfless work!

“Golden Wedding” (“Cuckoo”) (grades 1,2,3)

It's a holiday, a holiday at our school.

We congratulate you from the bottom of our hearts.

How nice it is for us to look at you.

And smiles are everything for you.

Ave.

Oh, the student and the teacher

Life at school is great!

Oh, the student and the teacher

May fate smile on us!

Oh, the student and the teacher

So many years, so many years together.

Ah, the student and the teacher,

May we live for two hundred years!

This holiday is only once a year.

But we always love you very much.

May you and we be lucky in life

And we drink milk for you today!

Musical number to the melody “What is autumn?” (beginning, everyone sings)

What's going on at school today?

We will answer your question directly:

It's a holiday here with us,

Here we have

Teacher's Day, the very same!

Chorus

Happy to see you all now

At this most exciting hour.

Happiness, smiles, light, kindness

Adults and children wish you well.

A teacher working at a school

The best teacher in the world,

Because he has his big heart

He gives it to all the children without any reserve.

Chorus

1 grandma:

Let in this hall, at this hour

The lights are burning brighter!
And again we congratulate you, our teachers!

Our junior classes' loud laughter is the best reward!
The kids will be very happy to congratulate you.

Ave. (repeat)

Performing a song to the tune of “Forward, Midshipmen”(to parents)

By the will of fate it happened
Or is this the cross you have?
And all my strength was given to the school,
And going to class is like going into battle.
And at night you dream about the board,
And you have no other worries,
As soon as tomorrow what happens,
And will the class understand the task?

Chorus
Keep your nose up, dear teacher,
Is life hard or good?
Knowledge and soul are one,
Knowledge and soul are one.
The love for students is the same!

Years will pass, centuries of shadow
They will disappear, everything will close in a circle.
But the warm word is “teacher”
Suddenly our hearts will be troubled.
Will always make you remember something
Dear, close to you
In the twentieth century and in the two hundredth -
The teacher is eternal on earth!

Chorus
Keep your nose up, dear teacher,
Is life hard or good?
Knowledge and soul are one,
Knowledge and soul are one.
The love for students is the same!

2 -3 grade

"If teachers disappear, What will happen in the world then, friends? Rudeness and ignorance will destroy souls, there will be no joy in people's lives. If teachers disappear, the earth will be unhappy and poor, should we let this happen? If teachers disappear, who will tell us that the Earth is eternal? Eternal Earth! So the Teacher is eternal! Isn’t that what you want, friends? No, we won't let this happen so that the word “teacher” disappears! Through the centuries, through the centuries your profession will last forever!” Musical number based on “Hope” (parents) 1.What once brought you here? You didn't look for easier ways. Mind and heart, soul and warmth They gave to the younger generations For the sake of affirming kindness Through all the doubts and worries Brought high dreams And they knew the joys and ups. CHORUS: The school is calling you, My heart still breaks for her. And in the heart of that young people, What is called your hope. May our hopes come true, Everywhere on earth there is such a share. Your ideals come to life now Embodies the young tribe Years of separation are not a problem, Memory will pave the right path to childhood. You are everyone's teacher forever The most important, the very, very first. CHORUS. 2 grandma Teacher's Heart...Well, what can you compare it to? With a cosmic Galaxy that has no boundaries? Or maybe with the bright Sun, which gives people light? With the depths of the sea, which sleeps for hundreds of years? No, we won’t compare! But we will say: “Knock!” Teacher’s Heart - HOPE, BELIEVE, LOVE!”

See also funny poems about school for children. The advantages of our funny skits are that they do not require costumes, there is no need to memorize large texts (and the one who plays the role of a teacher can use a printout that can be inserted into a magazine), and they only take a short time to rehearse. At the same time, these scenes are close to the students. They will be able to laugh at their mistakes, looking at themselves from the outside. Humor, jokes, funny scenes for children about school are well suited for KVN. Also check out School Humor.

1. Sketch "At Russian language lessons"

Teacher: Let's see how you learned your homework. Whoever answers first will receive a higher point.
Student Ivanov (raises his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, give me three at once!

Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov’s essay!
Student Petrov: Mary Ivanna, Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all of us!

Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why isn’t it finished?
Student Sidorov: Because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, admit it, who wrote your essay?
Student Koshkin: I don’t know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to see me tomorrow!
Student Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.

Teacher: What kind of word is “egg”, Sinichkin?
Student Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why?
Disciple Sinichkin: Because it is unknown who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.

Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.
Student Petushkov: “Table”, “chair” and “sock” are masculine, and “stocking” is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Student Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!

Teacher: Smirnov, go to the board, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov comes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates, and the student writes down: “Dad went to the garage.”
Teacher: Ready? We are listening to you.
Student Smirnov: Dad is the subject, gone is the predicate, to the garage is ... a preposition.

Teacher: Guys, who can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Student Tyulkina raises her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Student Tyulkina: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.

Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral “three”.
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a KNITTING factory.

Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the board and write down the sentence.
Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates: The guys caught butterflies with nets.
Student Rubashkin writes: The guys caught butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Student Rubashkin: What?
Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?

Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word “dry”?
Student Meshkov stood up and remained silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think about it, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!

Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, now give me your example.
Student Petushkov: Cat - dog.
Teacher: What does “cat - dog” have to do with it?
Student Petushkov: Well, how about that? They are opposites and often fight with each other.

Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?
Student Sidorov: It’s a pity to waste time during recess!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother fell ill.
Teacher: What do you have to do with it?
Student Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Student Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?

Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a sentence with an appeal.
Student Sushkina: Mary Ivanna, call!

2. Sketch "Correct answer"

Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: What should we divide, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn’t he owe you a plum?
Student: No, I shouldn’t have plums.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don’t like plums.
Teacher: Wrong again.
Student: How many is correct?
Teacher: Now I’ll put the correct answer in your diary!
(I. Butman)

3. Sketch "Our cases"

Characters: teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
The student goes to the board and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then promised to improve.”
A student writes from dictation on the board.
Teacher: Great! Underline all the nouns in your story.
The student emphasizes the words: “dad”, “mom”, “Vova”, “behaviour”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Start!
Student: “Dad and Mom.” Who? What? Parents. This means the case is genitive.
Scolded someone, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. This means the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has the instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has the accusative case.
Well, the “promise,” of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's it!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring me the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest you set for yourself?
Student: Which one? Of course, an A!
Teacher: So, an A? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?
Student: In the prepositional form!
Teacher: In the prepositional form? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
(according to L. Kaminsky)

4. Sketch "At mathematics lessons"

Characters: teacher and class students

Teacher: Petrov, you have difficulty counting to ten. I can’t imagine what you can become?
Student Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!

Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.
Student Trushkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the statement of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Student Trushkin heads to the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going?!
Student Trushkin: I ran home, I have candy!

Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your deuce in it yesterday.
Disciple Petrov: I don’t have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Student Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare his parents!

Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Student Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don’t know math!
Student Vasechkin: No, you don’t know my brother!

Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, what is three times seven?
Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!

Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: Mom doesn’t have free time!

Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.
The students get to work.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentyev?
Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he’s copying from me, and I’m just checking to see if he did it correctly!

Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.
Student Shcherbinina: This is a mathematical Greek.

5. Sketch "At the lessons of natural history"

Characters: teacher and class students

Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Student Petrov holds out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov.
Student Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three tiger cubs.

Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Student Kosichkina: These are the kind of forests in which... it’s good to doze off.

Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Student Simakova: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, please answer us, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?
Disciple Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.

Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Student Petukhov: “Frog Traveler”

Teacher: Who can answer how the sea differs from the river? Please, Mishkin.
Disciple Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.

Student Zaitsev reaches out his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?
Disciple Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from monkeys?
Teacher: True.
Disciple Zaitsev: That’s what I see: there are so few monkeys!

Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Disciple Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it depends entirely on the cat.

Teacher: Meshkov will go to the board and tell us about the crocodile.
Student Meshkov (going to the board): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.
Teacher: Think about what you are saying! Does that really happen?
Student Meshkov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!

Teacher: Khomyakov, answer, why do people need a nervous system?
Disciple Khomyakov: To be nervous.

Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Student Sinichkin: Because I’m terribly worried that the bell might interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.

Teacher: Guys, who can answer where the bird is flying with a straw in its beak?
Student Belkov raises his hand higher than everyone else.
Teacher: Try, Belkov.
Disciple Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Teplyakova, what are the last teeth a person develops?
Student Teplyakova: Inserts, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give you an A plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”
Student Klyushkin reaches out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.
Student Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!

6. Scene “Folder under the mouse”

Vovka: Listen, I’ll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder by the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! It's really funny.
Vovka (surprised): What’s so funny? I haven't even started to tell you yet.
Andrey (laughing): A folder... under your arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder won’t fit under your arm, he’s not a cat!
Vovka: Why “my folder”? The folder is dad's. You've forgotten how to speak correctly because of laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and tapping his forehead): Ah, I guessed it! Grandfather - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great that you came up with this - funny and with a riddle!
Vova (offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh and get in the way of talking. And he dragged my grandfather under his arm, what a storyteller he was! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?
(I. Semerenko)

7. Sketch "3=7 and 2=5"

Teacher: Well, Petrov? What should I do with you?
Petrov: What?
Teacher: You haven’t done anything all year, you haven’t taught anything. I don’t really know what to put on your report.
Petrov (looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you talking about? Which one?
Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics was wrong and... proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It’s not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is only equal to three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov (solemnly): This is not true! I proved that three equals seven!
Teacher: How is that?
Petrov: But look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: That's right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 =0 - also true. So, 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: That's right.
Petrov: Let’s take the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Yeah! So, Petrov, we survived.
Petrov: I didn’t want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But you can’t sin against science...
Teacher: I see. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. Is that also true?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: Let’s take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: Then that’s it, Petrov, I’ll give you a “2”!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: Don’t be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. Is that what you did?
Petrov: Well, let's say.
Teacher: So I put “2”, who cares. A?
Petrov: No, it doesn’t matter, Ivan Ivanovich, “5” is better.
Teacher: Perhaps it’s better, Petrov, but until you prove this, you will have a D for the year, which, in your opinion, is equal to an A!
Guys, help Petrov.
(Newspaper "Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)

8. Sketch "Schoolboy and salesman"

Characters: a schoolboy and a store sales assistant

Sales consultant: What can I tell you?
Schoolboy: The years of the reign of Nicholas II?
Sales consultant: I don’t know.
Schoolboy: Okay... Pythagorean theorem?
Sales consultant: ... (shrugs)
Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?
Sales consultant: (sighing) I don’t know...
Schoolboy: Well, why are you bothering then with your “What can I tell you?”!!!
(KVN team from Ryazan)

9. Sketch "Schoolchildren at the Stadium"

Characters: schoolchildren and stadium informant

A group of young fans led by a leader loudly chants:
“SPA-RTAK IS A CHAMPION!” “SPA-RTAK IS A CHAMPION!”
Suddenly the voice of the stadium informant comes on:
Informant's voice: Attention young fans! (young fans stop chanting)
Your history teacher is at the match!
Young fans start chanting:
“SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!” “SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!”
(KVN team from Ryazan)

10. Sketch “Unnecessary words, or Cool Dnieper in cool weather”

Characters: a cultured adult and a modern schoolboy Vanya Sidorov

Hello, Vanya.
- Hello.
- Well, tell me, Vanya, how are you?
- Wow, things are going strong.
- What?
- Cool, I say, just one wick froze this. Rolls towards the cage. Let me drive the bike, he says. He sat down and scratched. And here is the teacher. And let him show off. He opened his mitten. Yes, how it gets messy. Himself with a black eye. The teacher almost went crazy, and the bike booed. Laugh. Cool, right?
- Was there a horse there?
- Which horse?
- Well, the one who was laughing. Or I didn't understand anything.
- Well, didn’t you understand anything?
- Come on, let's start all over again.
- Well, let's. So, one wick...
- Without a candle?
- Without.
- What kind of wick is this?
- Well, one guy, a long one, rolled up to the sket...
-What did he ride up on, a bicycle?
- No, the skete had a bicycle.
- Which sket?
- Well, there's only one idiot. Yes, you know him, he walks around here with such a snob.
- With whom, with whom?
- Yes, not with whom, but with what, his nose is in the shape of a snob. Well, let me drive the bike, he says. He sat down and scratched.
- Did he have an itch?
- No, he sawed.
- Well, how did you saw it?
- What did you saw?
- Well, is it big?
- How?
- Well, this same schnobel?
- No, the cat had a snob. And the fuse got a black eye, a blast hit him in the head, and he began to wander around. He opened his mitten, and so he jerked.
- Why the mitten, did he get fussy in the winter?
- Yes, there was no winter there, there was a teacher there.
- Teacher, you mean.
- Well, yes, with a black eye, that is, with a great one, no, with coils. But it was the rolling of the bike that made the bike whoop.
- How did you whoop?
- And so, I’m covered. Into small pieces. Do you understand now?
- Understood. I realized that you don’t know the Russian language at all.
- I don’t know how!
- Can you imagine if everyone spoke like you, what would happen?
- What?
- Remember, at Gogol's. “Wonderful is the Dnieper in calm weather, when its full waters freely and smoothly rush through forests and mountains, neither rustling nor thundering. You look and don’t know whether its majestic width is moving or not” and further, “A rare bird will fly to the middle of the Dnieper.”
- I remember.
- Now listen to how it sounds in your quirky language: “Cool Dnieper in cool weather, when, roaming and showing off, it saws its cool waves through the forests and mountains. you don’t know whether he’s sawing or not. A rare bird with a shnobel will reach the middle of the Dnieper, and if it finishes scratching, it will whoop and throw off its hooves.” Well, do you like it?
“I like it,” he said and ran, shouting: “Cool Dnieper in cool weather.”
(Lion Izmailov)

11. Young man in a nightclub

Characters: girl, young man, mother

A girl is sitting at the bar. A young man approaches her.

Young man: Hello, baby! Are you bored?
GIRL: Yes, there is a little.
YOUNG MAN: Shall we come with me? I will give you an unforgettable evening!
GIRL: Sounds like it. But my mother is waiting for me at home at 23-00.
YOUNG MAN: Is mom waiting? Give it up! What, are you 10 years old? Do you go on dates with your mom too? Ha!

Suddenly, someone’s hand confidently takes the young man by the ear. Everyone can see that this is the hand of an older woman.

YOUNG MAN: Mom? What are you doing here?
MOM: What are you doing here?
YOUNG MAN: Well, mom! I…
MOM: I don’t want to hear it! March home!
YOUNG MAN: (to the girl) Baby, I'll call you back!
MOM: Home!
(KVN team from Ryazan)

12. Radiologist's office

Characters: grandmother, boy, radiologist

Radiologist's office: X-ray machine, table, chair. A doctor is sitting at the table.
A little boy and a grandmother enter the office.

GRANDMOTHER (pointing to the boy). I've looked through everything and the glasses are nowhere to be found. I think he swallowed them. Just like your grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST (addresses the boy). Have you swallowed granny glasses?
The boy doesn't answer.
GRANDMOTHER. Partisan! Just like your grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST. Are you silent? But now we will enlighten you through and find out everything.
GRANDMOTHER (joyfully). Yep, gotcha! I wish I had something like this at home.
RADIOLOGIST (looks at the picture). Well, well, well... You know... not only does he have glasses here, he also has a wallet with money. I can’t say exactly, but somewhere around three hundred rubles.
GRANDMOTHER. This is not ours, we don’t need someone else’s. The main thing for me is to get glasses, I can’t watch TV without them.
RADIOLOGIST. We'll get it now.
The radiologist approaches the boy, lifts him by the legs and shakes him. Glasses and wallet fall out on the floor.
GRANDMOTHER (grabs her glasses). Thank you very much, doctor. I don’t even know how to thank you. Let me kiss you!
RADIOLOGIST (twists his wallet in his hands). No need. But if possible, I’ll keep the wallet as a souvenir.
GRANDMOTHER. This is not ours, not ours, we don’t need someone else’s.
Grandmother and grandson leave the office.
RADIOLOGIST (loudly). Next!
(A. Givargizov)

Characters:
Dad: Zmey Gorynych
Head teacher: Baba Yaga
Math teacher: Leshy
Geography teacher: Kikimora
Botany Teacher: Witch
Class teacher: Vodyanoy

SERPENT GORYNYCH (flies into the teacher’s room):
...Yes, I told him a hundred times!..
Well, what did he do again?

GOBBLE:
Multiplied the minus with the sine -
Got a minus one!

KIKIMORA:
Confused albinos
With albatross...

WITCH:
I threw apricots...

KIKIMORA:
Blowing soap bubbles!..

GOBBLE:
On a bet
Swallowed the call!

KIKIMORA:
Yawned the whole lesson
And he infected everyone with yawning!

WATER:
And yesterday
Brought to class
Hippopotamus!!!

GOBBLE:
With this nasty boy
There is no sweetness!

BABA YAGA (unctuously):
Maybe give him poison?..
Or throw it to the wolves?
AM –
And there is no bad student!

KIKIMORA:
Don't get excited, dear Yaga.
In our age
Such measures are outdated.

GOBBLE:
One hundred years ago
We would have it
Certainly,
Ate...
But now
We have
Not many students
In stock...

WATER:
Agree!
Let's not resort
To extreme measures.

WITCH:
Let's try to entice him
A good example.

SERPENT GORYNYCH (confused):
Mmmm... Less or more...
That is - more or less!..
And yet...

WITCH (interrupts):
A...
Understand!
Your example is not good...
But boy
Doesn't want to study at all!

BABA YAGA:
Oh, what a hassle there is with children!..

ZMEY GORYNYCH:
Lock him in the closet - let him learn his lessons!
And if he doesn't stop yawning...

ALL IN CHORUS:
We'll turn it around
In chewing gum
And we will
SLOWLY
Chew!
(E. Lipatova)

14. Daily routine

Characters:

Schoolboy Vova
Schoolboy Petya

PETYA:
- Do you, Vova, know what a regime is?

VOVA:
- Certainly! Regime... Regime is where I want, I jump there.

PETYA:
- Wrong! A regime is a daily routine. Are you doing it?

VOVA:
- I even exceed it.

PETYA:
- How is this?

VOVA:
- According to the schedule, I need to walk twice a day, but I walk four!

PETYA:
- No, you are not exceeding it, but breaking it! Do you know what the daily routine should be?

VOVA:
- I know! Rise. Charger. Washing. Making the bed. Breakfast. School. Dinner. Walk. Prep. Walk.

PETYA:
- Fine.

VOVA:
- And it can be even better.

PETYA:
- How is this?

VOVA:
- Like this! Rise. Breakfast. Walk. Lunch. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Tea. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Dream.

PETYA:
- Well, no. Under this regime, you will turn out to be lazy and ignorant.

VOVA:
- It won't work.

PETYA:
- Why?

VOVA:
- Because with my grandmother we follow the entire regime.

PETYA:
- How is it with your grandmother?

VOVA:
- Yes. I do half of it, and grandma does half of it. And together we get the whole regime.

PETYA:
- I don't understand!

VOVA:
- Very simple. I do the lifting. The grandmother does the exercises. Washing is grandma. Making the bed - grandma. Breakfast is me. Walk - me. Preparing lessons - my grandmother and I. Walk - me. Lunch is me.

PETYA:
- Aren’t you ashamed?! Now I understand why you are so undisciplined.

https://site/smeshnye-scenki-dlya-detej/

15. About Pushkin

Two duelists stand opposite each other. One of them is Pushkin.

Second: Come together!

Pushkin and his opponent raise their pistols. They approach the barriers. Pushkin's opponent fires a shot. Pushkin lies wounded. The enemy approaches the wounded Pushkin.

Pushkin: For what?

Pushkin's opponent: Bastard! Because of you, I was left for the second year in literature!!!

16. School riddles

Characters: Schoolboy, his friend - Vovka Sidorov

SCHOOLBOY (addressing confidentially to the audience, pointing with his hand at a friend standing nearby):
And Vovka Sidorov from our class is such a slowpoke! I came across interesting riddles here about school affairs, and the answers should be in rhyme. Of course, I guessed everything right away, and then I decided to test Vovka’s intelligence.

SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
Here, guess the riddle in rhyme: “The time between two bells is called...”

VOVKA SIDOROV (instantly):
Change!

SCHOOLBOY:
Well, that’s right, “change” is appropriate, but the answer must be in rhyme!

VOVKA SIDOROV (offended):
Yeah, I said it myself, that’s right, and then you start...

SCHOOLBOY:
Okay, let me tell you another riddle, just think about it before you tell me the answer. “The athlete told us: Everyone go to the sports hall...”

VOVKA SIDOROV (shouts out):
Shop!

SCHOOLBOY:
What store? For what? Where did you see him?

VOVKA SIDOROV:
How why? I need to buy new sneakers, otherwise the sole of mine is already falling behind on my left foot. And the sporting goods store is right opposite the school. You've seen him a hundred times too.

SCHOOLBOY (towards the hall):
Well, what can you prove to him here!

SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
But can you guess this riddle in rhyme? “Schools are not simple buildings; in schools they receive...”

VOVKA SIDOROV:
On the head! Yesterday I almost didn’t touch Lenka Petrova’s bow, but she hit me on the head with a book, bam-bang.

SCHOOLBOY:
Listen to another riddle: “And today I got a grade again...”

VOVKA SIDOROV (shouting):
I got a C, C again in math.

SCHOOLBOY (addressing the audience in the hall):
Well, Vovka is slow-witted! What a slowpoke! Although... I look, his face is cunning and cunning. Maybe he was playing a trick on me? Today is April 1st!!!
(Leonid Medvedev)

17. About parents

A man in a clothing store dials a number on his cell phone.

Man: Hello, dear! ... Did our Bear do his homework? ... yes? What about his diary? Okay, right?! So, did he clean the room?! Crap! Have you eaten soup?! Nothing... I just went into the store, and there was a sale on belts!

The holiday called Teacher's Day is approaching. In the meantime, he is gradually approaching, all the students are “running” in search of what they will surprise their beloved teachers with. And you run too? Or maybe you can show funny skits about teachers on Teacher's Day?

Thumbnail of passing the exam.

Teacher:
Dear students, hello. Today we have an exam, and today in our school, in our class, an experiment is being conducted. They connected cameras to us, and now they can see us all right in Moscow! So we behave well, don’t cheat, and pass the exam.
Here one student raises his hand.

Teacher:
Stepanov, what do you want?

Stepanov:
It’s as if I already want to leave.

Teacher:
What does it mean to leave?! We have an exam!

Stepanov:
So I want to “give it up” and leave.

Teacher:
Oh, give it up! This is another matter! But remember Stepanov, there are cameras everywhere, so don’t let your class or the whole school down!
Stepanov comes out and immediately goes to the teacher and gives him a heavy bag.

The teacher takes the bag and says in surprise:
What is this, Stepanov?

Stepanov:
Like what? This is my exam!

The teacher looks into the bag, then wipes the sweat from his face and says:
Why small change?

Stepanov:
It’s just that my dad works in a minibus, we always have this little thing!

The teacher gives the bag to the student:
Take it quickly, Stepanov. Cameras are everywhere, and you're poking me!

Stepanov takes the bag:
How then can I pass the exam?

Teacher:
Do you see my table is free? Sit behind him and leave the bag there.

The student sits down at the teacher’s table and says:
Everything is ready. Did I pass?

Teacher:
Which one passed, Stepanov?! See, cameras are everywhere! Come on, I'll help you now. Let me know what your question is.

Stepanov:
How to hint?

Teacher:
Raise your hand, ask to leave and drop hints in between.

Stepanov holds out his hand.

Teacher:
Stepanov, what do you want?

Stepanov:
Arthur Nikolaevich, before I answer the question “basic properties of the atom,” can I go to the toilet?

Teacher:
You can, Stepanov, go.

Stepanov comes out. And the teacher says:
Do you see how Stepanov easily passed the exam?! And all because Stepanov’s dad works in a minibus, and Stepanov is preparing to continue his father’s work and therefore is in a hurry to pass everything quickly and go study with his father!

Sketch - Modern teachers.

Teachers can be played by students.

The teacher's room, there are two teachers in it. Another teacher walks into the teachers' room with quick steps, throws a magazine on the table and speaks.

Teacher 1:
No, I can't do this anymore! I have no more strength!
One of the teachers in the room asks.

Teacher 2:
What's happened? Did you reach 8th grade again?
The third teacher, who was also already in the staff room, echoes.

Teacher 3:
Yes, 8"a" is just hell!

Teacher 1:
My mother told me: put on tights, a shorter skirt, and go to the city council building, maybe someone will fall for you! No, I put on a formal suit, and went to become a teacher, I went to make a career!

Teacher 2:
Well, you can’t do that because of one class! After all, these are children, we need to be gentle with them somehow.

Teacher 3:
It needs to be softer. But if it were up to me, I would “tighten the screws” for them!

Teacher 1:
How much more strict? I call Petrov to the board and ask – show Mallorca on the map. And he says, I won’t show you, but tell you how cool it is, my dad and I vacationed there in the summer!

Teacher 2:
Yes, really, Petrov is the son of a deputy, he can tell a lot! And in my lesson Ivanov holds out his hand and says - you can go out! I ask - where are you going? And he answers - feed the cat! I say - what cat? Did your cat stay at home or did you bring it to school? And he answers me - he downloaded the game, it’s called a talking cat, now it’s time for him to eat. And shows me the tablet. I just don’t know what to do, I say, go feed the cat, I don’t need hunger victims in my class.

Teacher 3:
But my students flatly refused to teach Dostoevsky. They say that Rospotrebnadzor added their favorite site with games to the list of prohibited ones, and they responded by adding all the writers and poets that we study in school to their list of authors prohibited from studying!

Teacher 1:
Yes, these are not children, then... I don’t even know how to say it without swearing!

Teacher 2:
Well, no problem, there will be a holiday on our street, the time for tests and exams will come!

The door to the teachers' room opens, another teacher comes in and says:
Happy holiday, teachers!

A skit for Teacher's Day - a battle of teachers. 5 people participate.
With a good game without pinching, the ability to show it funny, this scenario for Teacher's Day will be, if not the best (sometimes simply dressing in diapers looks funnier, but we have a different task), then the most interesting, unlike the others and thoughtful.

Host: So we begin the program, “battle of teachers” - today we have a new task and our viewers do not believe that our teachers will cope with this difficult task. We hasten to warn you that everything is fair with us and without any setups, tricks, tips or steps.

Primary school teacher Marya Ivanovna Ivanova is invited to complete the task. Marya Ivanovna you will have to enter the classroom today and force third-grade student Vasya Sidorov to give him a diary.

Teacher: Sidorov, please give me the diary.
Student: I won’t.
Teacher: Sidorov, open your briefcase, take out your diary.
Student: My grandmother took it from me to read before bed.
Teacher: Vasya, give me the journal, otherwise I’ll put two in the journal.
Vasya: And for what?

Host: Unfortunately, time is up.
We invite the second teacher - Petrov Petr Petrovich.

Teacher: Vasily, give me the diary, and I’ll give you some candy.
Student: My father is the director of a candy factory.
Teacher: Vasily, I’ll put you in a corner!
Student: And what didn’t I see there?

Presenter: It’s unfortunate, but the second teacher didn’t have time to complete this task either. We invite our third candidate Sidorova Vasilisa Petrovna

Teacher: Vasily Vasilyevich, why don’t you give the diary to teachers?
Student: I forgot at home (slides down the desk)
Teacher: Give me the diary, PLEASE.
Student: Nope. (uncertain)
Teacher: I’m calling my father (takes out his phone and pretends to select it from his contacts)
Student: (takes out the diary he was sitting on) Mom on the diary, just don’t call your father! those.

Host: As our program showed, all our teachers are professionals, but without parental help it can be very difficult for them. The cooperation of teachers and parents yielded results this week - you will find out what the next battle will be tomorrow.

Scene

Vovka: Listen, I’ll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder by the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! It's really funny.
Vovka (surprised): What’s so funny? I haven't even started to tell you yet.
Andrey (laughing): A folder... under your arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder won’t fit under your arm, he’s not a cat!
Vovka: Why “my folder”? The folder is dad's. You've forgotten how to speak correctly because of laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and tapping his forehead): Ah, I guessed it! Grandfather - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great that you came up with this - funny and with a riddle!
Vova (offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh and get in the way of talking. And he dragged my grandfather under his arm, what a storyteller he was! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?

A scene from school life about a teacher and a student

Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
The student goes to the board and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for his bad behavior. Vova was guiltily silent, and then made a promise to improve.”
A student writes from dictation on the board.
Teacher: Great! Underline all the nouns in your story.
The student emphasizes the words: “dad”, “mom”, “Vova”, “behaviour”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Start!
Student: “Dad and mom.” Who? What? Parents. So, the case is genitive.
Scolded someone, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. This means the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has the instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has the accusative case.
Well, the “promise”, of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's it!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring me the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest you set for yourself?
Student: Which one? Of course, an A!
Teacher: So, an A? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?
Student: In the prepositional form!
Teacher: In the prepositional form? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!

Teacher: Petrov, you have difficulty counting to ten. I can’t imagine what you can become?
Student Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!

Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.
Student Trushkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the statement of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Student Trushkin heads to the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going?!
Student Trushkin: I ran home, I have candy!

Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your deuce in it yesterday.
Disciple Petrov: I don’t have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Student Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare his parents!

Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Student Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don’t know math!
Student Vasechkin: No, you don’t know my brother!

Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, what is three times seven?
Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!

Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: Mom doesn’t have free time!

Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.
The students get to work.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentyev?
Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he’s copying from me, and I’m just checking to see if he did it correctly!

Scene

A hilariously funny skit on what can come of combining two incompatible school subjects. And also about what will happen, if it happens, if His Majesty Chance intervenes in the pre-thought-out plan.

Neumnov (sings with joy).Well, Copperfields, you came up with a great idea. Telepathy! Thoughts at a distance! Come on, tell me something.

Copperfields. He spreads his hands like a psychic.

Neumnov. The storm covers the sky with darkness... Why are you telling me literature - we have biology now. Here, take the textbook - paragraph 36. Look, inspire more strongly.

Copperfield sits on the edge of the stage, puts a textbook on his knees, looking at it, sending thoughts.

Call. Start of the lesson. The literature teacher enters.

Teacher. Hello guys, Irina Ivanovna got sick, so instead of biology there will be literature. So, the novel by A. S. Pushkin “Eugene Onegin”. Who wants to answer? As always, a forest of hands. Neumnov, to the board.

Neumnov (clears throat).The image of Evgeny Onegin. Onegin is a socialite from St. Petersburg, a metropolitan aristocrat. Drawing the image of the hero, Pushkin says in detail...(telepathy begins)that its body, the thallus, consists of a mushroom and algae, which are in close relationship. He is very unpretentious. Lives in deserts, rocks, tundras. When it dies, it forms humus. This is his main role... in the novel.

Teacher. Neumnov, what's wrong with you?

Neumnov. Can I tell you better about Lensky? Lensky has many excellent inclinations; the author points to his inherent “noble aspiration of the feelings and thoughts of the young.” It blooms in mid-summer. Insects visit its flowers poorly - they have neither nectar nor an abundance of pollen.(Shakes his head.)Lensky is an educated, cultured person. It is planted in the spring; before planting, the tubers are germinated in a bright room.Well, Olga is Olga.

Neumnov. The complete opposite of Tatyana is her sister Olga. Olga has a lot of cheerfulness, energy, and playfulness. Her body is covered with scales. When shedding, the skin comes off in one piece. She moves by twisting her body along the ground. Its toxicity is well known.

Teacher. Enough! Sit down. Col!

Call.

Neumnov (runs up to Copperfield).Well, Copperfields, well, he made friends. Thoughts at a distance. So much for telepathy.(Hits him on the head with a textbook.)Here you go - an A is guaranteed!(Hits.) Here's to you - you'll become an excellent student!